I was wrong, how do I make it up? He didnt Lie!

the_cat

Warning - brutal truth alert! Apologies if I offend, it is not my intention, merely to help!

You are making the same mistake today that you made yesterday! Blowing a row out of all proportion and turning it into the end of your marriage! Yesterday you convinced yourself that he was a lying cheat with stuff to hide and that you would maybe have to leave him. Today you have instead convinced yourself that he has a hateful wife whom he doesn't love and you will be left!

For goodness sake, you had a row! We all do it and for something as trivial as this, especially in an isolated incident it does not mean anything at all long term.


UNLESS of course you keep blowing things up out of all proportion and keep in making a drama out of a crisis!!!

jinky67

the_cat wrote: »

Yesterday you convinced yourself that he was a lying cheat with stuff to hide and that you would maybe have to leave him. Today you have instead convinced yourself that he has a hateful wife whom he doesn't love and you will be left!

especially in an isolated incident it does not mean anything at all long term.


UNLESS of course you keep blowing things up out of all proportion and keep in making a drama out of a crisis!!!

Maybe I have a skewed view because of my circumstances, but I dont think so, but I think the OP's hubby is good at making her feel like she has done wrong, while HE is the one doing it, even if its only little things, its the principle of the thing:cool:

Littlemadam83

Hi the_Cat - sorry that post did make me smile a bit

You are right, mountain out of a mole hill. Being honest the rows we have had have blown up out of all proportion. Recently things have calmed down in the sense we have talked about things calmly, but this argument seems to have gone back to our old ways.

This weekend was pretty tough, I cant even remember what it was about, but we fell out, ahh, just remembered, he didnt want to see the wedding DVD and I did so badly. His reasons were embarrassment for the speech. It hurt me at the time, but we talked round it in the end.

Why is life so hard?

the_cat

jinky67 wrote: »

Maybe I have a skewed view because of my circumstances, but I dont think so, but I think the OP's hubby is good at making her feel like she has done wrong, while HE is the one doing it, even if its only little things, its the principle of the thing:cool:

You may be right, who knows? We only have the details of this one incident, so what I have said is based purely on that.....

and on this occasion he DIDN'T do anything wrong as far as I can see

Littlemadam83

It is such a tough one as I can see both sides.

I accuse an innocent man for no apparent reason on something that doesnt OVERLY bother me.

Or

I have been lied to in the past over little and bigger things and am finding it hard to move on from that.

I dont know if there is a right or wrong answer, as such it is down to both of us to sort it out and maybe even get external help?

I've just advised myself

jinky67

Littlemadam83 wrote: »

I dont know if there is a right or wrong answer, as such it is down to both of us to sort it out and maybe even get external help?

I've just advised myself

there you go then:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

mackemdave

jinky67 wrote: »

Maybe I have a skewed view because of my circumstances, but I dont think so, but I think the OP's hubby is good at making her feel like she has done wrong, while HE is the one doing it, even if its only little things, its the principle of the thing:cool:

Yet again someone posting to the topic who obviously hasnt bothered to read the whole thread....What wrong has the OP husband done?????....even the OP agrees she is to blame

If you cant be bothered to read the WHOLE thread dont bother posting your inaccuracies

Littlemadam83

I would say to close the thread now, but am scared that will need all your guys support later.

If you hadnt been offering your opinions I think I would just be REALLY crying. I told my colleague on the update and burst into tears, so am not out of the woods yet

I am feeling so much better at this moment, seeing things through your posts from all angles has really really helped me to get a grip, and fingers crossed my OH can see the same as what you guys have said.

If only he posted on here. There isnt another thread called "My other half has accused me of lying, but I havent" is there?

For the moment I shall make the most of my calmness, just hope it stays for now xxxxx

pulliptears

jinky67 wrote: »

very true Pullip, and it did destroy my relationship:(

Again also true, and its not a nice play to be when you are on the receiving end of it, certainly wasn't in my case.

I can see however, where the OP is coming from, its all the little things that build up, silly little lies over time, do lead to a lack of trust. That also is not a nice place to be either, it makes you wonder what else they are lying about constantly:cool:

The point that things changed for me is when I stood in our living room one morning sobbing my heart out because OH had accused me of going somewhere other than college the day before because there were 10 miles more on my car. I knew I'd been to college but I couldn't prove it. I was absolutely distraught and that feeling of accusation will stay with me forever. I was devastated that he had resorted to checking my mileage too.

I did realise half an hour later that I had been somewhere else, a friends house to deliver a birthday card for her son, I had also taken DD (then about 8) with me so I had concrete proof. She confirmed my story.

I think from then on I lost interest. I didn't really care, it was the turning point. Fortunately as I said we did turn things round in the end.

jinky67

mackemdave wrote: »

Yet again someone posting to the topic who obviously hasnt bothered to read the whole thread....What wrong has the OP husband done?????....even the OP agrees she is to blame

If you cant be bothered to read the WHOLE thread dont bother posting your inaccuracies

Actually I have read the whole thread.

And I am posting MY opinion thank you very much.