Any termination threads on here?

tiamai_d

In my experience you wont be offered any councilling and it is quite shocking how quickly you are given the tablets (or offered them). Though my experience is coloured by the fact that I didn't want a termination and I wanted to be asked if I was sure.

barcelonacat

Hi Icey,

I've always browsed around MSE but this is the first time I've felt so compelled to post. I had a termination 2 1/2 years ago, but it was the surgical procedure rather than medical. I've never talked to anyone about it other than my hubbie, who was very supportive.

My experience is that is was the hardest decision I've ever made and although I know it was the right decision I'm still upset when I think about it now. The emotions I went through before and after the termination were like nothing I've experienced before. I was also really concerned about my hubby and how he was feeling. However, I did learn to cope with the feelings over time, as did my hubby. I have to say that I was offered no counselling, before or after. My GP seemed to think that because I had suffered from depression previously that it would be fine just to put me back on medication again and leave it at that. I admit that I never asked about counselling, but I was in such a fog at the time that I couldn't think about much. I wish that I'd realised there were support groups.

I hope that it all goes smoothly for you and that you have a quick recovery. From your posts you sound like a pretty strong person to me and you have a really supportive BF. For emotional recovery I would suggest that you specifically ask about counselling, discuss your feelings with your BF/support group/MSE friends, don't give yourself a hard time and plan to do some comforting activities - whether that be eating chocs, watching soaps or a bit of retail therapy.

Please feel free to pm me :0)

Big hugs xxxxx

busiscoming2

I have no personal experience of termination, but know a few women who have had them at various stages of their lives. I just wanted to send a hug to Icey I am sure it is a difficult decision to make and I wish you the very best.

Ms_Piggy_2

It's worth remembering one in four women will have a termination at some point - that's an awful lot of women, so you are not alone.

jimbms

What I find disgusting and ill founded are the remarks by people and people trying to impose their own often ill founded standards and ideal upon women who by their own choice and I have no doubt after a lot of emotional thought, have decided that a termination was the only viable option in their situation, these ladies I have no doubt have already found the event somewhat traumatic without some moaning dogooder now telling them what they did was wrong, if you don't like the idea of people having the free choice about a termination then may I suggest you ignore this thread and go elswhere, you do not have the right to question another persons choice about their health not do you have the right to try to influence that decision and you certainly have no right to bellitle or criticise anyone who has made this choice.
Broken hearted may I suggest you look at every decision and action you have made in life and if you can come back and say everything you have ever done is perfect and has been done in a way that cannot be view as wrong by anyone, then you may judge the actions of another.

ninky_2

OP i would hate to be in your situation so my heart goes out to you.

i has a missed miscarriage about 18 months ago. discovered at 13 weeks after some 'spotting', they thought the baby had stopped growing after 9 weeks. the nurse told me to expect a heavy period but that didn't prepared me for what was actually very painful bleeding that made me almost faint - husband called the ambulance i was so ill. also sometime after the bleeding i passed the 'sac' (which obviously has some contents) which i wasn't expecting and that was quite upsetting. i feel if i had been told what was actually going to come out of me i would have been better prepared emotionally - so maybe ask questions of the staff administering your termination.

also be strong in that you have made this decision for the right reasons for you in your current situation. look after yourself and don't be hard on yourself. allow yourself to grieve if you need to.

vik6525

chewits wrote: »

I'm afraid I've only browsed through the posts, so sorry if I'm repeating anything. But just wanted to say that I have experienced both a miscarriage and a surgical abortion. The miscarriage was more traumatic - although I was having difficulty adjusting to being pregnant I was getting there, so it still felt like a loss. The abortion was different altogether. I'd always been very anti-abortion (for which I feel very sorry now). Yet the moment I knew I was pregnant on that occasion, I KNEW I would not be having the baby. In my defence, I was in an abusive, violent relationship. Funny thing is, I couldn't say boo to a goose at that time, and did everything he said. But I still knew I couldn't have the baby. Most days I wasn't even allowed out of his sight but the day of the termination I ran a bath and ran out of the house to a waiting taxi. I still consider it to be the bravest thing I've ever done.

I've never regretted it, not for one moment. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but I'm sure the OP wants honest answers, and 10 years down the line I've never altered my view

You and I seem to have almost identical histories.
I too had a termination when I was in a horrible, nasty, abusive relationship.

One thing that always crops up in these discussions is the subject of 'guilt'. To the OP, all I can say (at the risk of sounding REALLY heartless) is that if your decision is right for you, then please, dont feel 'obliged' to feel guilty. Ive never ever felt guilty about my termintaion. In fact, it was one of the things that moved me to get out of the relationship. The choice, to me, was simple. Do I have a child who'd grow up with a nasty bully of a father, who even if I left I'd still be 'tied' to for the rest of my life, or do I do the best thing, at that time, for me? To me there was no choice.

I too have read the 'one in four' stastistic before, and I often wonder why, as women, are we so judgmental of something that has without a doubt, affected someone we know and love? Even amongst my closest friends, its not something we ever really talk about. Yet its something that affects us all. I think the OP has been SOOOO brave in starting this thread, and for that I absolutely congratulate her.

Maybe its time to break the stigma girls.

Icey77

So many things to answer.

As I understand it the abortion act was passed in 1967, so already over 40 years old and the generally held views today concerning the subject are very, very different to those in 1967. However, the staff at various clinics still have to abide by the law and meet the allowable reasons for a woman to have a legal abortion.

Some may see this is "stretching the truth" and to a certain point I can agree. However they are working within the constraints of the law which is, in the opinion of many in the medical establishment, out of date.

I don't have a polarised view on this subject and perhaps this has made it easier to make my decision. It's a decision I'd much rather not have to make but the reality is that I am pregnant and I do not want to be. I appreciate that some people can't understand my current viewpoint but at the moment this thread is all about me, sorry folks!

Thankyou again to all the posters that have left me kind, generous (despite their own beliefs) and supportive posts, they are greatly appreciated.

Sadly some posters have taken the oppotunity to voice their own views in a manner I had hoped they would not, but in reality is too much to expect for this not to happen. I'm not too bothered by the attempts to take over my thread for their own soapbox moment as I can ignore it - I have bigger things on my mind at the moment!

Thankyou
IC x

Plans_all_plans

Hi Icey

I have been in your situation in that I considered termination. However on the day itself I did not go through with the procedure. I rebooked a second time, but again did not go through with it.

If you find that on the day itself you change your mind, there are organisations that can offer practical and emotional help if you become a parent at a time in your life when you're worried about how you'll cope. I wont mention these here, but if you would like to hear of them at a later date, please pm me.

summerday

Hi Icey,

Well, I'm back from hospital, had the 'suction'/sugical procedure today, and hand on heart, feel so well that I can't quite believe I've been to theatre and had anaesthetic today! It's a relief really, and if a friend asked me which method I'd recommend, I'd say this one rather than the one I had on Friday with the pills, despite the fact that I was so reluctantv to have this surgical one to start with- aside from the fact that the surgical one has a higher success rate, it has been less uncomfortable. On Friday, I bled a lot of large clots, to the point where I was sure it must have all cleared, though sadly it didn't, also there was quite a lot of cramping pains later on in the afternoon, though to be fair if I'd requested stronger painkillers ie morphine, they would def have given me them. The other thing I wasn't prepared for with the medical one was the likelihood of it causing pretty loose bowel movements- I was glad I'd taken a pack of baby wipes to keep clean in this respect, and would recommend others do the same! The other negative with the medical option is that the doctor came round so late in the evening, that I had to stay in overnight, which seems to be quite common, whereas today I was out at lunchtime.

Whichever one you have, do take a book to read or something to keep you occupied, as things can get held up and gives you time to dwell otherwise. I was unlucky that the medical one didn't clear it, ws told the success rate was approx 85%, so most people will be fine.

I hope this is useful to you Icey, or other people awaiting terminations/ERPC for missed miscarriage etc. It may be too much info for some, but this thread is surely for support for people considering the procedure rather than wanting a debate.