Asked to go to a wedding in.......

SingleSue

My wedding had all the trimmings but not a lot of the cost (I was a budget queen even back then and played one company off another to get more and more discounts).

There was no free bar, I don't expect one when I go to weddings so why have one at my wedding?

If someone close to me married abroad and wanted me to come, no matter how close we were, I would just have to say no...the cost would be too prohibitive to justify.

euronorris

SingleSue wrote: »

My wedding had all the trimmings but not a lot of the cost (I was a budget queen even back then and played one company off another to get more and more discounts).

There was no free bar, I don't expect one when I go to weddings so why have one at my wedding?

If someone close to me married abroad and wanted me to come, no matter how close we were, I would just have to say no...the cost would be too prohibitive to justify.

Would it make a difference where it was though? For example, going to Hawaii and going to Spain are two very different budgets.

And going to Spain could be as cheap as travelling to another part of the UK for a wedding thanks to cheap European flights.

SingleSue

No it wouldn't....Spain would still far too expensive for me and the boys (who would have to come with me, no other option there) for flights and hotel rooms.

Even Scotland would have to be thought hard about and I have places I can stay there!

euronorris

Fair enough. Kids do make it (and everything) far more expensive!

One of the reasons I'm leaning more towards the UK, than NL. I wouldn't want my nephew and neices to not be able to come, nor would I want my brothers and sisters to get into debt over it (they'd most likely tell me they could afford it, even if they couldn't).

Person_one

euronorris wrote: »

But it's OK for all the guests to expect to have their dinner and drinks (along with everyone else's) paid for, on top of all of the other expenses a couple faces when getting married?

Erm, yes! If you invite people to your wedding you are inviting them to partake of your hospitality. You are host and they are guest. Guests don't pay for their own food generally! Drinks are different, but I always think its nice when a couple pays for the first glass of champagne for the toasts or similar.

The costs involved with getting married are all voluntary apart from the £140 or so for the paperwork and the registrar's time. Couple's choose to spend money and they choose to invite people to come and watch them, they aren't doing their guests a favour, they want them there!

Person_one

euronorris wrote: »

Would it make a difference where it was though? For example, going to Hawaii and going to Spain are two very different budgets.

And going to Spain could be as cheap as travelling to another part of the UK for a wedding thanks to cheap European flights.

I think if couples choose to get married abroad, they should be willing to shoulder the cost for anyone they expect to be there and expect to not have any other guests.

My friend was asked to be best man in a wedding in America, they expected him to pay for his flights and hotels and all his food while he was there apart from the wedding meal as well as a suit etc.

That's a hefty price to pay for the 'honour' of being best man, but because its considered such a big thing he felt like he couldn't say no. I really do think that if he meant that much to the groom and they wanted him there so badly they should have budgeted for it.

indebtinsussex

my brother got married on a cruise, we were invited, we couldn't afford to go so we didn't go. In the end only my brother his wife and respective parents went, my brother wasn't offended that I couldn't be there, I wasn't offended as I know that he doesn't cope with being the centre of attention and that was the end of that.

Its not what I would have chosen for my wedding (i'm more of a party girl me), but in the end it was my brothers and his wifes special day and they should do what they want without being made to feel guilty

If you can afford it and want to go, go, if you cant, dont

euronorris

Person_one wrote: »

Erm, yes! If you invite people to your wedding you are inviting them to partake of your hospitality. You are host and they are guest. Guests don't pay for their own food generally! Drinks are different, but I always think its nice when a couple pays for the first glass of champagne for the toasts or similar.

The costs involved with getting married are all voluntary apart from the £140 or so for the paperwork and the registrar's time. Couple's choose to spend money and they choose to invite people to come and watch them, they aren't doing their guests a favour, they want them there!

No. I would be asking them to witness my marriage. The only reason I would have a reception/sit down meal/buffet whatever, is because it's expected of me!

Sure, I could have just the ceremony and no celebration afterwards, but I know that my family and friends wouldn't allow it. Stupid as it sounds, they would most likely organise something for me as a surprise. They wouldn't believe that I didn't want that and would most likely assume that I wasn't doing it because I couldn't afford it. When, actually, I would be more than happy to just go to a pub for a drink and if people wanted to join us, well that's up to them and they could buy their own drinks.

Of course they choose to invite people, but that doesn't automatically mean they should then have to provide them with food and drink! They can always decline if they don't want to go to the wedding. But they do and then expect the food and drink to be provided after, with a party. All of which bumps up the cost for the bride and groom significantly and then moan that they had to spend money to get there/present etc! Soooo hypocritical.

euronorris

Person_one wrote: »

I think if couples choose to get married abroad, they should be willing to shoulder the cost for anyone they expect to be there and expect to not have any other guests.

My friend was asked to be best man in a wedding in America, they expected him to pay for his flights and hotels and all his food while he was there apart from the wedding meal as well as a suit etc.

That's a hefty price to pay for the 'honour' of being best man, but because its considered such a big thing he felt like he couldn't say no. I really do think that if he meant that much to the groom and they wanted him there so badly they should have budgeted for it.

I don't think that they should have to shoulder the cost of everyone, but I do agree that anyone such as the best man, bridesmaids etc should be paid for. It's unfair to honour someone like that and then expect them to pay out so much for it! A bit like, ' here's a gift, now pay for it'.

But for anyone else, it's entirely up to them whether they go or not. So, if they choose to go, they should pay.

Person_one

euronorris wrote: »

No. I would be asking them to witness my marriage. The only reason I would have a reception/sit down meal/buffet whatever, is because it's expected of me!

Sure, I could have just the ceremony and no celebration afterwards, but I know that my family and friends wouldn't allow it. Stupid as it sounds, they would most likely organise something for me as a surprise. They wouldn't believe that I didn't want that and would most likely assume that I wasn't doing it because I couldn't afford it. When, actually, I would be more than happy to just go to a pub for a drink and if people wanted to join us, well that's up to them and they could buy their own drinks.

Of course they choose to invite people, but that doesn't automatically mean they should then have to provide them with food and drink! They can always decline if they don't want to go to the wedding. But they do and then expect the food and drink to be provided after, with a party. All of which bumps up the cost for the bride and groom significantly and then moan that they had to spend money to get there/present etc! Soooo hypocritical.

Sorry, but yes it does! If you invite someone to be at an event that you're hosting, and it covers a meal time, then it would be incredibly rude to leave your guests hungry.