Asked to go to a wedding in.......

OrangeFairy

We have just booked to get married in Cyprus next year.

I am a bit put out that some people think it is selfish.

All the close family members were told straight off and at the moment including ourselves 25 people have booked. I wouldn't have been offended if anyone declined to go. We are having a big evening party when we get back and everyone will be invited to that. Once i book that i can send out invites and include on it that if anyone wanted to join us in Cyprus then they are welcome.

If the shoe was on the other foot i would just feel thankful i was invited to someones special day abroad. It wouldn't be something i found annoying.

*Louise*

littlekel wrote: »

We have just booked to get married in Cyprus next year.

I am a bit put out that some people think it is selfish.

All the close family members were told straight off and at the moment including ourselves 25 people have booked. I wouldn't have been offended if anyone declined to go.

That's the point though....YOU'RE not offended, so that's fine.

The number of threads I have read over time saying 'we have booked abroad but so-and-so won't come, it's really selfish they are ruining things for me whine whine whine' etc......those are the selfish ones.

Everyone has the right to go and marry abroad if they want. It's just SOME people expect everyone to be happy about it and rush to book things. They don't take into consideration that some people can't afford it, or wouldn't blow the money on a holiday abroad in the first place.

Nenen

fay144 wrote: »

(Though, saying that, I don't understand the trend for weddings abroad, isn't that basically just inviting your parents on your honeymoon?)

ROTFLOL! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I thought I was the only one who thought that having the mil in the adjoining bedroom might put a bit of a damper on the wedding night!

Nenen

Having just read all through this thread I am more convinced than ever that whatever you do is likely to upset someone. I feel very sad that this should be the case, particularly when it is about celebrating a loving union. My advice (for what it's worth) to all brides/grooms to be is to do whatever it is you think will make you both, and the people you really love, happy.

When we got married 29 years ago we wanted a late morning ceremony followed by a buffet lunch in my parents' beautiful garden (with marquee in case of rain). My dream wedding was one where friends and family were all involved in the day, for example my mother made my veil, my father and his friend took lots of the photos, another friend made my dress and the bridesmaids/page boys outfits, my grandmother provided the flowers and we had lots of friends willing to help prepare food. Dh's family declined to get involved, saying the groom's family shouldn't have to. :eek:

We wanted an afternoon celebration ending with a strawberry cream tea late afternoon, which my parents were very happy to provide and gave us enough time to travel to catch an overnight ferry to Sark for our honeymoon, However, my mil-to-be said it was not worth the bother of coming all that way for the relatives 'up North' (we were getting married in Kent) if there was no 'proper' hot sit-down meal and an evening disco. They also insisted that the relative we had invited to be our page boy would not accept unless, not only did we pay for his outfit (which I had intended to do) we also laid on a coach from Lancashire to Kent (via Herts to collect in-laws) for the whole of my dh's extended family. Stupidly we capitulated and changed all our plans (which cost my parents a lot of money they couldn't afford but were too proud at the time to admit). I had a wonderful day marrying the man I (still) love but even now it rankles that I gave in and didn't have what I really wanted. In the last 29 years I have seen the vast majority of those aunts, uncles and cousins 'up North' precisely 3 times (2 of those at funerals) so changing our whole day in order to make it 'worth their while' to come seems rather ridiculous in hindsight.

Funnily enough, one of the cousins's children who we keep in touch with has just invited us to her wedding 'up North' and we are happy to accept even though it means travelling around 250 miles and paying for an overnight stay. Her Uncle and Aunt however, have both declined as they are furious the happy couple have chosen a venue about 80 miles from their home and not round the corner (it is a gorgeous location and yet relatively inexpensive with facilities for guests to stay overnight in YHA style accommodation if they wish). Aunty insists she will only come if her sister (bride's mother) lays on a minibus to relay them (despite the fact that Auntie has plenty of money whereas bride's mum is far less well off). This has led to the bride's mum and her sister falling out and no longer speaking to each other. It all seems so unnecessarily hurtful as the bride now feels dreadful her mum is so hurt and yet it is too late to change the plans. I really don't understand why people have to be so unkind to each other in these situations.

mrshappy

Wow, what a lot of different viewpoints on this! We got married abroad last year and didn't expect anyone to come with us, we were happy to go on our own, however my parents wanted to come so they did, hubbys sister and her family also wanted to come and that was fine, my brother had been out of work last year and was totally upfront about not being able to afford to come-which was also fine. I would never "expect" people to come and didn't send invitations, just spoke to close family members to let them know what we were doing and if they would like to be there that would be great, but no pressure and no expectations. Our day was amazing and we wouldn't have done it any other way, and I don't think we offended or p****d anyone in our families off by going abroad.

jonty1970

Eton_Rifle wrote: »

Let us get to the crux of the matter here.

Most couples choose great holiday locations for their weddings and most guests probably have a yearly holiday abroad anyway.

So I suspect it's neither the location nor the cost that's the real problem in many cases but the fact that someone else is going to be the centre of attention and the queen bee during what should be 'your' holiday.

how silly! you don't know me, so how can you think that?
She is a lovely girl. I am not jealous at all.
I don't have the money for my own wedding yet, and I'm sure it would cost a fraction of the cost of attending her wedding.
If I were rich, I would go, but I'm not, so can't and think it unfair for them to think we would pay that much to attend their wedding.
That trip should be for them and their honeymoon.
They have now said, they are having a blessing and party when they come back!
Why not do it before?

euronorris

Well, I was under the impression that a blessing is of the marriage vows already taken so...they wouldn't be able to do that before, only after.

Unless you meant, why didn't they suggest that before? Maybe they didn't think it was necessary but received some feedback from people feeling under presssure etc, so have added it in now?

mrsg26

jonty1970 wrote: »

Cancun

Having a bit of a rant about this, forgive me

Apparently, it will only cost us "a few grand", for the privilege of attending their nuptuals

Isn't that what honeymoons are for? Have the big holiday afterwards, not expect family and friends to go that far, and to pay out so much to go with them!

What makes some people think we would ever pay that much money to watch them get married?

Rant over

havent read all of this thread just at the beginning but just wanted to respond to the above comment underlined. It is the brides and grooms choice of where they want to get married - whilst it may suit them it doesnt suit everyone so all you have to say is that you cant make it. They will understand. There are all sorts of reasons why people go abroad to get married - financial reasons, smaller wedding etc etc - I got married in Florida last year, i advised everyone that they were under no pressure to attend - we ended up have the most amazing wedding with our close family there and celebrated with all our friends when we got back. You dont have to spend thousands watching 'other people' get married. Just dont go - plain and simple!