Asked to go to a wedding in.......

kittendothroar

Person_one wrote: »

You know you don't have to invite anybody, wherever your wedding is held. I know in some families it can cause problems and arguments but if they are people you see once in a blue moon do you think they really care about going to your wedding? Do you really care if they care? What's the worst they can do to you, speak to you every 3 blue moons instead? Would you miss them?

You can have a small wedding with just the people you want, anywhere in the world.

I think I am just worried about estranging the family even further! And the fact I went to 2 of their weddings last year I kinda feel I should invite them to mine! Overall I'm not fussed about having many at the actual ceremony but I do a want a big do with everyone there after, so keen to have small do abroad then a big do back here would be ideal

kr15snw

Person_one wrote: »

You know you don't have to invite anybody, wherever your wedding is held. I know in some families it can cause problems and arguments but if they are people you see once in a blue moon do you think they really care about going to your wedding? Do you really care if they care? What's the worst they can do to you, speak to you every 3 blue moons instead? Would you miss them?

You can have a small wedding with just the people you want, anywhere in the world.

If I didn't invite my aunts and uncles (who I see once every 10 years) then my parents wouldn't talk to me ever again. Yes it's petty, but thats my parents for you!

No I wouldn't miss my aunts and uncles, but I would miss my parents!!

diable

kr15snw wrote: »

If I didn't invite my aunts and uncles (who I see once every 10 years) then my parents wouldn't talk to me ever again. Yes it's petty, but thats my parents for you!

No I wouldn't miss my aunts and uncles, but I would miss my parents!!

As they say "every cloud has a silver lining" ;o))))

Person_one

kr15snw wrote: »

If I didn't invite my aunts and uncles (who I see once every 10 years) then my parents wouldn't talk to me ever again. Yes it's petty, but thats my parents for you!

No I wouldn't miss my aunts and uncles, but I would miss my parents!!

Well I don't envy you that situation, or those parents!

undaunted

jonty1970 wrote: »

Surely the definition of a fortune is flexible?
3 grand is way out of my budget
My brother and his wife wanted a particular venue for their wedding and had to borrow from family to afford it (they also got a bank loan)

It's just one day. Surely that money would be better spent on a deposit for a house or a honeymoon for them both

You may have a point in terms of a deposit for a house in my - and it seems your - opinion BUT it isn't our wedding, it's theirs. Why shouldn't they do whatever they want? You say you have your own wedding to plan, don't have lots of money etc and I find myself wondering whether you are actually secretly a little envious?

undaunted

jonty1970 wrote: »

It's my OH who they want as best man. We can't afford it to go. He wants to "find" the money, because he feels he ought to go.
We are NOT going, end of

I agree with what some people say, that it does stop lots of relatives you don't like attending.
Never thought of it that way before

It's him they want so maybe he'll half the cost & go without you if you take that dictatorial tone with him, I certainly would!

sal-ad_daze

My daughter and her oh got engaged 2 years ago and set about looking at wedding venues locally, we have a very small nuclear family but oh's is bigger, he has relatives that he only ever sees at 'hatches, matches & dispatches'. We sat down and made a list and we added the 'uncles and aunties' then their children (his cousins who were mostly around his age) then of course their children had to be included to. At an average of £50 per head at the venues here costs were spiralling, they'd decided on a Chrismas wedding (my daughter is a teacher so needed to find a date in the holidays if they were to have a honeymoon) and that's when the complaining started! Dd and Oh were increasingly unhappy so I asked them what THEY wanted to do. They wanted to get married in the sun in Gibraltar (they have friends that live there and visit them often) so I told them to look into it, it's their wedding day and it should be what THEY want. Gibraltar is probably the best destination abroad to get married in as it's a British territory so there's no expensive translation paperwork etc. plus guests can take advantage of the cheap budget deals on offer (with a little luck Ryanair will have a1p flight offer!). Unfortunately my dd's wedding is in the Summer so no 1p flights for us but because we had 2 years notice we got really good deals as soon as the flights became available. We have had some people say they were coming but then decide they can't but all in all over 20 people are coming to celebrate their day. They took the decision (prompted by me) to have their dream wedding and are so looking forward to it. They are having a UK reception back home and people understand. Oh and it means they only need to invite the people they really want to be there!
The Gibraltar wedding is costing them half of what a full on UK wedding would have cost.
If people choose to get married abroad then it must be with the expectation that guests will say no and be prepared to have a very small number of guests there. They really shouldn't pressure or bully people into coming along.

p-pincher

We've got the opposite problem, me and oh wanted to slip away with the kids to new york in decemer and get married in the city hall, as soon as my mum, 2 sister, 2 aunts , 1 cousin and 1 best friend found they all booked a flight straight the way. So much for a quiet life. We purposefully hadn't asked anyone as if i was the one being asked id think someone was taking the mick. Id only consider going abroad for very close family and thats only if i really wanted to go.

brightonman123

reply saying its 'very kind of them to treat you'.. see if they REALLY want you to go!

kr15snw

euronorris wrote: »

I don't see what's wrong with the party and hot buffet idea.

You should stand your ground. It's your wedding and you're the one paying, so if you want a party and buffet, so be it. Your Mum can moan til she's blue in the face, but unless she's willing to pay for it, she needs to back off!

Oh don't worry they are paying for it, thats the only reason we've given in and said we'll do it.

But it's the princinpal, I didn't want a 'big' do hence why we're running off to Oz but we didn't have a choice. Mum simply told us she was paying for it, and if we didn't book it she would bloody well book it for us and organise it herself??!!

As I said in another post, I'd rather not end the relationship with my parents completely (although at times its tempting) so we just said 'ok mum, we'll sort it'.

Now just the argument about suits to sort, I am NO WAY IN HELL putting my brother in a suit matching the best man and groom. I don't care if she pays, bribes me or whatever!!