Asked to go to a wedding in.......

teeni

My son and his fiancee got engaged on christmas day and announced to the family (both myself and my husband and her parents were there for christmas ) that they were getting married in Mauritious in feb 2012,the cost per couple for the flight the holiday acc and the day was £5000 and that should give us plenty of time to save to attend. My daughter in law to be's father went white and congratulated them on their engagement.

I waited for things to calm down and then told them that i wished them the best but we would not be a ble to attend due to the cost. They could not understand why we could not save over £200 per month and still have to find outfits and spending money on top of that and were quite put out.

I advised i just couldnt justify it especially as 2 of our other sons are also getting married in 2012 and intended spending exactly the same on all three weddings as we couldnt go we would give them the share we would have spent on their wedding as a gift to them to spend as they wished.

Our other children also said they could not go as the two boys had their own weddings to pay for but obviously wished them the best.

THis has caused a huge rift in the family, bride to be's father has had to take a loan to pay to go and he has secured this against his previously mortgage free house and has made it known to all but his daughter that he is very unhappy at having to take out this debt but felt he had no choice.

We have no issue with the decision to marry abroad, our elder daughter did 2 years ago when she got married in Barbados, we did not attend as we couldnot afford to. they accepted this and we spoke on skype on the morning of the wedding and had it streamed on the internet so we could watch it over here brill.

The issue is when you make that decision you must accept that a lot of people who are very close may not be able to go and not make them feel guilty about it.

SingleSue

Eton_Rifle wrote: »

Let us get to the crux of the matter here.

Most couples choose great holiday locations for their weddings and most guests probably have a yearly holiday abroad anyway.

So I suspect it's neither the location nor the cost that's the real problem in many cases but the fact that someone else is going to be the centre of attention and the queen bee during what should be 'your' holiday.

For me, it is just cost.

We don't holiday abroad.

NJW69

I can see both sides.

I got married here and enjoyed that because I wanted a family party and all of our friends to attend.

My brother got married abroad a month later and we delayed our honeymoon so we could go and be witnesses.

He had a large evening reception for family and friends when they came back.

Both sets of parents could have afforded to go but didn't. Don't know why (was 1993).

I've since been to weddings here and abroad and also refused both.

Some friends got married in the Carribean and we attended as we were all there anyway for something else. Actually one of the best weddings I've been to.

I think it's each to their own.

Chill a bit and don't stress about it.

diable

If you want to get married abroad and want people to attend then pay for it yourself ;o)))))

@ teeni I also knew someone who thought he "had" to pay (£25k) and was gutted when two years later his daughter announced she was getting divorced..........

kittendothroar

This thread had been really helpful gauging opinions as me and the h2b have been weighing up going abroad for our wedding, and had really mixed answers from friends and family, one is trying to actually persuade us to go to the caribbean from the day we got engaged, but whilst my mum is happy to go abroad - she won't to the caribbean (a friend told her it was boring....!) .One of my oldest friends (and bridesmaid) is also really up for going overseas and has been very supportive, whilst another friend has said no which I happily accept as I know their circumstances and it helps keep numbers down - cost is a major factor in our decison as we are also saving for a house. The other big bonus of overseas is that I don't have to invite all my aunts/uncles/cousins that I only speak to once in a blue moon!

margaretclare

SingleSue wrote: »

For me, it is just cost.

We don't holiday abroad.

Well, a bit of a diversion from weddings, but...DH and I have gradually come round to the idea that there are such lovely places to see closer to home, why go so far just for a 'holiday'? I know there are many people for whom the idea of 'holiday' means going to the airport and getting on a plane. It wouldn't be a holiday if they didn't do that.

Well, this year we're going to south-west Ireland. Not so far away. Overnight ferry from Swansea to Cork then drive to Killarney. A couple of years ago we went to Germany, last year to the Pink Granite Coast of Brittany. Before that, Delft in the Netherlands. Mostly it's to places we've been to in an earlier life on our own. DH used to go by overnight ferry to Cork then drive straight to the industrial areas around Shannon, bypassing the most lovely south-western corner. Same when he used to go to Germany, straight down the motorway to Stuttgart, but when we went there on holiday we drove down the Rhine Valley and visited places like the Black Forest.

Next year we're thinking of either Dorset, Northumbria or the north-west coast of Scotland. These islands have SO much to offer in terms of scenery, history, wildlife, 'diversity' if you like within a fairly small area.

If I wanted a 'runaway wedding' it would have been Gretna Green.

borokat

My two penneth:

It's up to individual couples what they want to do for their wedding. If they choose to go abroad they have to understand that not everyone has the time or money to attend.
If they choose to have their wedding in the UK then again they have to understand guests may not be able to stay over, get babysitters, buy new outfits and gifts etc.
I'm getting married next year and know that for some of our guests they will incur a cost in needing overnight accomodation, however this would be the case no matter where we had the wedding. I hope we are showing hospitality up to a standard that will ensure the guests are happy and well fed and watered and enjoy the day and celebrating with us.
I would never want to marry abroad because I want all our family and friends around us, but for some couples it is easier and cheaper to marry abroad. I think most couples know when they plan a foreign wedding that there won't be 70 guests attending and this is usually what they want. I sort of think it can be a bit pointless when usually they have to spend on a party when they get home, why not just do it all in one?

Person_one

kittendothroar wrote: »

This thread had been really helpful gauging opinions as me and the h2b have been weighing up going abroad for our wedding, and had really mixed answers from friends and family, one is trying to actually persuade us to go to the caribbean from the day we got engaged, but whilst my mum is happy to go abroad - she won't to the caribbean (a friend told her it was boring....!) .One of my oldest friends (and bridesmaid) is also really up for going overseas and has been very supportive, whilst another friend has said no which I happily accept as I know their circumstances and it helps keep numbers down - cost is a major factor in our decison as we are also saving for a house. The other big bonus of overseas is that I don't have to invite all my aunts/uncles/cousins that I only speak to once in a blue moon!

You know you don't have to invite anybody, wherever your wedding is held. I know in some families it can cause problems and arguments but if they are people you see once in a blue moon do you think they really care about going to your wedding? Do you really care if they care? What's the worst they can do to you, speak to you every 3 blue moons instead? Would you miss them?

You can have a small wedding with just the people you want, anywhere in the world.

euronorris

Sorry to hear about your experience Teeni. They are being very unfair and not at all understanding.

If anyone wants to get married abroad they should, under no circumstances, put pressure on anyone to attend and be fully prepared for the fact that it may just be them on their own.

euronorris

kr15snw wrote: »

We're getting married in Australia, with no one else there. Just the 2 of us. Why are we doing it? Because the wedding over here was spiralling out of control and we had to invite people we didn't want and we very very nearly split up over the stress caused by it.

Although we've had a lot of support a few relations have suggested we're being 'selfish' as there is no way they could afford to go. We know this! This is why we haven't actually invited anyone!!

I also agree about the having to do a reception. When we get back from our honeymoon we wanted to just have a party with all the family but got told in no uncertain terms that we could not do that as it wasn't fair on my relations who lived up country. As they would have to stay the night (they live 5 - 6 hours away) we have to make a day of it and feed them in a proper sit down meal!! All we wanted was a party with a hot buffet but we've not been given a choice and mum has told us / made us book a 3 course meal in the afternoon! Great....

I don't see what's wrong with the party and hot buffet idea.

You should stand your ground. It's your wedding and you're the one paying, so if you want a party and buffet, so be it. Your Mum can moan til she's blue in the face, but unless she's willing to pay for it, she needs to back off!