Asked to go to a wedding in.......

Fang_3

Person_one wrote: »

Sorry, but yes it does! If you invite someone to be at an event that you're hosting, and it covers a meal time, then it would be incredibly rude to leave your guests hungry.

So if the ceremony doesn't cover a meal time then they don't have to?

Mutter_2

Unless you are a close family member or friend, the reason for the invite is clear. You won't attend but you will donate a gift! It's the guilt thing.

Pure economics. Send 500 invitations to persons little known to the couple, to a wedding on the other side of the World. Wait for 480 to say sorry, cannot do.

Result? 20 guests bearing pressies needing to be fed. Easy peasy,and a small wedding. How covenient.

Meanwhile the couple have 500 pressies to unwrap?

I sussed it many years ago. sent a card instead!

bylromarha

OH's only sis got married in Cuba.

While she was toying with the idea, we told her before she booked it we would be unable to go - I was heavily preg at the time, and had a 1 year old. If we had decided to go, we would have been travelling with a 3 month old and a 25 month old. Cost would have been around £5k for the fortnight for all 4 of us in a place we had no interest in travelling to, especially with OH's mum and sis and a group of people we had nothing in common with and found it hard enough to idlely chat with as they were so completely different to us. We got a lot of " I can understand why, but really can't believe you won't be at your own sisters wedding" comments from OHs mum - she also offered us money "if that's what's stopping you going". When we told her we had no desire at all to endure 2 weeks with strangers and a newly weaning baby away from home she told us we'd be fine and it sounded like quite a selfish reason not to go...

Quite a few elder family members who had been heavily involved in caring for her as she grew couldn't make the journey, nor afford it.

But she did have a group of about 20 over there - 4 parents, 2 siblings and partners, all the rest were friends. So quite a few people were willing to shell out...

I do think it is completely selfish of the bride and groom to have a wedding abroad. But they are allowed to be completely selfish. It's their once in a lifetime day...it should be exactly what they want - and if they want that type of day over having important family members there, that is totally their choice!!!!!

Just had to turn down a wedding invite to Canada - now that is one OH and I would have loved to have been at, but OH's self employed status means we just can't, sadly.

euronorris

Person_one wrote: »

Sorry, but yes it does! If you invite someone to be at an event that you're hosting, and it covers a meal time, then it would be incredibly rude to leave your guests hungry.

I wouldn't organise a wedding so close to, or during a meal time. I've been to weddings like that and I can't concentrate on the ceremony cos I'm hungry!

So, I shouldn't have to provide them with anything.

Loz01

One of my friends is getting married aboard next year and casually mentioned it - I havent got the money!! I havent even met her OH either. I dunno why people think others have got x amount of money to fork out for flights, hotel, transport, eating out etc etc.

Zazen999

I suspect alot of people decide to go abroad precisely so that they DON'T have to have people that they really don't want there.....

melancholly

weddings get less 'special' the more you go to.... once it's more than 10, assuming you're not an usher/bridesmaid, they all merge. yes they're fun, and they are a hugely important day for the couple, but often couples forget that it isn't quite as important to everyone else!! they are usually a fantastic time to catch up with people who don't all get together often - but for that, the location/menu/music etc don't matter so much, it's the people that make it.

going abroad seems ok, as long as their isn't an expectation to go. it isn't just about money if it's longhaul (although that would be enough of a show stopper for me right now), it's also about time. fine you can make it your annual holiday, but i'd sooner pick destinations myself and annual leave is limited! it may all fall into place and be an ideal place to go as a guest, but equally it might not. a bit more understanding from some couples is required!

Person_one

euronorris wrote: »

I wouldn't organise a wedding so close to, or during a meal time. I've been to weddings like that and I can't concentrate on the ceremony cos I'm hungry!

So, I shouldn't have to provide them with anything.

Well its up to you. I think its a bit off to ask people to come and watch a dull ceremony and not offer them anything in return. Wedding receptions originally started as a way to thank the guests for coming and to allow them to celebrate the couple's happiness with them.

You'd really invite people to travel to and sit in a church or registry office to watch you make your vows and then just expect them to go away afterwards? In that case I think you'd be better having no guests at all, or just a very few and maybe treating them to a meal in a restaurant afterwards.

myothercarisaferrari

so would you have written this ranting post if they HADN'T invited you?

euronorris

Person_one wrote: »

Well its up to you. I think its a bit off to ask people to come and watch a dull ceremony and not offer them anything in return. Wedding receptions originally started as a way to thank the guests for coming and to allow them to celebrate the couple's happiness with them.

You'd really invite people to travel to and sit in a church or registry office to watch you make your vows and then just expect them to go away afterwards? In that case I think you'd be better having no guests at all, or just a very few and maybe treating them to a meal in a restaurant afterwards.

Don't be silly. An invite isn't a summons. No one HAS to accept and come along if they don't want to.

Frankly, if they would find the ceremony too boring to attend unless there is free food and drink thrown in, then I don't want them there anyway. That just says to me that they're only in it if there's something in it for themselves and that isn't the point of inviting them at all! It's because I want them there to watch me make one of the biggest and most loving commitments of my life and I only want them there if they want to witness that too.

But, I will most likely have a reception anyway as I wouldn't want family and friends doing it for me instead. It's lovely that they would, but I don't want them feeling like they have to cos they don't understand that I'm really not bothered. Like I said before, a few drinks in a pub afterwards IF they want to join us would be just perfect!