Money Moral Dilemma: Should we stop splitting the bill?

shikor

i think you shouldn't split the bill.

nikkie

I, not too long ago, went out for a meal [curry] after a boozy night out. I only really knew 1 person as it was all her friends (lovely bunch of people and I got on well with them- we'd pretty much been together all day).
There was no talk of splitting etc when we sat down so I assumed we'd be pretty much paying for our own. with that in mind (and it being a curry after a night out!) I was sticking to 1 soft drink and tap water- I'd had enough of alcohol. Food wise I deliberately didn't join in with things like popadoms etcetc as well. This meant I knew I'd spent around a tenner [or something around that amount]. soooo, when my friend starts up about splitting the bill- I piped up that I didn't know we were doing that and I deliberately didn't have extras and only had a cheaper meal etcetc... and I then pointed out that one of the other girls had had an even cheaper and less of an amount than me! It was then decided that we would each pay our own and the drinkers would split the remaining between them. As I didn't know most of them I didn't really care about looking a tight-wad or strange or anything else like that- I just wanted to pay what I'd ordered. No more or less [tho a little tip was added]. I don't know what they all honestly thought of me but the general feeling was a little negative at first, but they soon got over it (the moment we stepped out of the restaurant!).

Another occasion [and still go out with them from time to time] is my old work colleagues meal out evening/night.
The first time I went with them all, I didn't know they did a bill splitting thing (and ALWAYS do). so, for that first time, I begrudgingly went along with it, knowing there would be other meals. This meant I ended up [I was driving] paying for all their beers, silly amounts of food... tho most of it was for sharing, they'd ordered WAY too much. Each person had to put in around £25-£30 each (my actual share probably scrapped £10-£15 at most as I'd ordered just for me and didn't touch the shared stuff as I though I wouldn't be contributing to it... d'oh!).

Another time we all went out (and I was driving again) I made sure I ordered more expensive soft drinks [rather than having water], having a starter, dessert etcetc. Then I was happy to pay up my share. :T

Then when I went out with them again [as was actually drinking]- I made an obvious point to order myself a bottle of wine. ha! (and I made a bigger point of saying that is was to make up for all the times I'd paid for their beers! hehe! [the distance from my house meant I was nearly always driving to these meals]).

They're actually a good bunch and there were a few occasions I made it clear from the beginning that I really could only afford to be there if paying for me and only me- and stuck to my guns (I work part-time on min wage, and they are all practically 'fat cats' in comparison!).
I've even had one colleague- a very very small eatter- ask me for backup so she doesn't pay more that she owes [usually around £5] so she doesn't get ripped off. She's such a slight girl it's no surprise she doesn't eat much, but expecting her to fork out c.£25 when she has only had a starter [to come with the mains as her main] and 1 or 2 glasses of coke was too much so I asked for her amount to be taken off prior to the split being calculated to make it fair. Not one person complained or argued. But we're all friends- no free-loading off each other allowed... unless you know your time will come at the next meal of course! :j

But my advice to these people is very similar to other posts (same advice as others in most cases!)-
Tell them, doesn't actually matter when IMHO, but I'd choose to do it when the bill comes. Look at it FIRST, roughly calculate your contributions, and put your money down before they can even realise what's happening. If they question it, just politely say that you've put down enough money to cover your choices on the bill plus tip [say it in a questioning/implying way- as if to say "what? you expect me to pay more?" but without actually saying it!). If they question this to a point way beyond a reasonable explanation, then you know they were using you. Any other response [or no response at all- they just get on an pay] and you know your friendship will live another day.:beer:

If you must make an excuse as to why you aren't going 50:50 then just a budget/watching pennies reason will do but I would offer an excuse unless I really really really had to [to shut them up perhaps].

N xx.

1ipstick

BTW I wonder if the OP meant that the other couple have two courses, rather than two mains. That would seem more likely!

redmower3

A most interesting thread and I won't bore you with the details but I've been there too.

Strange that there are no posts from the peeps that order the most expensive stuff and comment how much cheaper the evening has been than expected

starsailor123uk

I always do the same as previous writer especially in groups where no everyone in your party is necessarily your firend but a friend of a friend

I add uop what I have had add 15% roughly for the tip and maybe round it up and throw the money in and say "that's mine covered".. you always get one or two round the table who look ashen at the fact they have to pay what they had rather than being subsidised

The other annoying is going out for drinks. As someone who often offers to drive into towns I try and make sure I pay me own bills rather than split it fairly. Its annoying that always some in your group will go for shorts and shots and expect the balance to be picked up by the meeker members of a group who gladly sit by and let it happen (not I!)

The other fast one pulled by some is buying the early rounds which are usually in a wetherspoons and cheaper and then going missing when you hit the clubs and the prices rise!

redwoodmazza

Many years ago when my husband and I were REALLY skint, we went out for a meal with his brother and wife to a Chinese restaurant. We both carefully chose economic food. His brother ordered loads of mains AND extras... I really didn't expect to have to split the bill but was a bit concerned. When it was time to pay, my brother in law asked my husband for cash for HALF of the bill. Due to sibling rivalry, my husband gave him the cash as he didn't want to appear difficult. I was seething because we could not afford it. Then I found out that my brother in law had paid the WHOLE bill on his company credit card !!! He had pocketed our cash too! Never again!

stretebaby

I don't mind splitting the bill when everyone has ordered the same amount of courses and had similar quantities of wine. Where there are irregularities (ie I have ordered more than someone else or they more than me) I just say "here's the money for mine including service/tip". There have been many occasions where someone in our group isn't drinking so I'll point out that we cannot split the bill to be fair to them. I've also had people get huffy as I've given the correct amount for my main course (drink bought at bar) as I wasn't going to help pay towards extra courses and wine consumed by others... and I don't feel ashamed by it, people should pay for what they buy/consume.

Aldahbra

Sooler wrote: »

They're no friends - they're greedy freeloading pigs. :rotfl:

They're probably not they just have more money and don't realise it. It is not until you find yourself short of money that you understand the strain it can cause.

You must stop paying for thier food. Before you go out next time you either set a limit per head and stick to it. OR you request the waiter to spilt the bill.

If your friends are worth having they would rather you raised this issue and got it out in the open, the longer it goes on the worse they will feel when you talk about it.

If they take it badly then really they were only taking advantage of you all the time.

KMDA

I hate it when stuff like this happens, so I always split the bill according to what was ordered NOT 50:50.
I remember being invited out for dinner for a friends birthday, he had invited about 20 people of who I only knew about 5 of them anyway. I was on tap water and had one coke for the night as I was on antibiotics and physically couldn't drink or eat very heavy food meaning my share of the bill came to about £10. My brother and another friend of ours were also not drinking so their meals came to about £15 each. Everyone else at the table had been drinking heavily before they got to the restaurant and when we got there they were all ordering expensive bottles of wine and spirits.

Now even with extra for a cover charge mine would not have been more than £15 so I was unimpressed when he said everyone owed £40 EACH. My brother and I were leaving early so I went up to him gave him £40 to cover the both of our meals and service charge.
We were halfway home when I got an angry phone call from him saying they were £100 down and obviously we hadn't paid our full share (it turns out our friend who wasn't drinking had paid for only what he ordered too) and he said we would have to come back.

I would have laughed this off if I hadn't had a lousy night and if he hadn't presented me with a list of expensive bottles of port/ brandy/ gin/ vintage wine that he wanted for his birthday too.
I told him where to stick his bill and I haven't been out with him since!

I also don't do rounds in pubs if there are more than 3 people, mainly because the last time we did with 4 the 4th guy nursed his drink and then just after the last orders bell went he said "hah you lot have bought my drinks all night and I haven't had to get you a thing!" I also tend to avoid them because if I'm drinking soda water and blackcurrant (cost varying from 40p to £1.50 depending on where you go) it's not exactly fair to subsidise a group drinking doubles or pints all night.

Be fair and just pay for what you order, it saves resentment and arguments later on.

lordharris

Talk to them and tell them you're not happy with the situation. If you try to subtly 'engineer' things round to your way of thinking (for example, you start asking the waiter for seperate bills with no prior discussion) then you will just look passive agressive.

Whether or not to split the bill evenly or work out what everyone owes varies according to the situation and the tricky part is working out in which situations it is appropriate. I'm fortunate enough that I have enough money that in those situations I can just write it off and forget about it (although to be honest I'm pretty sure I normally eat my share ). Equally, I'm not at all offended if someone just wants to pay for what they've consumed.

I do know many people who are positively disgusted by the idea of people merely paying for what they've had, rather than splitting the bill evenly. Suffice it to say, they are quite wealthy and they feel that anyone who isn't as blase about spending money as they are, is a "dirty peasant" (yeah that's an actual quote.)

I think in many cases it's essentially a !!!!!! measuring contest. Whoever can be the most casual about money is the alpha male or something. It would also explain why some people always insist on leaving massive tips, even if the service is mediocre. But don't complain that you think it is too much because then you will be exposed as the runt of the group!