Money Moral Dilemma: Should we stop splitting the bill?

Gnomepig

My husband and i often eat out with my Sister, Brother-in-law and their 2 children aged 6 and 3. We realised that we were still spliting the bill despite there being 4 of them and calculated that by the time the youngest was an adult we would have paid out £5000 for meals out for the 2 children! We decided that we had no choice but to start paying purely for our own food which my Brother-In-Law wasn't that impressed with but that is because his bill can now sometimes be twice as much as ours especially as we tend to have one or two coruses while they have two or three and the children and two plus a couple of fruit shoots each.

I say in this climate don't feel bad about only paying for what you eat and drink; afterall if they are truely your friends they will fully understand.

Saucepot

It's obvious. Pay seperate.

Maat

You need to tell them as kindly as possible that it's time for a change. Real friends won't object to a considerately worded request for each couple to pay for what they consume. If money is not as plentiful at present it may be worth mentioning that you have to cut costs and this is one of the areas you need to look at - although obviously don't lie about this if it's not so. Most people would be horrified to think they may be causing their friends inconvenience, so as long as you're compassionate in your request you're most likely to get a positive response.

This is clearly an issue for you (it would be for me too) and it needs addressing before it becomes outright resentment and your feelings for your friends are adversely affected. I admire your courage in bringing the matter up and I hope you can find a resolution which suits you and your friends.

If you do decide to tackle the subject (it's the behaviours and not the people you have the issue with) good luck with it and post on here so we know how you got on

Augustus_the_Strong

Looks like your fat friends are taking advantage of your good nature - two main courses each ?!! Either eat (or drink) the most expensive options to balance it out, or pay 'actuals' - just tell them it's all getting a bit out of hand and you can't afford to subsidise their gluttony any more. If they're unhappy they can binge-eat to console themselves.

Maddox

Yes, this certainly sounds as if they're taking advantage of your good nature. Just a friendly 'Shall we get separate bills? We're having to keep to a tight budget these days.' It's not hostile, it's probably true and they will get the message. The next time, all you need to say is: 'Shall we get separate bills again?' There's nothing they can say, and you've set the pattern for all future occasions.

The people who get up my nose are those who wait until everyone round the table has totted up their share plus a percentage for the tip and plonked the cash on the table, blithely produce a credit card, scoop up all the cash and then leave a miserly tip for the waiter or waitress! They're making a nice little profit - from your tips! Grrr!

MartinWickham

Easy. You need new friends.

Casual acquaintances are different; be honest and ahead of the game: before awkwardness arises, know what your contribution is, add on 10% tip, put the money in the 'pool' with the comment “that's me paid”/“who’s going to be banker” or whatever. Others can follow your lead or split the remainder of the bill between the remainder of them as they see fit. Remember you need to take the appropriate denominations of cash before going out.

I find find the majority of groups are grateful for a lead and paying the bill is refreshingly amicable.

bulletproof_1979

Some of the posts in this thread verge on the austic in their understanding of social niceties!! You split the bill with your friends because you're friends and a couple of quid is insignificant in the long run (or it should be, if not why are you eating out at all?). Yes someone will do better out of the arrangement that someone else, but hey what's a few quid between friends? It's likely you'll order more than them next time and it'll smooth itself out anyway. The situation described in the OP however seems to be extreme and regular thing, so I would probably just pay what for what I'd order plus a couple of quid for a tip.

Brecon_Beacons

Should I point out the obvious?

1/ NO-ONE goes into a restaurant and orders food and drinks, without looking at the price. So forget the excuses about culture or habit or forgetfulness - I guarantee, these people know what they are doing. They know exactly how much the food they are stuffing down is costing.

2/ The 'Let's Split the Bill' refrain - ONLY heard from the greedy, calculating and !!!!less.
Have you EVER, EVER heard someone who eats and drinks a little, cry out, 'Let's split the bill'?
NO YOU HAVEN'T!

'Let's Split the Bill' is a song that is chanted ONLY by those who intend to eat, drink and carouse at someone else's expense.

Forget about feeling sorry for their poor manners - they won't be thinking about your feelings, or whether you can afford to subsidise them! In fact quite a lot of these unsavoury people are perfectly gleeful about the fact that they can con an evening's eating and drinking out of the more quieter and submissive in a group.

I have lost count of the number of times I have been conned by these vultures. I have a small appetite, barely drink, and time after time, have meekly handed over whatever the chief harpy asks for (they are always so noisy, aren't they, the !!!!!!!!!!s? Always keen to have their say first, daring anyone to contradict them with their joyful 'oh, let's split the bill!').

I have NEVER under-paid for a meal or drink, I can tell you that for a fact (because I can do two simple things: read, and add up!) But I have overpaid hundreds of times.

Now, I will only eat out with people I know. If I intend to pay for both or all of us, I will say so. If I intend to pay my share only, that's what I do! I ASK for the bill, add up what I have spent (if I haven't taken a mental note already, which I usually do), add a few quid for the tip, and that's what goes down on the table!

Just get tough with these people! Most menus are online - find out the price of what you want to eat, take cash with to pay for it, and put that out on the table at the end of the meal, with what you want to pay for a tip, on top. Any queries from the Fat Friends (good lord they must be blubber, eating two mains!) can be met with "our share is on the table!"

girlsam

I concur with first couple of responses. In this climate especially, it is fair to broach the subject and ask the other couple to split the bill based on what you each spent rather than going halves.

Good luck!

dave2

Sometimes these MMD's make me wonder.

I don't think I've ever gone out for a meal (excluding actual/potential girlfriends) where it's not all worked out well with everyone paying their fair share. Exceptions being those times when someone's dad insists on paying for everyone, and dates.

Anytime it might get awkward just head it off at the pass. Always assume the bill is going to be split, that everyone is going to split the birthday boy/girl's share, and pipe up (in an amicable, easy going way such as is appropriate at the table) right away if it's not going to work out acceptably for you.

If you're walking away from a meal resenting the share you've paid, it's really your fault for not handling the situation. It's not difficult, unless you make it difficult by trying to sort the bill at the end.

Couple of last-resort options:
- make it clear from the start you only have £x to chip in so are being careful to keep your order+tip below that (and refuse any offers for things to be bought for you).
- if your companions do take the !!!!, make an excuse for having to leave quickly and throw down cash that should be plenty to cover you.