Money Moral Dilemma: Should we stop splitting the bill?

Lost2

I would ask for two separate bills one for you and your OH and then they can pay for what they have they seem to be doing well out of the deal

craftycrafter

It is possible your friends can't see there is a problem. I think the time to address the problem is before the next meal. So when the telephone call or conversation occurs, say something like "We would love to see you but things are a bit tight now because of (insert something truthful) so we are on a budget. We will be making economical choices and we are going to ask the waiter to give us a separate bill."

Don't ask them, or discuss it, just tell them. If they can't see there is a problem then they won't understand subtlety, but they will understand what you are going to do at the restaurant. However the conversation goes, keep saying "we are going to ask for a separate bill". When they make a comment say, "Uh-huh, we are going to ask for a separate bill". Repeat as many times as necessary!

eco

This thread as been really interesting, and although not on the same kind of level I have a younger sis who's married both have good jobs, where as I'm single good job, my sis paid for the last meal we had when we went out, and I always feel like a !!!!!!!!!!, the thing is deep down I know I'm not cos I take my neices and nephews out and get them treats and give my sis plants,veg I've grown and flowers, I do the driving when we go anywhere and never say I want petrol money so all in all it probably evens itself out, so why do I feel like a !!!!!!!!!!?

Kirri

As this is a real life MMD, I'd love to know what the person decides to do and, if they tell the friends, what their response is, I'd love an update at the end!

oldnewhand

I think I know I should address the situation but would get so uptight about unpleasantness that I wouldn't.
I know when a similar sort of situation happened with works nights out, some people running a tab for drinks then departing to go clubbing before the bill was settled, I just stopped going as (I don't want to sound holier than thou) I really didn't want to socialise with people who could do that to their colleagues. So I guess my answer has to be if they can treat me in this way do I want them as friends? In fact how could they treat people they consider as friends in this way? I think I'd let the evenings of gluttony pass and concentrate on socialise with decent friends who deserve that title.

smk77

I've listened to someone joking about this kind of situation saying that it's "easier to just split the bill than to get the calculator out". I've been out with groups in the past where of course it's easier to split the bill, however, there is always one or two who get stung because they aren't greedy or aren't drinking.

If my wife and I go out for a meal with friends then we try to stick to our budget. We've got 1.5 incomes and a child..our friends don't have children, smaller houses (mortgages), 1 car instead or 2, so they've got more disposable income than we do. However, if I know that paying for our own is going to be problematic then i'll take the hit..but make sure I don't get stung! i.e. Don't pick the cheapest meal and keep up with the drinking!

I find it quite amusing to read through this thread everyone thinks that the bill should not be split. In reality I find that most people want to split the bill (friends and work colleagues).

freelancemermaid

if i am in saving mode, i would pay for my food separately. just go over to the cashier when going to the loo or something. that way no need to embarrass myself or others!

during times when i'm not saving, i have a more relaxed attitude.

but whether i act on this, or put-up with it silently, i always remember these are my choices, not anyone else 'doing stuff to me'.

mejo

We had the same problem and ended up not going with these people for meals. It stopped us feeling resentful and saved our bank balance! We are still friends which had it continued I'm sure we would not even be on speaking terms. The only other alternative is to say you are on a budget and will pay for what you eat but they may say to others that you are being tight.

elvis86

I think this just shows how standards have slipped! People have no idea when it comes to what I consider basic etiquette and manners!

One of my pet hates, are people who sit there calculating exactly what they've had. When they get their mobile out to use the calculator? My God I just want to stab them with a fork!:mad:

Saying that, generally I find that you all have the same. More, "are we doing starters?" etc. Everyone has a main, and maybe a couple of rounds of drinks. In this situation, anyone who is going to argue over the difference between a £9 main and a £12 main, or a £3 drink and a £4 drink, isn't someone I want to dine with. If I'm eating with someone, I don't begrudge them a couple of quid.

However, if there is a big difference in what someone has. Eg if they're not drinking, I will always say, "obviously so-and-so should put a little less as he/she only had XYZ". Anyone who doesn't, is also not worth bothering with.

NJW69

I have different arrangements with different people.

Some want to split the bill equally, some want to each pay for their own, some we take turns in paying.

I'm very generous and I think always overpay but can afford to do so and I wouldn't go out with anyone who I wasn't prepared to do this with however I do remember one time when we were on holiday with friends and my DH was ill so didn't have any food, I ordered the small prawns about £4, she ordered the medium prawns about £8 and he ordered the large prawns £12 and then they wanted to do the usual split the bill but given ours came to about £8 with drinks and theirs came to about £25 we asked to divide it on what we'd had. Not a problem as we were good friends but still felt awkward (this was 19 years ago so the difference then was huge).

I do however really hate it when people calculate the bill down to penny i.e. my bill is £12.15 and yours is £13.50. If it's that important for you to not go the extra 50p the I wouldn't want to go out.