Money Moral Dilemma: Should we stop splitting the bill?

fatal1955

Ditch them and get yourself some friends who think about someone other than themselves! There are still a few such people around.

Seriously, though, what kind of friends are they if they persistently take advantage of you like this?

*Louise*

Lorac29 wrote: »

I read this forum with interest, some of the stories are beyond belief!

There are some restaurants around now (not sure if I can name names here....??) which issue a kind of credit card to each person on the way in, then everyone pays for what they put on their card on the way out. I def use this restaurant for certain friends! Is that something that is a possibility?

Ooo - please do name, never heard of places that do that - sounds like a great idea

elizabethhull

I agree with posters who say bill-paying etiquette depends on the circumstances. I eat out with friends of my own regularly and we all rigidly pay for what we eat/drink - no problem, no embarrassment. I also eat out as a couple with 3 other couples where we bill-split, but these costs are very much swings-and-roundabouts regarding what we actually owe. Equally, no problems.
Whar really intrigues me is, where is the OP eating where ordering 2 mains is even possible? I assume it must be a Chinese or Indian restaurant, and obviously not one with a set-price meal (much easier all round). Sometimes these 'main' courses are not actually intended to be a whole main course portion, but part of a selection of food for the whole table. I would like to see them try this on in a fine-dining restaurant!!!

ALIBOBSY

Worst story like this I know was at my mums 60th birthday meal. We couldn't go as I had just had a new baby (and she was our third!), so we arranged to go to Mum and Dad's in the daytime and had a takeaway.
My sister arranged the meal out and invited a number of couples they are friends with and another couple the wife of which my mum had been friends with since childhood-in fact she actually lived with my gran for a short while, so was more like a sister.

The hubby of the couple has long been renowed for being tight despite having a load of money, but thats their choice what to spend on. He asked my sister how much the meal would be, and she confirmed it was a set menu of 20 per head for 3 courses..

Now on the night my Dad offered to pay for everyone as it was mums special night, but he was shouted down by a few friends who came up with the idea that they would just do a split and cover mum and dads share between them. At this point, hubby of the couple as above jumps up and drags my sister off. Very aggresively he starts poking his finger at her and said you told me it was 20 each we didn't agree to any more (despite them having put a few drinks on the table bill. My Dad was angry as he didn't give a monkeys about the cash, and had they said things calmly it wouldn't have been an issue, Dad told him to get his hands away from my sister (who is tiny and alot smaller and younger than the guy concerned), and told him to pay what he liked or nothing and Dad would cover it no problems.

The guy got his wallet (full of cash btw) and threw down 40 no apologies or laugh off the incident or anything.

They then sent my mum through the post a cheeky poem they had made up basically insulting them and implying some kind of conspiracy to rip them off. Unfortunately this wound Dad up so a poem went back pointing out it wasn't a plan or plot, they had gone about things in the wrong way and about the unpaid for drinks.

Next another letter came with a cheque for the drinks (they had rung up the restaurant to get the exact prices) and quite a nasty letter.

Dad just ripped the cheque up and sent the bits back .

My mum tried to contact her friend to talk about it but she wouldn't speak to her and now they don't talk at all.

Sad really and all over splitting a bill.

Also a bit funny these OAP's jousting with poems rofl.

To op I always do the first in with cash for "what I have had" onto the bill and leave the split to the others. I would roughly add up and round up a bit to be fair/cover tips.

ali x

Fiddlestick

I've been in the position of being the one ordering the starter and drinks and also been in the position of being the one on the dole at the time.

From experience, I find it best to casually ask towards the end of the meal: "How should we sort the bill, should we split it or just cover or own meals?".

I find that gives my dining partners an out if they want to just cover their own.

JodyBPM

Funnily enough, I've been ripped off far more times by people who are "paying their own share" than by bill splitting. Generally I find that the people that "pay their own" conveniently forget to pay for anything shared (eg olives, bread, garlic bread etc), forget to pay for their drinks "oh I only had two glasses..." but 2 large glasses is 2/3 of a bottle! or "I only had a couple of cokes" at £2 per coke, and never, ever add anything in towards the tip. They tend to put in exactly the cost of their main course ONLY and expect everyone else to subside them:(

Generally, when we go the splitting the bill route, we roughly split it to take account of drinkers or non drinkers (eg £20 each for non drinkers, £25 if you shared the wine!) and people will always offer to chip in more (in a rounding up way rather than exactly) if they had something particulary expensive, or a starter or dessert that others didn't. In the same way, if it was noticed that someone had a very cheap meal (starter for main etc) there would be a chorus of "you can't pay the full amount, you hardly ate anything..." and we'd roughly adjust their portion of the bill accordingly.

So to those who like to pay for your own (which is fair enough) I'd just urge you to make sure you DO actually pay for everything you eat and drink, including a portion for shared food.

worldweary_2

This is easily avoided and with no unpleasantness simply ask the waiter as you are being shown your table to bring two bills at the end so you will not have to discuss the matter with your 'friends' and I would very much doubt that they would have the nerve too say anything to you - you may find it inwardly amusing to note that their ordering syle alters quite dramatically the next time that you dine with them, if you are invited that is, once that they discover that their meal ticket is no longer foolish enough to continue playing along through false feelings of obligation. You will then know whether they truely value your friendship or your ability to be hoodwinked by a confidence trickster. Harsh but unfortunately true.

Jo4

Can someone from MSE tell us what the original MSE.com user did in this instance?

Brasileiro_Brit

1d2a3d4d5i6o wrote: »

a recent birthday get together consisted of 2 familys, one family had special offer half price pizza's the other family had rib eye steaks, one family had tapwater, beer and coke to drink the other had bottles of wine at £21 a bottle, at least 2 followed by a port after the meal, then cognacs and coffee to follow, With the saying put it on the bill put it on the bill, needless to say I blew a fuse, which didnt go down well. But at least the bill was fairly divided one familys ( 6 persons in each family) total bill was £120 the other was approx. £300. I did overhear the person who was ordering the bottles of wine panic and say they didnt think they had enough money to pay their bill !!!:T
to all people here who think they are being taken for a ride, YOU ARE and your so called friends know exactly what they are doing, so tell them before you start 'im a bit skint lets pay for our own meals OK' and I think you will find those extravigant meals a thing of the past. :T

I disagree with the last bit of this post. Your example is an extreme case but in my experience people don't have a coffee after dinner or starter when nobody else is having it just so they only pay for a bit.

Obviously there are lots of cases which are harsh like if you're t-total or someone is on the cognac but most of the time I just split it and don't really care whether a friend has had a main worth £3 more than mine.

Just go out for dinner with people you like and who like you and be considerate / away of other people. - no more problems.

Ruth1

Go to a buffet restaurant, one price for all, problem solved.