Money Moral Dilemma: Should we stop splitting the bill?

qetu1357

hikertracey wrote: »

I was surprised with the majority view.We and so many of our friends really despair when a bill is not equally shared [perfectly ok for someone to offer more though] and all avoid dining with those that wish to accurately pay their portion. In most cases you will find the difference quite small as those who had an extra drink may not have had a sweet or the main was a few pounds less and vice versa.
In general terms the overall cost should be seen as a price worth paying to have good company and a good evening out with those close to you and everyone going home having had what it is that makes their evening complete .If you are worrying over who had extra then eat before you go out and meet up for drinks instead.
It is UNUSUAL to go out to dinner and have 1 course only I would suggest,why not try a light starter or light sweet ,it will make the dining experience last longer ,be more enjoyable for your friends too who after all are only ordering what they would normally do when out for dinner and may well be consious that their appetite is greater than yours.If they are very good friends suggest they drive as you do not eat much but would like to have a couple of drinks instead.

If the difference between splitting and the actual share is minimal then don't worry and don't get the calculator out!

But if the difference is large, maybe because one is drinking booze and one is not, it is up to the greedy one to say "look i had loads more so i will pay extra"

Cloudane

Say you'll pay separate or just calculate what you owe and put that in. I don't generally believe in bill splitting or drinks rounds for this kind of reason

Especially the drink rounds as it's pretty much always unfair on someone due to different drink tastes, insisting on rounds between 7 people who are only out for 6 etc. The latter in particular as it rewards the ones who drag their heels in taking their turn with a free night, which 'due to alcohol intake' they 'conveniently forget' next time the group is out.

RuthnJasper

I think the friends should pay for the food they eat/remove to eat later and that the MSE'er and his good lady should just pay for what they eat.

It may well be done in innocence by the friends (although I find it difficult to see how they could claim ignorance), but the bare fact of the matter is that the MSE'er IS subsidising their friends' food costs.

My mum usually does her supermarket 'big-shop' with a friend who doesn't have a car. My mum wouldn't pay for her groceries and then give one of her bag-fulls of food to the friend. It seems to me that this, pretty much, is what's going on in the restaurant.

If it was once in a while, I'd keep quiet - but the OP states that this happens regularly. If he were to tot up the amount that has accrued over time whenever he pays half of the bill whilst consuming much less than half of the food, I'm sure he would be quite shocked. To judge by the amount of food the 'friends' are ordering, I smell a big fat rat - and it's got nothing to do with kitchen hygiene...

This situation sounds just plain unfair and I do think it's time to call a halt to it. It's simple - they pay for the food THEY have. Do they offer to give the MSE'er half of the doggy-bag's contents? Doesn't sound like it...

Two mains EACH, plus sides?! That's not normal... Gluttony is one of the Seven Deadlies, you know...!!

Kiko4564

You could reduce the money you give to them, as opposed to stopping altogether. This could be a good compromise.

loadsamunney

Ask the waiter for 2 separate bills. We do this all the time with our friends. Its a bit cringeworthy first time , but its sooooo much easier this way.
You could say somthing like " alright if we ask for 2 separate bills from now on as things are a bit tight at the moment and we dont want you to feel awkward if we order somthing cheaper"

Please just do it. I really hate to see nice people get ripped off.
But most probably your friends dont even realize they are doing anything to upset you.
Do it .....and let me know when you have done it!!!
good luck

cotsvale

When meeting one set of friends for lunch I always ended up paying more than my share. I get around this now by making sure that I don't have change ie £20 note and saying that it would be easier to pay seperately than fiddle around with change etc. Never had a problem with the bar staff about this and always leave a tip.

I don't drink alcohol and hate it when other people (family) order bottles of wine and expect me to pay towards it ( sis in law is the worst), now I ask them how much was their bottle of wine before we split the bill.

mum2one

Without putting the cat among the pigeons - how much do you as the couple value the friendship, not that I agree with what their doing, but it would be best to say something before you get to the restaurant, to save any embarressment.
Maybe they don't realise it, or just presume its normal, but by asking for a doggy bag, they know they order too much.

Would have a quiet word, just saying that you love going out, but splitting the bill is expensive and it means that you can't do xx instead......... maybe guilt trip.

Next time as others have suggested ask for the bill to be split seperately 1st, and if they don't when the bill comes (or from the menu) have a rough est how much the meal is.

I once had a free loader friend, who on her rounds drank half a lager, others buying she asked for a malibu and pineapple juice..........I'd been caught twice, the 3rd time, I didn't ask her, just got her half a lager, when I gave it her, she said, oh I wanted a malibu and pineapple juice, so loud enough to be heard, but with a smile, I said, Oh I didn't realise, just that the last round (which happened to be hers), you started drinking half lager, so just got u the same, after that, I said i pulled out of the rounds!!

Serendipity_phoenix

MSE_Lee wrote: »

We regularly eat out with another couple and split the bill. While my wife and I stick to one main each, they order two each and enough sides to feed an extra table adding £30 to the tab. Yet they never eat it all and always ask for a doggy bag for leftovers. I feel like I'm subsidising their food shop.

I think because this is regularly not a birthday or special occasion then you need to set boundaries.

I am sure you are not saying that your wife and yourself eat like sparrows at this meal, but rather you order one main meal each (like most normal human beings!) and may be an odd side/starter/afters depending on what you feel like on the night.

I have never been out with someone that ordered two mains, and if I did I don't think I would want to eat with them again, as that is simply greed, I would find it embarrassing!

You are right to be feeling like you are paying for their greed and food shop, £30 pounds of extra sides is a lot, especially as you don't say you share them, but rather they take it home.

I would start asking the waiter/ress if you can pay/have bill separately, or if you can open your own tab (depending where you eat)
If the place you go to doesn't do this then take cash and give your total only (rounded up to the nearest pound).

If they are friends they should not have a problem with this (or even mention it), if they do have a problem then they are 3loaders who knew what they were doing.

What would their attitude be like if it was the other way around?

What about going to somewhere that does the buy one main get another free, or 2 mains for £5.99, (still only pay for your food/drinks).

This (rightly so) is obviously bothering you, so do something before you start turning down the opportunity to go out with them.

I dont think it needs to be a big long conversation, it doesnt even need to be mentioned, a quiet word with the waiter should do, or a statement when the bill comes (make sure you pick it up first) of "we will pay for our food and drinks" then pop the cash on the table.

hazbas

What size are these people who order 2 main courses plus loads of side dishes! No way should you be paying for this. Real friends would notice that they are ordering much more than you and offer to pay more.

Serendipity_phoenix

A thought has just occurred to me!;)

You could send them a link to this dilemma!