Money Moral Dilemma: Should we stop splitting the bill?

lilykim

When I go to say lunch with my friends, we always pay our own individual bill. It keeps things simple, we stay friends, and enjoy our meal!

Ebenezer_Screwj

These people are free loaders and only do it because you let them. Point out that you will no longer go out to eat with them because you are cutting back and can only afford to pay for your own share.

jonnysolar

To be honest, for me there is no dilemma here at all - the only question is how directly or subtely you wish to address the problem. If someone is so blatantly taking the mick, you need to decide for yourself if it is something they don't actually realise they are doing, or if they are knowledgably taking you for the ride. I would hope it would be the former, as I'm sorry, but someone doing the latter is not your friend.

Personally, I would be direct about it, and if they ask for chipping in on the bill, simply point out that you chose items coming to appoximately £x and that the additional is not something you can afford to pay; if they are unable to afford these, they should not get them! If they are true friends, they will apologise, and be thoughtful about monetary problems, but if they have something to say about it, I would think twice about entertaining the meals with them in the future.

But that's just me

letitrain

We had couple of friends like these two.
He would order at least two or more things more than us and then expect to only pay half the bill.
This was a calculated thing on his part as on one occassion when it came to ordering a very expensive bottle of wine I just said that I did not want any wine but if he wanted it then he would have to pay for it.
Of course he never ordered the wine as he would have to pay the full cost rather than than just half the cost.
In the end we decided that we would no longer bother to go out two eat with these two.

neptel

A diplomatic way to deal with this is to break the pattern - so, instead of waiting for the 'let's eat out' suggestion, get in first and instead suggest eating in and you cook dinner.

Next time, say you just want to meet for coffee/cake out.

Next time tell them you only want to eat something light as funds are tight/you're saving/watching pennies and can't afford 'big eats'.

Keep changing the style of the event and you'll soon break their pattern of abuse.

sportychick

As many people have said, you should no longer split the bill. You know your friends so decide the best course of action for approaching the subject.
Like a lot of people have suggested, saying from the beginning that you pay only for what you have each ordered or ask for 2 seperate bills works really well and should not offend anyone. Your real friends should have no problems with this. Don't be embarrased about raising the issue as otherwise it would continue on and it could become a problem.

It is amazing how stupidly ignorant people can be. :eek:

On a group night out, we had already paid for our "all u can eat meal" in advance, all that was to be paid that night was the drinks bill, which was split equally bewteen the drinkers. The designated drivers just paid for their own soft drinks. I had 4 drinks all night and my husband was driving, but I ended up paying £40 for £20 worth of drinks between us both, due to the equal split!:mad:

The next time, when the drinks bill arrived and someone gave out the total for each person to pay £30, so my hubby (wasn't driving this time) and I would have to pay £60 plus a tip, i looked at the bill and totalled up our drinks, approx £22 altogether. I then said to the person who was doing the dividing, sorry but our drinks bill comes to £22, here is £25 including tip.
The drinks bill was looked at more closely and people realised that those drinking wine all night (£25 a bottle) had to contribute considerably more and the bill was divided fairly by amount consumed and drink type rather than number of people.
I did not have anyone get angry or question me for raising the issue, and i feel that others were oblivious to the cost of the wine or the amount of alcohol they had consumed (it was the people who are loaded who drank the most and had all the wine) and the impact that has on the less wealthy! :beer:

All future nights out, drinks bills are to be divided this way or ordered and paid for at the bar. It also means everyone in the group can enjoy our nights out without worrying about expensive drinks bills or having enough money. We are all still friends, I have had no problems with or from anyone and i'm really glad i did it.:T

laurel2

I can't believe someone could be so greedy and not realise what they are doing.If they are not prepared to pay their share and you can't talk about it with them, then they are not really friends

pennypinchUK

So you regularly eat with these people. Therefore we can assume they're good friends. In which case, as friends, you should be able to simply say to them "Tell you what, tonight we're only having a main meal - we'll pay separately and then you can have whatever you want without feeling guilty about ordering more".

If they're real friends they won't bat an eyelid. If they're spongers they won't suggest another meal out, and you've found out the true reason for their friendship.

pineapple

I've thought about it some more and think either the friends are taking the 'p' or are amazingly self centred. On a group meal out, I am always worried about choosing a more expensive menu item even. And in the past, if I have had an extra course to the others, I chip in the extra. So forget all the stuff about saying you are on a budget. I would just announce that henceforth you would like to pay for your own. End of.

hikertracey

I was surprised with the majority view.We and so many of our friends really despair when a bill is not equally shared [perfectly ok for someone to offer more though] and all avoid dining with those that wish to accurately pay their portion. In most cases you will find the difference quite small as those who had an extra drink may not have had a sweet or the main was a few pounds less and vice versa.
In general terms the overall cost should be seen as a price worth paying to have good company and a good evening out with those close to you and everyone going home having had what it is that makes their evening complete .If you are worrying over who had extra then eat before you go out and meet up for drinks instead.
It is UNUSUAL to go out to dinner and have 1 course only I would suggest,why not try a light starter or light sweet ,it will make the dining experience last longer ,be more enjoyable for your friends too who after all are only ordering what they would normally do when out for dinner and may well be consious that their appetite is greater than yours.If they are very good friends suggest they drive as you do not eat much but would like to have a couple of drinks instead.