Please help me im now desperate - and now sacked from my job

cas26

Everyone is entitled to their privacy, including you!!!! You shouldn't be made to 'pay for' things that have happened in your past especially things that weren't your fault.

He sounds extremely selfish, you will get loads of support from people on here and a wealth of experience that they bring. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and make a good life for you and your daughter, with or without your OH's help. His family should try to be more supportive instead of blaming you, but if he isn't being honest with you about the bills/debts etc then he probably isn't being honest with his parents either.

I hope you can remain strong but don't think you have to do this on your own, there are plenty of people to help/support you. Make sure you do as someone else suggested and contact CCCS or Payplan. If your not sure look at some of the other threads to see how it helped them.

Are you renting? if so who's name is the lease in?

juliejuly4

Maria

Just a thought, but have you tried Education Authority for grant for uniform and paid meals at lunchtime for your daughter?

Hello

Hi Maria

You know the saying 'you can choose your friends but not your family'? Well that's why we are here, because we are your friends.

It sounds to me that the in laws are embarrassed by their own son and go into the defensive attack mode. I can't see any other reason why they would be so despicably nasty to the mother of their grandchild. Good for you for not taking any notice.

It can take a lot longer than (27 did you say?) your age to come to terms with what happened to you. Some people never sort their heads out and I think you have coped admirably. Lets count the good points:

I think that the fact you are in contact with your Mother is brilliant, even if she is not what she could be at the moment. You have been strong enough to start building the relationship.

You are strong enough to hold down 2 jobs

You are strong enough to care for your daughter

You are strong enough to cope with stupid and ignorant in laws

You are strong enough to put up with your OH behaviours (do you write in your diary about your debts? He will either stop reading your diary or start working with you!)

You support your husband. Institutionalised or not, he's not exactly making an effort to deal with it. I have been in a similar relationship in the past and therefore cannot pass judgement on yours, just offer support when needed.

You are dealing with your debts.

You are only a size 12-14, I think I was 12 the last time I was that size!

You are NOT a doormat, just a bit overwhelmed, that’s all, and by the sounds of it you are moving along to start getting a handle on these debts.

I would sincerely suggest the CCCS and Payplan, I have heard such good things on this website about them. Good luck with the gathering of the paperwork, let us know how it goes and I am sure more help will be forthcoming.

Hello

markmc999

Heya.

Just to also add in *huge huggles*. Some comments/advice for you from my point of view.

* have you considered that your husband may be having mental issues with his return to civilian life? A trip to the docs maybe?
* Contact your local LEA and explain the issues to them, see if they can offer advice re: lunch money etc. I am pretty sure you will be entitled to free school meals (which the school will thank you for as they will get extra funding!)
* Go to see the school and explain the issues to them. They may have somebody who can help and will be aware that they may need to spend extra time with the little'n. Kids do learn a lot of school but do need reenforcement on a more personal level at times - if the school knows whats happening they WILL try and help.

Good luck!

Mark x

mae

Have you ever had counselling for what happened to you? If not maybe this would be a good idea?? I mean you deserve some peace of mind regarding your past and to realise that you are special and important as anyone else and also your daughter deserves that you feel that way too because that is how she will feel about you and will want you to feel the same. The most important person to get love from is yourself then the rest will follow, give yourself some special care even if its a long soak in the bath and a pamper show your daughter that its important to love yourself. I know you've got some big problems but you still deserve the little things in the mean time. Sit and reflect and give your self a pat on the back for getting through your child hood and for turning into the person you have.

Little_Miss_Winner

Hi Maria,

Not got much else to add, you have had loads of sound advice from the others, so just wanted to add my support to you as well.

Your daughter sure is lucky to have such a mum as you!!!

I think you need to get tough with your oh, and tell it like it is! You don't seem to have much else to lose, You seem to have been living like a single mum as it is, so a good boot up his re@r end wouldn't hurt. I bet you will feel so much better after!.

Where are you from originally? Would you consider moving back to that area?

Hugs for now, and keep posting
pot
xx

mae

Just wanted to bump this to keep the help going

lynzpower

Maria
Ive only just seen this and want to give you a massive hug across the miles.

There are a few things you might want to consider doing to find extra money later on, with things like quidco.com and so forth, but it sounds to me like your head is all over the show at the moment, and fair enough too, you sound like you are really up against it.

I did an internet search and heres some organisationsd that might be able to help you, if nothing more than a listening ear, but also there may be some pots of cash that you could benefit from http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/armed_forces.php

Best of luck
Lynz
xx

angeluk69_2

Hello wrote:

Hi Maria

You know the saying 'you can choose your friends but not your family'? Well that's why we are here, because we are your friends.

It sounds to me that the in laws are embarrassed by their own son and go into the defensive attack mode. I can't see any other reason why they would be so despicably nasty to the mother of their grandchild. Good for you for not taking any notice.

It can take a lot longer than (27 did you say?) your age to come to terms with what happened to you. Some people never sort their heads out and I think you have coped admirably. Lets count the good points:

I think that the fact you are in contact with your Mother is brilliant, even if she is not what she could be at the moment. You have been strong enough to start building the relationship.

You are strong enough to hold down 2 jobs

You are strong enough to care for your daughter

You are strong enough to cope with stupid and ignorant in laws

You are strong enough to put up with your OH behaviours (do you write in your diary about your debts? He will either stop reading your diary or start working with you!)

You support your husband. Institutionalised or not, he's not exactly making an effort to deal with it. I have been in a similar relationship in the past and therefore cannot pass judgement on yours, just offer support when needed.

You are dealing with your debts.

You are only a size 12-14, I think I was 12 the last time I was that size!

You are NOT a doormat, just a bit overwhelmed, that’s all, and by the sounds of it you are moving along to start getting a handle on these debts.

I would sincerely suggest the CCCS and Payplan, I have heard such good things on this website about them. Good luck with the gathering of the paperwork, let us know how it goes and I am sure more help will be forthcoming.

Hello

Maria, Hello has said everything that needs to be said to make you smile (BTW if I was a 12-14 I would be shouting at the top of my voice and walking round all the time with my bits out...not thoses bits but showing some flesh- I am a 18-20 and I am only 24), Like I said to you we will all help you with the debts, get urself onto the phone to CCCS who will guide yuo thru court and baillifs and everything else you need, I am on a DMP and even phone if I have forgotten something, so they are really good.

Let us know what your debts are and we will take it from there

spud30

Hi Maria :wave:

I can only second what Angel has said.

I am also just starting on a DMP with CCCS, and they have been really great.

What is even better, is that a few of the very friendly CCCS staff even post on here, providing important inside knowledge, help and support.

BTW, I was born a size 12 and unfortunately carried on growing. I would be chuffed if I ever got back there again.

Stick around love. We will all do what we can to get you through this :grouphug: