Please help me im now desperate - and now sacked from my job

Whits

maria932 wrote:

I regret ever moving here to Wales and our relationship has gone to pots since he left the Army.

I went to Wales once so I can understand what you mean:D

As for the army, some people become institutionalized to it and just can't cope. Maybe it's better if he does go back but I don't feel that you want that life.......

Decisions are always hard to make when they change your life but can you go on like this?

sophiesmum_2

Hi Maria
I have sent you a personal message,

i hope you are feeling less alone with all the support from the great people on this site.
You are not a doormat and should not allow yourself to be treated that way. You are doing a great job of trying to provide for your family,and your daughter can see how hard you are working.
please reply to my personal message.
sophiesmum

chevalier

Silly question I know but if your hubby liked the life so much, why did he come out of the army.

Also when they come out don't ex army get a payment to help with the transition back to civvy life?

I really think your best bet would be to talk to Payplan or CCCS. In the first place once you have made the initial phone call, and been given the date for the detailed phone interview, you can then write to all your creditors telling them this. For most of them they will stop hassling you, as they know then that you are taking steps to get your debts sorted. You could enclose £1 with each letter as a token payment, until the payment plan is sorted.

Also I would suggest setting up a basic account with a provider who is not linked to any of your creditors. You can then have your wages paid into there, and you can then start budgeting.

Personally I feel very sorry for you with the attitude your husband has. I would make him go with you to court in September, maybe then he will see just how serious this is. Is he younger than you? Boys do mature more slowly, and he is behaving like a child.

If he wants to go back in the army so much, why is he waiting till January? Can't he go back in straight away?
Best of luck
chev

maria932

Hi Chev, as he is going to go into the paras he as to wait to be released from his core he was in before leaving. He also has to wait for a training course. He did get a payment but he wasted it on booze, and cigarettes and things like that.
The silly little things he does get to me aswell, like not having my privacy, reading my diary, going through my handbag, reading my post.

Sophiesmum - yes i do feel a bit better as im getting support here that i havent had before. Im taking in every word you are all saying.

I cant say it enough to you all but im so gratefull for all your help and advice, school uniform offers, it means so much to me. Also means alot that there are people out there who have been in the same position and it helps knowing im not alone and others have gone throught it and pulled through.

angeluk69_2

Hi Maria,

I must have missed you last night, was just wondering if you are feeling a bit better today, mind a bit clearer etc.

I have been looking thru the posts since I logged off and all I can say is:

I hope you realise that altho your husband isn't very supportive, we are all here for you and any advice you need can be sought on here, it may not always be accurate, but I am sure you will agree, we all try our best.
Your husband really needs to be made aware of how you are feeling, and how bad your situation is. He really is being a pig (I say that even tho I believe there are 2 sides to EVERY story), and also putting a lot of pressure onto you to work your !!!!!! off, while he sits backs and watches you work yourself into the ground.
even if you don't want to you MUST sit down and talk with him about the debts and the lack of income on his part. If he still doesn't want to do anything to help you may have to look at the bigger picture and decide if you really need him and his laziness. Trust me your daughter won't appreciate an ongoing feud between her parents ( I saw it all when I was a kid, I knew my parents both loved me but I will always resent my dad for the way he treated my mum).

I think it would be an idea to (if you haven't already) put up your list of debts (in ful so we can advise further)

anything else pls feel free to pm me

maria932

i will do, just need to go through the paperwork.

thanks for your support

angeluk69_2

no worries huney
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

P.S. KEEP SMILING

halloweenqueen_2

Hope everything goes well for you. Does his mother know how much debt you're in - or would it not be his fault?

kessik

Hi Maria
When your OH rejoins the army will you go into married quarters somewhere away from Wales? I ask this because it seems to me that you are at a disadvantage being on your OH's home turf so to speak and that there may be an improvement if you can both get away from his family.

Another advantage of MQs is that they are far cheaper than regular housing which might give you a chance to work on reducing your debts. I have lived on a married patch (Navy, not Army) and found it as supportive as you want it to be - very child-friendly, lots of like-minded women around, etc.

It seems to me (but maybe I'm reading it wrong) that your financial troubles started when you left the Army and as another poster has said, it is very easy to become institutionalised. Some men just cannot cope with civilian life and the wife has to be VERY strong (whether in debt or not) - you have to decide whether your relationship has enough going for it to be this strong in the short term until he is back in the Army.

I think you will find that the military tries its best to help its enrolled personnel when they have problems but it's a hard and lonely place outside. There are organisations that can help such as SSAFA but my experience is that it's a very long process and they tend only to help with major purchases like wheelchairs and stuff.

I think if I was in your situation I would get on to the council tax office first thing on Tuesday morning and explain your situation to them - we were sent a summons for non-payment of 2 months CT and the council just worked out a different monthly repayment for us. And we didn't have to go to court but of course you have to stick to the plan. Others probably have a better idea than me of the order you should try to pay things off in so I'll leave it to the experts.

Only you can decide whether it's worth staying with your OH. I think this is what you have to tackle first. I'm not trying to make excuses but leaving the Army has been a massive culture shock for you both, especially if it's the only life you've known together (and since his hometown is not your hometown I suspect you've always been an Army wife). It's really tough for someone to go from a situation where every decision is made for them to one where they have responsibilities and live in the real world. This could be why he acts in the way he does.

Hope this is some help

kessik

kessik

Also, don't get stressed about your littl'un not being able to count to 5 when she gets to school - if they're any good she'll be counting to 100 by the end of the first week. And the nursery can't be up to much if she's been going there for four months and they haven't taught her. You're too hard on yourself Maria!!!! You have enough to do without doing their job too. Children are like sponges and she'll pick it up in no time - don't sweat the small stuff!;)

kessik