Please help me im now desperate - and now sacked from my job

littlestar1981

I have to tell you Maria, my lightbulb moment only occurred yesterday when I finally sat down and realised exactly (to the penny) how much debt I was in. I was sat there thinking 'for a 24 year old, debt of over £28000 is a joke amount of debt, even if half of it was my exes spending in my name and a shiny new car. How am I ever going to pay it back?'

But I have slowly trawled this unbelievably amazing site for ideas of money making and money saving, dug out all my paperwork and accurately filled in the snowball calculator (the link is about somewhere), and even though my debt free date is over three years away I feel a hundred times better just for knowing that a debt free date does exist.

Am repeating previous posts probably but stick your SOA on here, the experts are all here. And not one person will tyr into con you into and dodgy consoliation!!

Hugs x

jen30_2

Hi Maria,

I can't offer you any more advice than has already been given but I just wanted to say I think you're an incredible woman and should be very proud of yourself for facing your problems head on. :T

Your daughter is very lucky to have a mummy like you.:D

Big Hugs to you. Keep your chin up. You're doing fantasically.

KittyKate

Hi Maria. Hope you are well. Just to ask; have you got a uniform sorted out for your little girl yet? If not, I will happily get you a brand new blue jumper, just to let you know there ARE people who care (and most of them are in this thread lol!)

markmc999

KittyKate wrote:

Hi Maria. Hope you are well. Just to ask; have you got a uniform sorted out for your little girl yet? If not, I will happily get you a brand new blue jumper, just to let you know there ARE people who care (and most of them are in this thread lol!)

*sniffs*

awwwwwwwh

*sniffs a tad more *

Thats so sweet !

markmc999

actually to add to that, I'm not doing owt to help my "macho" male image am i?!

angeluk69_2

Maria

I am still thinking about you, and I know I have promised to help you which I stick by and as Kittykate said, let us know what school uniform you need and I will also help as much as I can.

Haven't heard anything from you in a couple of days, just wanted to make sure everything is ok and see if there is anything you need help with.

Just let me know

Em

Verbatim

Hi Maria,

Big hug to you.

You probably could use some help at the magistrates' court. Do you have a Citizens' Advice Bureau (CAB) near you? They might be able to send someone with you or at least help with an explanatory letter.

SAFFA which is something like Soldiers Sailors Airforce Families Association can help with money worries and other matters. Also Family Welfare Association might help with getting free school meals and a grant for school uniform.

Doesn't sound as if your OH is doing much for your self confidence. But like the others on here I think you're doing an amazing job keeping it all together.

It's not your fault that you were abused!!! Tell that to your mother in law.

I was also wondering whose name the debts are in. I'd concentrate on paying the ones in your name. Do you have a joint bank account?

maria932

Hi all, sorry i havent been around the last couple of days, i dont get home till after 8 in the evening and am so tired. will try and come on tomorrow night to let you know on the latest, a few things have happened as i have taken your advice. i muast get some sleep im at 6:30
Will speak to you then
Thanks all for caring so much

esthomizzy

I haven't read through every post so apols if it's something someone else already picked up on but if he is joining back up in January then perhaps you could ask for a mortgage break from your mortgage company until then. The interest would rack up but you might be able to get back on track with the other things in that time. If your hubby is as useless as he sounds he's probably better off posted elsewhere out of your hair.

Good luck with everything

littlestar1981

I've just read this entire thread.

Maria, you say you are scared about being on your own with this debt.... but to me that's the situation you are in now anyway?

I lived with an ex for four years and in those four years he must have earned no more then £1000.... I was doing overtime almost every day to add around £500 a month to my income, while he spent his days sleeping til 4pm, playing pool or disappearing to the pub and CASINO with my Visa card.........

Yet, surprise surprise, who was blamed at the end of the month when we were overdrawn? Me. He convinced me I wasn't doing enough to cover the bills, that I wasn't good enough to manage a house/my life. If I did anything good, like passed my driving test, he 'informed' me that was down to him as he suggested I learn to drive. When I eventually left him I spent months apologising to everyone, e.g. I work in a call centre, and I either became too scared to ask a manager for help or did ask and spent the next hour apologising for bothering them. He had left me with a scar that had me thinking everything bad was my fault, and that I couldn't function alone.

After much counselling (free through work!) I have come out the other side.

I think my point here, Maria, is that you are seeing one huge debt, and seeing it as YOUR responsibility alone, when it should be a joint debt. If you can get an emotionally clear head by getting rid of the things that are clouding it (i.e. those who refuse to help and those who call you ridiculous names), you'll then get a financially clear head which will have the ability to view your finances with a positive outlook, even if you do have to deal with them on your own.

As you can see my debts are huge (at least 10k due to my ex) but I have accepted them, broke them down, used the snowball calculator to show that they WILL be paid off and will work tirelessly to get rid of them. But I wouldn't have been able to do that if I hadn't cleared my emotional head first, the emotional head that spent money on material possessions so people would like me.