Please help me im now desperate - and now sacked from my job

Little_Miss_Winner

what a lovely post Mrs Optisimist!

smokybabe

Hi Maria, I have not posted before - but your story has moved me to tears. I was also abused for many years as a child followed by an abusive working relationship and yes an abusive marriage. I quit the job and the marriage with relatively little debt, only 7k but managed to sort myself out over the years and went on to meet and marry the most wonderful man who has been instrumental in turning my life around and also giving me three wonderful children.
It has not been easy - it is only now at the ripe old age of 42 that I look forward and not back, we are not rich and do watch the pennies but thankfully do not owe one penny to anyone.
My only advice to you would be that allthough quitting your situation may seem super scary - I promise it will not be that bad - It can not be as bad as remaining in the situation you are in where on a different level the abuse is still being perpetuated. However any decisions in this direction are yours to make and your alone. I admire your strength of will and as a fellow survivor I would be more than happy for you to contact me any time for a natter.
However on to the nitty gritty, what else do you still need for your daughter's uniform? post a reply and I will try and get it sorted for you - be it money or articles of clothing etc., and contact you privately to sort it out.
Take care Maria, lots of hugs and remember that you have found an extended family here who will do their best to help you. XXX

beanielou

And another one from smokeybabe as well

Julieboo

Hi Maria,
My heart goes out to you and big hugs all the way.:grouphug:
I've read all the thread and I'm so sorry that your husband shows no interest or offers no help with the debt-as it does seems like the majority is his anyway. It also seems that all he really cares about is having his smokes and drink.
Have you really thought about what you are getting from your marriage, love?, security, self worth, esteem, respect-the way you says he treats you sounds like all you get is disrespect and abuse (a size 12-14 is tiny..wish I was). Marriage is built on respect and working together and it sounds like this is a master-slave relationship. I think it is about time your OH woke up and smelled the coffee, if he can get into debt he can also work as hard as you to get out of it.
I looked at your debt list and it does look like most of your debts are your OH's, I can only speak for what I would do if I was in a relationship with a man who refused to help and made me feel bad-get out, take your daughter and start again, (who knows maybe this will make him wake up and change) get yourself a small flat to start with (hey if all us on here throw a couple of quid together I bet we could raise a deposit for you on it).
Then as a lone parent put a new claim in for child benefit and tax credit and give up the PT job (so then you get time with the person who does actually love and respect you).
Your old tax credit claim made as a joint couple will not affect a new single claim as its dealt with separately. I worked out that on £900 per/month you will be entitled to £84 per week tax credits (more than your PT job). Your council tax will be 25% reduced as single and you may get money towards it. You should also get something approx £5 as housing benefit.
Immediately forget about your husbands debt (you are separated and he can sort these out). Then anything with your name on speak to the bank/cards tell them your situation, separated, lone parent etc work out payment deals through CAB etc and explain the situation. Worry about you, your daughter and your new place. You are working hard and once these debts are on payment arrangements you and your daughter can build a better life.
Go to court about the council tax on your current property-that is important and needs sorting but let your OH sort out the rest on your current property. You could ring electric/gas etc anbd explain that you no longer live there and direct them to your OH. After all he seems to think nothing of leaving you in the sh*t.
I know this sounds harsh but he needs a shock to the system to get him into action-let him answer the phone, the door, the letters etc.
This way you get a new start, don't worry about credit checks etc on getting a new property-you do need a deposit and 1 months rent but if you look in local newspapers there are always landlords that will rent without credit checks.
It sounds like you have been on your own for so long already chuck that you may as well do it for real and let your OH dig hiself out. Look after you and your daughter, after all what kind of role model is he for her?
I apologise to all if this sounds harsh but reading this thread has made my blood boil...some men are a complete waste of space and seem to thrive off the misery of others....

chin up, big hug:grouphug:
p.s My debt is not too far off yours, I know how it can feel

Julieboo

p.s apologies for going on so long....

maria932

Thank you, you have all been so kind.

On Wednesday I have a day off from both jobs so im going down to the CAB, I will be taking all paperwork for everything inc water and council tax and see if they can help me sort it out and get it in to some sort of order.

On the uniform side i think she has everything now apart from socks and tights, but will ask my mother-in-law and see if she will get some for Cadence.

I had a long chat with my father-in-law over the phone earlier and explained the situaltion as he was asking for money that hubby had borrowed. I explained to him and told him that hubby had borrowed it he can pay back. I told him that the situation was that bad that im gone have to close my website down as i cant pay for it anymore, he had ago at me about it. (He knows how much my website means to me as i enjoy my freebies and entering comps) saying that i cant close it down as thats my hobbie, i said well your son wont help pay towards debts and make sure his daughter has a good life so what choice do I have. That hit father-in law into reality and i went on to explain how much and whom he was quite shocked.
I have told before but they never listen. We will see where that one goes.

I will also let you all know if hubby gets this job tomorrow.

sophiesmum_2

Hi Maria
Glad to see that you are facing up to things and will be getting some advice from the CAB. Whilst you are there explain the situation to them about the tax credits, there must be a way of you getting what you are entitled to from them.
Maybe now father in law knows the xtent of the debts he and MIL will put pressure on your hubby to get a job and get stuck into the debts.Anyway at least now they know what you are facing and why you are working such long hours.
Good for you for finally putting your foot down and telling them to deal with hubby regarding money HE has borrowed from them.:D
Don't forget there are lots of people on here to support you,you are not alone in all of this. take care.
sophiesmum

maria932

Ill take that aswell. Is there anything else I need to take with me can you think off.

I dont think I would of done as much as i have done if it had not of been for everyones help onhere, especially like standing up for myself. That support goes along way and helps knowing that people do care. I think that is what gave me the confidence. All of you

markmc999

Maria, if you want message me and I will see if I can help you keep your website online with hosting etc.

Julieboo

Well done Maria,
I hope now you can get that much needed support from your in laws (its too much to go through alone) and we're all here for you too. Sometimes people just don't want to see what is really happening and you really have to be strong (and brave) to make them see. I hope your OH gets the job and your daughter is a really lucky girl to have such a strong and caring mum as you. Keep plodding, the road may be hard but you will get to where you need to be.
:grouphug: