Midwife been discussing my son with mums-to-be

angelicmary85

JoJo you haven't upset me, I'm just frustrated that people don't always believe what's being typed.

TBH, I never thought she had any concerns because she was always referring to me as fat and Down's was an after thought.

I'm not unhappy that my baby is different, I was naturally upset to begin with but it doesn't matter to me. He has no medical issues (except slow bowels) and is months ahead on his development chart.

Yes, Down's is very rare here, so much so they didn't know about the green bit that goes in the red book.

I don't tend to dwell on it as I'm not bitter about having a baby who is slightly different but being mentioned at her clinic has really annoyed me and because of some of the replies on here, I had to go into more detail than I'd hoped to try and explain the situation surrounding this MW and the healthcare 'professionals' that are based here and going back through it has wound me up a bit.

I could go on all day about being shoved in a side room at the hospital against my wishes and not being allowed to get a Bounty photo or the midwife telling me my baby might die just after my OH left but I'm not going to - all of that seems irrelevant but still carries some relevance as I'm trying to explain why this has to be the final straw.

Molly41

Morgan_Ree wrote: »

yeah along with English language, psychology, essay writing, personal statements, maths etc etc

They are definitely not purely science based

Midwifery is an art not a science. You just cant predict what will happen in any given situation. Yes you have to understand the science but its not predictable like science because you are dealing with two unique human beings - the mother and babe and how they interact with each other. A midwife's hunch - again not scientific or evidence based but I always went with mine and was never proved wrong (unfortunately)

Getting back to the original point its still not too late to discuss your concerns with the Head of Midwifery. If you need support doing this talk to PALS attached to the unit you had your son. The head should look through all the notes and talk to the midwife. They should debrief with you and you can say how you feel and your concerns regarding your care and regarding issues of confidentiality. That way both you and the midwife get feedback from the situation. Good luckx

Having just read your last post it would be really beneficial to the unit that you indeed fed back regarding your care as they have an awful lot of lessons to learn. Please do this for yourself and for other mothers that follow. Its atrocious care that you received and you can do something about it if you complain. I know it's hard but please get the support and do this.

clairec79

angelicmary85 wrote: »

The thing is though, I came back low risk so the test can't be that accurate anyway :undecided

The consultant told me that my wee man is 'remarkable'...so he must be doing well

Then that's what she's saying 'that you can come back as low risk and still be that one, I've known it happen'

I've known someone who was low risk and was that one, in fact I can think of 3 or 4 in the past 5 years - so I may well say that I've known it happen, it doesn't mean I'm referring to one of them in particular. I've been including it in my 'triple test speech' since I started training - if someone heard me say that and then met someone who was in that situation they may assume it was that woman I was talking about - when it most likely wasn't, she probably also includes a woman who was high risk and her baby was 'normal'

clairec79

My midwifery degree isn't a BSc, it's just a Bachelor of Midwifery as Molly points out it's an Art as well as a Science, and some unis give a BSc, some a BA and others a BMid

The repeated conversation doesn't quite make sense (either as a reason for the test or a reason against it) - I wonder if the other mum was remembering it the wrong way round.
> This test gives you the risk of having a baby with Downs syndrome, it will show high or low risk. You may be high risk and have a 'normal' baby or low risk and have a baby with Downs, there was a young woman recently who that happened to. You'll only be offered further testing if you are high risk
> I don't want it.
>fine

poet123

I agree what the midwife allegedly said was unwise, but if you live in such a small place the chances are that she was under the impression that your son's condition was common knowledge.

Also, the condition is not as common in the babies of younger mothers so I suspect that from a health professional's pov she was just emphasising the point that uncommon it may be, but it can, and does happen.

If you feel uncomfortable/upset about it I would contact her and telll her so, but imo it is not a discipinary offence, any more than a nurse might encourage someone to vaccinate by saying they had a child in with case of measles. However, of course you may see it differently and are entitled to take it further if that would make you feel better.

nottslass_2

angelicmary85 wrote: »

JoJo you haven't upset me, I'm just frustrated that people don't always believe what's being typed.

TBH, I never thought she had any concerns because she was always referring to me as fat and Down's was an after thought.

I'm not unhappy that my baby is different, I was naturally upset to begin with but it doesn't matter to me. He has no medical issues (except slow bowels) and is months ahead on his development chart.

Yes, Down's is very rare here, so much so they didn't know about the green bit that goes in the red book.

I don't tend to dwell on it as I'm not bitter about having a baby who is slightly different but being mentioned at her clinic has really annoyed me and because of some of the replies on here, I had to go into more detail than I'd hoped to try and explain the situation surrounding this MW and the healthcare 'professionals' that are based here and going back through it has wound me up a bit.

I could go on all day about being shoved in a side room at the hospital against my wishes and not being allowed to get a Bounty photo or the midwife telling me my baby might die just after my OH left but I'm not going to - all of that seems irrelevant but still carries some relevance as I'm trying to explain why this has to be the final straw.

Its awful that any new mum should have experienced such insensitivity that you have.

Have you ever thought about contacting the Head of midwifery at your local Hospital ? Perhaps there is some way that you could use your experience to educate others it could prevent other mums being treated the same way.

GobbledyGook

What exactly is it about what she is saying that you object to OP?

It doesn't sound like she's saying anything bad about you, just using a case example to make people realise that Down's is not a condition that is limited to the babies of older mothers and that the test does not pick it up always so people should think about it.

angelicmary85

GobbledyGook wrote: »

What exactly is it about what she is saying that you object to OP?

It doesn't sound like she's saying anything bad about you, just using a case example to make people realise that Down's is not a condition that is limited to the babies of older mothers and that the test does not pick it up always so people should think about it.

I object to being used as a 'case study' for other mums in her care.

I object to her using myself and my son as examples of what could happen to other mother's when we live in such a small town where it's obviously me that she is talking about.

Spendless

angelicmary85 wrote: »

I understand that you think I'm lying about being the only baby/child here with Down's but I'm telling the truth.

I just want her to not speak about us...is that such a bad thing?

I'm not convinced that it's to do with you 'not wanting her to speak about us' cos would you have been as upset if the woman had said to you 'ohhhh it's you the MW meant today when she was telling me what a gorgeous little boy you have when we were discussing whether I should have any tests for Downs done'? Something like that still identifies you but would it have concerned you in the same way.

I think (and this is just my opinion I could be barking up the wrong tree) it is to do with your care, you feeling you weren't listened to when you had your concerns during your pregnancy, your upset at people not coming out to assess your child and various other things you've told us on this thread.

Others have told you the steps to raise these as an issue, clarify what exactly it is that you are cross about first, it helps you stay focussed.

Good luck.

bylromarha

OP - have read the whole thread and agree with those who state that making an appointment with the head of midwifery is the best way forward.

It will hopefully give you closure on the incidents which you still seem to be troubled by during the pregnancy and birth and when talking to someone who can change things, you can speak with a cool head and relay facts of things which were out of order rather than feelings and emotions which is hard work for you to dredge up time and again.

All the best.