Midwife been discussing my son with mums-to-be

angelicmary85

I understand that you think I'm lying about being the only baby/child here with Down's but I'm telling the truth.

I just want her to not speak about us...is that such a bad thing?

patchwork_cat

This lady told me that I was too fat to feel my baby move...then said to me when he was born, I wonder if that's why he wasn't moving. I questioned her about it and she suspected something and didn't say....that, to me, is unreasonable

I feel that you also want to make a complaint about the care you received in your pregnancy, maybe a letter to the head of midwifery would be in order.

nottslass_2

Hopefully the Midwife was talking generally about the risk of Downs,if she's been practising for many years,shes possibly cared for other ladies who have delivered Babies with Downs.

If on the other had she described you and your situation in so much detail you were easily identifiable I'd put in one massive complaint.

BTW congratulations on the birth of your little boy - enjoy him.I'm sure he will bring you much joy and happiness.

angelicmary85

Morgan_Ree wrote: »

Why not send her a letter (or phone if you're brave!) asking for an apology
I couldn't phone. I'd turn into an irrate high pitched mess (i get very high pitched when I'm angry! )

She'll either flat out deny she did anything wrong, in which case if you want to take it further the I think then consensus would be on you proving she has broken patient confidentiality, rather than on her proving she hasn't iyswim

Or she may reply with an apology in which case you would have been right all along and basking in your glory will be justice enough

Unless of course you really hate her that is......

I don't normally like to get angry with the medical profession as they do a very demanding job that is often thank-less but I really feel like this area is a joke when it comes to the NHS. It was only a few months ago that the local hospital started offering 20week scans.

patchwork_cat

Morgan_Ree wrote: »

No it's not a given.
Most of the student midwives at my uni have come from a care assistant/maternity assistant background having done an access to HE course at college

But anyway read the second part of my last post
I'd like to think she was just making the mums to be aware of all upto date info reg this test. Including the 'not so good' parts such as occasional inaccuracy
Which is exactly what she should be doing.

My brother teaches just such access courses and they are science based. But the training for midwifery should also cover the science behind the actuality - although I know reality is far removed from whta should happen, I gave up when my HV marked graphs with a dot, I would have been thrown off my science A level courses for less heinous crimes!

angelicmary85

patchwork_cat wrote: »

This lady told me that I was too fat to feel my baby move...then said to me when he was born, I wonder if that's why he wasn't moving. I questioned her about it and she suspected something and didn't say....that, to me, is unreasonable

I feel that you also want to make a complaint about the care you received in your pregnancy, maybe a letter to the head of midwifery would be in order.

Maybe I should have complained when I was given the chance, I might not be so annoyed with her now if I already felt like it'd been dealt with?

Morgan_Ree

patchwork_cat wrote: »

My brother teaches just such access courses and they are science based. But the training for midwifery should also cover the science behind the actuality - although I know reality is far removed from whta should happen, I gave up when my HV marked heights witha dot, I would have been thrown off my science A level courses for less heinous crimes!

yeah along with English language, psychology, essay writing, personal statements, maths etc etc

They are definitely not purely science based

esmerelda98

angelicmary85 wrote: »

esmerelda98 wrote: »

You haven't said anything new. You don't know of anyone else, that doesn't mean there isn't anyone else. Have you considered areas surrounding your immediate locale, there may be children there with Down's.QUOTE]

The consultant paed for this area informed me that she never had to come to my town before as there was never any kids here born with Down's. There is a playgroup about 30miles away for the kids there with Down's and all those kids live in that town.

See, I still don't think you live in a town. It is just statistically unlikely that there would be just one child with Down's in what is generally considered to be a town. I think you live in a small village, in which case the midwife is likely to travel between villages seeing patients. Do you have it on good authority that the midwife only works in your 'town'? These are just my thoughts. Without knowing exactly where you live it is difficult to say anything more definitive.

angelicmary85

esmerelda98 wrote: »

angelicmary85 wrote: »

See, I still don't think you live in a town. It is just statistically unlikely that there would be just one child with Down's in what is generally considered to be a town. I think you live in a small village, in which case the midwife is likely to travel between villages seeing patients. Do you have it on good authority that the midwife only works in your 'town'? These are just my thoughts. Without knowing exactly where you live it is difficult to say anything more definitive.

It's not really classed as a village as it's slightly bigger and yes, of course the MW travels to see mum's in other villages around about the area.

What stood out to me the most was the 'lives here' part and that could only have been us. I don't know how more times I need to say it.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Thanks for replying to me, OP. The lack of movements thing is dismissed by some doctors as a midwives' tale - she may have been unsure whether to say something, especially if your test came back as low risk - but, on my own experience, as I was considerably heavier, I definitely felt far fewer movements with the second baby. She was also 10cm taller than most newborns and weighed 9lb 4oz, but it was only the midwife's comment 'that's a tall b*gger you've got in there' that gave me any warning - no doctors or scans picked up just how long her legs were, they just predicted a 7lb baby, as I wasn't diabetic and babe wasn't bulky like a plumper baby is.

It would probably have been better if she had said nothing to you, but once a midwife's hunch has been confirmed (and she probably feels sad that she was right but could do nothing about it), she might be more confident to voice her suspicions when she next sees a mum that she feels uneasy about.

All I can think of is that most people in your area choose not to continue with their pregnancies, OP, but obviously, again, we will never know this for sure.

It is very easy to get cross about things after births that don't quite go as planned, even some months later when the huge amount of adjustment and work eases off and you finally have the luxury of being able to sit and think for a minute.

I think that is possible that your coping with thoughtless healthcare professionals - the health visitors may have been reluctant to do the assessment because their training wasn't quite up to date (due to the rareness of Down's in your area), and the nursery nurse wasn't trained enough to explain this tactfully - is making you a little sensitive. Sometimes, you need to choose your battles and conserve your strength. Your little boy may need you to have the energy to get extra support at playgroup or school, for medical care, which you will be better able to deal with if you are not worrying about something a midwife said, in all probability for the best of intentions.

I hope that I haven't upset you at all. I do understand that such things can come back to you at inopportune times and, from experience, all I can advise is to try and let as much of them go as possible, as it can harm your happiness to dwell upon them.