Midwife been discussing my son with mums-to-be

Spendless

angelicmary85 wrote: »

That's how the girl told me it went. She said she felt that MW was trying to pressure her by telling her about my LO.

Yes, that's how She felt and she has told you the story feeling that way, which in turn has upset you.

As an outsider looking in, eg from a non-emotional pov,I agree with morgan rees that she hasn't done anything wrong with regards to saying to other mums about the test.

Eg though I agree that repeated that way, it doesn't make any sense that she was saying have a test which was wrong last year.

However if you are uncomfortable that you have been identified, then that is an issue to look into, others have given you possible routes for complaints.

esmerelda98

The conversation you repeated does not make sense, which makes me have doubts about the accuracy of the information relayed to you. I take it you live in a hamlet, or perhaps a village. If you live in a town there will be more than one child with Down's syndrome living there. I would also like to know how you can be sure your child is the only one with Down's living locally. I just can't see how you can be sure.

A midwife would be negligent if she did not discuss the availability of the test with her patients. Now if we were talking about a really rare condition, something only a handful of children have, I would say it is probably inappropriate to mention that she has had a patient who gave birth to a child with that condition. Down's syndrome is uncommon but not rare, so I think your case for complaint is weak. She hasn't been going into details of your case, just saying what all midwives up and down the country say everyday: Young women give birth to babies with Down's (too). In fact most babies with Down's are born to young mothers.

Apricot

The midwife should be impartial.
MW: Do you want the test?
Mum: No Thanks

By telling the story is she saying that an "abnormal" pregnancy should not be continued with? You can get a high risk result, risk the amnio and potentially lose your baby when there might be no problem whatsoever. I think it is every womans choice whether or not to have the test but no one wants to feel as though they are doing the wrong thing so I worry that through her saying this out of a willingness to comply women who would not have previously had the test will be tested and then possibly have to deal with more stress and worry throughout their pregnancy.

Incidentally, my sister had the blood test for Downs and hers came back as 1:9. She is 18 years old so it is extremely unusual to get such a high result at her age. She decided that she would not have an amnio as the result would not make any difference to her deciding to continue witht the pregnancy. My niece is 17 days old and is displaying none of the characteristics for downs.

angelicmary85

esmerelda98 wrote: »

The conversation you repeated does not make sense, which makes me have doubts about the accuracy of the information relayed to you. I take it you live in a hamlet, or perhaps a village. If you live in a town there will be more than one child with Down's syndrome living there. I would also like to know how you can be sure your child is the only one with Down's living locally. I just can't see how you can be sure. No, there are children with other conditions as I've stated previously, there aren't any children here with Down's. There are 2 adults with Down's and that is all. I can be sure because the MW has said the bit about it being a year or so ago...that year or so ago, was my wee boy.

A midwife would be negligent if she did not discuss the availability of the test with her patients. Now if we were talking about a really rare condition, something only a handful of children have, I would say it is probably inappropriate to mention that she has had a patient who gave birth to a child with that condition. Down's syndrome is uncommon but not rare, so I think your case for complaint is weak. She hasn't been going into details of your case, just saying what all midwives up and down the country say everyday: Young women give birth to babies with Down's (too). In fact most babies with Down's are born to young mothers.

Of course she needs to tell patients and of course I'm not the only young woman to have given birth to a child with Down's but but I feel she went into a bit too much detail by saying 'a girl that lives here' and 'a year or so ago'

angelicmary85

princessleah_ wrote: »

The midwife should be impartial.
MW: Do you want the test?
Mum: No Thanks

By telling the story is she saying that an "abnormal" pregnancy should not be continued with? You can get a high risk result, risk the amnio and potentially lose your baby when there might be no problem whatsoever. I think it is every womans choice whether or not to have the test but no one wants to feel as though they are doing the wrong thing so I worry that through her saying this out of a willingness to comply women who would not have previously had the test will be tested and then possibly have to deal with more stress and worry throughout their pregnancy.

Incidentally, my sister had the blood test for Downs and hers came back as 1:9. She is 18 years old so it is extremely unusual to get such a high result at her age. She decided that she would not have an amnio as the result would not make any difference to her deciding to continue witht the pregnancy. My niece is 17 days old and is displaying none of the characteristics for downs.

I'm not really sure what she is trying to say. I know that there was a debate at the HV's office when LO was born as none of them wanted to do the routine checks. It was a really nice nursery nurse that came out and told me they were discussing it.

Spendless

angelicmary85 wrote: »

TBH I wouldn't care if she was sacked. I told her everytime I seen her that bubs wasn't moving as much as DD did and she told me I was too fat (which yes, I was a stone or 2 overweight but I'm not massive) to feel him moving...she needs to be kicked into touch :mad:

angelicmary85 wrote: »

I'm not really sure what she is trying to say. I know that there was a debate at the HV's office when LO was born as none of them wanted to do the routine checks. It was a really nice nursery nurse that came out and told me they were discussing it.

To me at least, it sounds like this goes much deeper than you being identified to the woman you spoke to today.

Got to go now - school run. Best of wishes

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I think that being happy for her to be sacked for pointing out that you were less likely to feel movements when you are two stone overweight and getting so furious about her mentioning to other mums that there are cases of children with Down's is unreasonable.

It may be wonderful for you to have your lovely little boy, but for some people, it would be too much for them to bear. All the 'well, I won't care if it's my child' in the antenatal appointments can go out of the window once it's a harsh reality that a child has a potentially life limiting condition.

Midwives will see these people. They see husbands who storm out, never to be seen again, they see mothers in pieces or unable to bond with their children due to shock diagnoses. They also see people who have found out at testing and have used the time to adjust to the idea and welcome their special babies into the world and parents who are surprised but accept it without demur.

It is their job to provide information and in your case (if you really have the only child with Downs for miles and miles and miles - 'mine's the only child with Downs in the town' seems unlikely to me), giving the example that young women can also have babies with Downs, 'as shown by a young woman last year', is hardly a breach of confidentiality, but more a effort to try and encourage mums to take advantage of the tests available.

Fewer children with Downs are placed into residential care or put up for adoption since testing was available - one of the reasons for this is that parents are better prepared and supported now many have a prenatal diagnosis. This means to me that these children are more likely to be wanted and loved than in any time in the past, which is the right of every child, IMO.

Being told you were a bit porky is unpleasant and tactless, but not grounds for trying to get her sacked for giving mums nonspecific information in an effort to improve child health.

esmerelda98

angelicmary85 wrote: »

Of course she needs to tell patients and of course I'm not the only young woman to have given birth to a child with Down's but but I feel she went into a bit too much detail by saying 'a girl that lives here' and 'a year or so ago'

You haven't said anything new. You don't know of anyone else, that doesn't mean there isn't anyone else. Have you considered areas surrounding your immediate locale, there may be children there with Down's. I think it's unlikely that someone who didn't know your family could find out about your son from the comment, 'a year ago or so'. In any case if your son really is the only child with Down's that information is irrelevant. A nosy person would just ask around about the child with Down's. The bit about a girl is a non-starter I think. Though the risk of having a baby with Down's increases with age, since young women have most of the babies, they also have most of the babies with Down's. So I don't think she has given away any identifying information there. Perhaps it would have been better for her to not mention at all having a patient who'd had a baby with Down's, but I think she was trying to get across the idea that Down's isn't just a issue for older mothers.

clairehi

This makes no sense.
The OP had the blood test and it came back as low risk, her LO was then born with Down Syndrome so the test was misleading.
Why would the midwife use this as an example to persuade others to have the blood test?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

clairehi wrote: »

This makes no sense.
The OP had the blood test and it came back as low risk, her LO was then born with Down Syndrome so the test was misleading.
Why would the midwife use this as an example to persuade others to have the blood test?

Perhaps to get across that low risk isn't the same as no risk? Or that although she has taken to the change with no warning, it's a lot better to be prepared if at all possible by having the test?