Midwife been discussing my son with mums-to-be

angelicmary85

Afternoon All!

I was speaking to a friend (who was shopping with his DS's pregnant OH) in the supermarket this morning.

The conversation of babies led onto my DS and my friend asked how he was. I told her he is doing really well blah blah blah and pregnant one says to me 'oh, so you're the one that *midwife* was talking about' :eek:

I asked her what she meant and it turns out that she's been talking about me and my DS in her clinic.

She hasn't been saying anything nasty, I just don't feel comfortable being spoken about.

Am I wrong to feel a bit taken back by this? Although no names seem to have been mentioned, surely she shouldn't be talking about us?!

cloverfan

I think it depends more on what she was saying tbh.....sometimes i think midwives need to talk about mums/babies as it can help others. Just think out of all the babies she must meet yours must be pretty special for her to want to remember and talk about him??? unless it was really personal i would let it go....congratulations on your DS

patchwork_cat

Oh dear - that is a no no. You would think that if they didn't mention names it would be alright, but it isn't. I would infer that you mind as you posted this, do you want to take this further? Dare I be nosy on an anonymous forum and ask what she said ( wishes for nosy roley !)

springiness

I can understand how you feel but I don't think the midwife has done anything wrong, not mentioned names and so on.

I hear lots about other patients from my vet, I worry about my dog being on certain drugs or having an illness, and the vet tells me about another patient in a similar situation and how good/bad the outcome was.

It's even possible the midwife was talking about someone else who just happens to be similar to you and your friend jumped to the wrong conclusion.

angelicmary85

My wee boy has got Down's and she's been warning all the mums that their kids might have it aswell as a way to force them into getting the AFP(?) test if they don't want to have it.

I feel that that, is just wrong.

angelicmary85

springiness wrote: »

It's even possible the midwife was talking about someone else who just happens to be similar to you and your friend jumped to the wrong conclusion.

I'm the only mum to have a child with Down's in my town...there's no way it's someone else she's talking about.

Apricot

angelicmary85 wrote: »

My wee boy has got Down's and she's been warning all the mums that their kids might have it aswell as a way to force them into getting the AFP(?) test if they don't want to have it.

I feel that that, is just wrong.

That is definitely out of order. I would write a letter of complaint to let her know that you are uncomfortable with your son being discussed and used as a reason to coerce other mothers into getting a test for Downs.

I wouldn't be at all happy about this and definitely think you should take it further.

angelicmary85

princessleah_ wrote: »

That is definitely out of order. I would write a letter of complaint to let her know that you are uncomfortable with your son being discussed and used as a reason to coerce other mothers into getting a test for Downs.

I wouldn't be at all happy about this and definitely think you should take it further.

I agree.

I just needed to know I wasn't being silly

patchwork_cat

springiness wrote: »

I can understand how you feel but I don't think the midwife has done anything wrong, not mentioned names and so on.

I hear lots about other patients from my vet, I worry about my dog being on certain drugs or having an illness, and the vet tells me about another patient in a similar situation and how good/bad the outcome was.

It's even possible the midwife was talking about someone else who just happens to be similar to you and your friend jumped to the wrong conclusion.

A vet is a bit different! I don't think they have the hippocratic oath do they? No it is wrong and the midwife could be in serious trouble ask any nurse or doctor.

Seriously you are the only mum in your town with a son that has Down's syndrome? I am getting quite cross thinking of her judgemental attitude. , and she is using you and your son as examples of you don't want that. Whilst I am sure you have shed tears over your son's condition I am also absolutely certain he has brought you so much pleasure and makes you smile every day.

My grandfather was a schools health doctor and in those days children with Down's syndrome attended boarding schools and the one thing my grandfather could not just let go when he retired was his frequent visits there or his place on the governors. I can remember many happy hours spent visiting there with him as a child, so much happiness.

pixiepeople

angelicmary85 wrote: »

I agree.

I just needed to know I wasn't being silly

I would ask to speak to her first, to hear it from the horses mouth so to speak

but if what you have heard is 100% correct, I would be livid, especially if it being for coercion

ladybez

Midwives are bound by their code of conduct, part of which is a confidentiality clause, which your Midwife has broken by discusing you with other mums. Also it is up to the individual to decide whether to have certain/any antenatal testing done and not for pressure to be put on anyone. You could speak to the midwife concerned or contact her employing hospital and ask to speak to the manager, or the PALS office. If you want the matter to be dealt with formally, you will need to put it in writing. What she has done could well be a sackable offence.