God help me but I don't know what to do

Molly41

Troubledmummy - you have both been through so much and she has obviously witnessed stuff that no child should. It sounds like you are trying really hard and that she has the capacity to respond. I agree that counselling and support with her behaviour is the right way forward. I wish you lots of luck and love for a positive future for both of you x

cat_lady_4

Its rare that i reply on threads like this, but i can see that you are doing some really positive things with your daughter, cooking with her, developing her interests and sticking up for her with the trains incidents. One things strikes me in particular, she finds it really difficult to talk directly to you about her experiences, behaviours etc. This might be because she finds it too hard to verbalize her experiences or respond to yours. adults find this difficult too. (i'm sure you know plenty of people who would rather eat their own eyeball than talk to someone who has for bereaved, for example)

So, what your posts are saying to me that she might find it easier to express her feelings indirectly, for example through play, art, drama etc. She likes art, so maybe you could do things like drawing/ collages of things that make you happy, sad, would like for the future etc, all done in a very informal way. Does she like role play? perhaps you could do some 'lets pretend' of diffferent situations like getting married, looking after pets, playing DJs and choosing happy and sad songs for a disco etc. These things are not as serious or as formal as i make it sound but she might express herself better through play.

sending you good wishes x

mrcow

troubledmummy wrote: »

This is where it all began to fall apart, she started getting very touchy and I reassured her that she wasn't being criticised or attacked, and if we looked at her behaviour yesterday nothing that we were writing down she had demonstrated yesterday. She demanded that I skip a line when writing the list, but there aren't many lines and she confiscated the paper. I took control of the situation and got the piece of paper back however she stormed out when I wanted to write down that she was to stop putting me down in private and in front of other people, she asked for an example which I gave her and she denied saying anything screaming and shrieking at me and stormed out. So now she is in her room sulking.

What's in her room for her to do? I was just wondering as you'd said she'd stormed off to there.

Does she have a tv or computer in there? What is she doing whilst she's "sulking"?

troubledmummy

Had another good day. I am feeling hopeful but not deluded that this is the end of everything. We had a couple of good days the last time we tried a reward chart before she stopped caring. But it has been a good day and she has been delightful, she is older now than the last time we tried reward charts as a way of celebrating and encouraging good behaviour, so you never know. Still going to see the dr about her though

mrcow, she doesn't have a tv or a computer in her room, she sits in there and does art or plays with her toys if she is sulking

eira

What is she like at school ?

1) As other posters have suggested do go to your GP for a CAMHS referral
2)Some areas have organisations that provide support for victims of domestic violence
3)The school may have a Learning Mentor who could provide support/advice (although this is very variable)
4)Some local authorities may have Community Mental Health Workers-you can self refer in total confidence and talk things through.They can signpost other agencies
5)A Family Support Worker is a time limited intervention where the worker supports parents who may need help with behaviour etc
6)Parentline are a good resource both on the phone and online

Ring up the council and see what support services there are. There is a variety but it has to be what you find acceptable and useful.
Finding out what happens at school is a starting point. I have read the thread so I hope this is a bit I didn't miss.

An idea is also to start looking at positives-however small they may seem initially,

All the best