please help

AnxiousMum

kwl327 wrote: »

I dont see it abusing the system, its what we are entitled too. If she lives on her own and she claims IS / HB she will have money for her and the baby.

If i live on my own i get to pay my bills support her and the baby with what i have left and its all perfectly legal. whereas if she lives with me i think we would be screwed. i have tried all money saving things and i am getting there.

You have forgotten about the fact that if you were legitimately not 'a family', that you would need to be paying her 15% of your salary as well in child maintenance.

But what you describe is that you will be a family, but not often enough that they could say you were living together as one.

*****NEWSFLASH******

Many people, and you can find them on these boards, have been done for fraud for doing exactly as you describe you wish to do. They have mistakenly gone with the myth that you can 'spend two or three nights per week' with the other party and not be classed as living together. You can in fact, be living apart, and not spend any nights with her, and still be classed as a family.
Are you not going to do family type things together? Will you ever go shopping together? Eat meals together? These are the things that make you a family, not what time of day you get your shags in and whether that means spending the night or not.

By not becoming a parent in the same home as your child, are you telling her she's not good enough for you full time? That you want a child for the fun times but not prepared to be there in the middle of the night if needed? Sorry, but if what you are posting here is your real attitude, I hope she wisens up well before baby is born, and finds someone else who will take her on for who she is, baby and all - just because he loves them

kwl327

divastrop wrote: »

Being at college does not make you entitled to IS. I am a mature student at college and many single/childless people have had to drop out of the course because they couldn't claim JSA and couldn't fit the college work in around their jobs.
On what grounds is she claiming IS?

NB 25k a year sounds like a pretty decent amount to me!

she got made homeless and went to college full time then moved into her flat and claimed income support all to which DWP all said was ok.

AnxiousMum

kwl327 wrote: »

she got made homeless and went to college full time then moved into her flat and claimed income support all to which DWP all said was ok.

Um, is she a minor? Being a full time student, and not having children - but getting IS? Is she a minor that has been cut off from her family or something?

kwl327

AnxiousMum wrote: »

You have forgotten about the fact that if you were legitimately not 'a family', that you would need to be paying her 15% of your salary as well in child maintenance.

But what you describe is that you will be a family, but not often enough that they could say you were living together as one.

*****NEWSFLASH******

Many people, and you can find them on these boards, have been done for fraud for doing exactly as you describe you wish to do. They have mistakenly gone with the myth that you can 'spend two or three nights per week' with the other party and not be classed as living together. You can in fact, be living apart, and not spend any nights with her, and still be classed as a family.
Are you not going to do family type things together? Will you ever go shopping together? Eat meals together? These are the things that make you a family, not what time of day you get your shags in and whether that means spending the night or not.

By not becoming a parent in the same home as your child, are you telling her she's not good enough for you full time? That you want a child for the fun times but not prepared to be there in the middle of the night if needed? Sorry, but if what you are posting here is your real attitude, I hope she wisens up well before baby is born, and finds someone else who will take her on for who she is, baby and all - just because he loves them

she is sat here beside me now. she knows the situation and would rather us both have money than be stressed about having none at all and in turn could split us all up.

kwl327

AnxiousMum wrote: »

Um, is she a minor? Being a full time student, and not having children - but getting IS? Is she a minor that has been cut off from her family or something?

yes now 19

kingfisherblue

kwl327 wrote: »

well is it your money she is taking or mine or both. you would have to pay tax regardless of whether she claimed or not. making sure our baby has got what he needs before deciding weather to move in is my first concern.

If we move in together and it causes huge amounts of stress because we have no money could equal us splitting up and she being a single parent claiming all the benefits she could of before we moved in.

i would love for her to move in with our son and help out with everything that is needed but at the minute it is not possible.

i just need a little advice as we taking everything into consideration hence the reason i am on here.

Does your baby not need both parents to bring him/her up?

No money but you earn £25,000?

Why isn't it possible? You sound as though you are making excuses.

I'm sorry if I sound unsympathetic, but you just come across as an immature person who is trying to play the system to get as much as possible in benefits.

As others have said, it is cheaper to run one household than two. If you are having difficulty on what is quite a decent wage, maybe you shouldf post a Statement of Affairs on the Debtfree Wannabe board, so that posters can help you to manage better.

Your baby deserves both parents. If it doesn't work out, fair enough, but at least give it a try. Maybe I am old fashioned, but I would expect some commitment before having a child. You are showing no commitment to either your girlfriend or your child - you are putting obstacles in the way where there aren't any.

You have been given advice, but don't seem to like it.

Time to grow up a bit, I think.

fav77

kwl327 wrote: »

If we move in together and it causes huge amounts of stress because we have no money could equal us splitting up and she being a single parent claiming all the benefits she could of before we moved in.

Sorry, I don't get it!! How can having a baby together be an easier decision than moving in together? Babies are stressful, relationships are stressful, life is stressful! Should we all live in seperate households and live off benefits just in case we can't hack the pressures of real life?! Why not sort out the living arrangements BEFORE making babies?

Metranil_Vavin

kwl327 wrote: »

she is sat here beside me now. she knows the situation and would rather us both have money than be stressed about having none at all and in turn could split us all up.

In which case you obviously know what you want to do/have all the answers, so not much point to this thread.

Best of luck (particularly to the kid)

Next.

sunnyone

kwl327 wrote: »

she is sat here beside me now. she knows the situation and would rather us both have money than be stressed about having none at all and in turn could split us all up.

How sad that you see pennies before a lifetime relationship, your relationship with your girlfriend has very little chance of lasting but a child is for life.

Let me guess, her parents (at least one) is on benefits, maybe even DLA which means that she had to leave or the would lose the SDP.

AnxiousMum

kwl327 wrote: »

she is sat here beside me now. she knows the situation and would rather us both have money than be stressed about having none at all and in turn could split us all up.

I think that the stress of being investigated for fraud, and being imprisoned for it would, or the threat of that hanging over you, would be alot more stressful as it would involve the separation from your baby. Easy for you to say Kwl.....it would be your girlfriend who would be investigated, charged and imprisoned for fraud.

Many posters on here actually work for various departments, and come on here to offer their help because they actually care and want to ensure people have the right information.

kwl's girlfriend - would you file for child maintenance if living apart? Would kwl be prepared to have his name on the birth certificate? You have CHOSEN to have a child together, does your child not have the RIGHT to have both parents around to care for him, to provide for him, and love him unconditionally regardless of whether the parents are using him as a little benefits catcher or not? Honestly - if your boyfriend cannot handle the thought now, he's hardly going to improve once the teething starts, or when the baby has colic.......sounds like a man, sorry boy, that wants it all, no matter the cost to you and your child.