A dilemma regarding money and grandparents

Brighton_belle

Another one here Molly who didn't think you came across as greedy and money grabbing at all.
Everything you explained in your last post I had already understood from your previous posts.
And everything Mooloo has added only confirms what I had the imagination to already assume was the case.

I can also imgine that it may be the case that your husband, not unlike many men, just wouldn't have been able to bring himself to ask however desparate, out of male awkwardness, pride etc and it 'the mother' desperate for her children who will take tha final very difficult step.

Falling ill enough to lose your job (and total quality of life by the sound of it)is devastating enough, but even having covered yourself with insurance (i.e. been the 'responsible adult') has proved to be not a fail safe option I can't imagine how tough that must be.

I think you were a little harsh daisy flower: unexpected illness brings unexpected expenses and loss of income at a time you are not fully fuctioning, and you initially don't think it will be for long either. Molly hasn't blamed anyone else, but nor does she deserve to be 'told off'.

JodyBPM

I'm somewhere in the middle on this one.

I don't think Molly is being moneygrabbing, its clear she has her back up against the wall, and I think it is reasonable to ask for help from parents if necessary.

However, I think the parents are perfectly within their rights not to help, because they've saved that money to safeguard their own retirement, and so its a pretty big "ask" to expect them to give away tens of thousands of pounds.

So Molly, I think you need to move on, accept they are not prepared to help out, and not hold any resentment for it. They are not obliged to help you, although it would have been nice if they had!

I hope your insurance policy pays out, and things get better for you soon!

Errata

Molly - hope you've felt encouraged by the supportive posts.

Personally, I would crawl on my knees through broken glass, lick the M1 clean and do absolutely everything within my power to keep a roof over my children's heads - and that includes grovelling for money to those close blood relatives who have many hundreds of thousands of pounds.
I can't understand the mindset of those who wouldn't go to the ends of the earth for their kids when hit by a crisis not of their making. Takes all kinds I suppose.

thistledome

Have you thought about asking your PIL's to buy your house and let you live in it for a reasonable rent? Or is that a daft idea?

LondonDiva

Another one who doesn't see what your pils have done wrong.

You weren't asking for a couple of thousand as a loan or one off, you were asking for a whole lot more as a gift.

Have you thought about renting out your home and downsizing to a much smaller flat for a few months?

lilac_lady

As someone who would NEVER ask anyone for money and have always relied on myself to cope I can understand Molly's in-laws refusal.

Speaking as a parent who has given my children money now instead of when I'm not here, I can't understand their refusal.

What a dilemma for you Molly. I hope your luck changes.

blabberwort

I understand you wanting to do whatever you can legally to provide a home for your children, but again like a few other posters I dont understand your resentment towards your pils.
I havent reread the entire thread but im sure it was mentioned that your PILs are in good health. Im not sure what baring this has though as you yourself have proven that illness can strike at any time and as such I think theyre being responsible wanting to keep their nest egg for healthcare if they do get ill.

Another point is your OH doesnt have a close relationship with his parents so again I dont understand your resentment they wont help. You must have expected this to be their answer if they dont have a great relationship with their own son. Why are you hurt they wont offer emotional or other support? I would have thought it was obvious just from what you have said that theres little likelyhood of any so again why the resentment?

I do feel for you despite my above opinion, but it looks like you and your OH are going to have to deal with this on your own without his parents help. If it involves having to sell your house and renting then this is what you will have to do. Theres also I believe a good debt help part of this forum where people will beable to advise you more clearly on your debts and what you can do.

I hope that you can sort this mess out your insurance company appear to have created, but I think your going to do have to do it without the help of your OH's family.

Savvy_sewing

LondonDiva wrote: »

Another one who doesn't see what your pils have done wrong.

You weren't asking for a couple of thousand as a loan or one off, you were asking for a whole lot more as a gift.

Have you thought about renting out your home and downsizing to a much smaller flat for a few months?

Actually it doesnt mention how much Molly is asking for? Whether she is asking for help with the repayments at the moment, to keep the home, until she can find other ways to do things, i.e the insurance, or possibly to sell the home rather then it be repossessed.

there are a lot of assumptions becuase she has said that they Have thousands in the bank, that she wants a large amount.

We agree that they are in thier right to refuse help, but this is an emotional thing that Molly is also going through. To find out that the family is not willing to pull together to solve a problem that has arisen through no fault of her own.

Soubrette

LondonDiva wrote: »

Another one who doesn't see what your pils have done wrong.

You weren't asking for a couple of thousand as a loan or one off, you were asking for a whole lot more as a gift.

Have you thought about renting out your home and downsizing to a much smaller flat for a few months?

I can only speak for myself but for me it would be an extra kick from life while I was down.

Personally, I'd rather gnaw my own arm off than ask my parents for money but I know that that is the situation (the first thing my mum said to me when I announced my pregnancy was 'don't expect us to babysit'). My expectations of them are so low that I don't think they could ever disappoint me.

My partner's family is completely different, the only thing that would stop us asking for help until we could see no other option would be the fear that they would utterly disadvantage themselves to see us right.

Even though I don't think we would ever be in a position to need their help, the warmth that that knowledge gives is indescribable. I can't imagine the shock (and grief) my partner would feel if it ever turned out that actually money was much more important to them than keeping a roof over his head because he'd become too ill to do it himself.

I am a parent (although my partner is not) and I consider myself quite a hard mum. I would not bail out either of my daughters if they were frivolous with money as adults and expected me to subsidise their lifestyles, I would of course help them by going to CAB, listening and making suggesting on budgeting etc. However if either of them were made homeless then my home is their home until they are back on their feet. I don't expect to give them a free ride but I hope that both of them appreciate that if there are any problems then I'm always there for support and I will do my very best to help them.

Sou

Molly41

Thankyou for your comments. I am reading them and acknowledge that its a divisive issue. I think that I will request that this thread is now closed. I actually thought I could take the criticisms but as Mooloo pointed out my state of mind is very frail and some of the comments have really shaken me. I totally take on board what people are saying but there are a lot of assumptions and slurs also. Thankyou to those posters who have taken the time to post constructive suggestions and support. I really hope I can find a way forward.