A dilemma regarding money and grandparents

mountainofdebt

In fairness, I get the impression that the OP's parents are deceased.

Molly41

shellsuit wrote: »

Don't you get emotional and practical support from your parents??

I don't get why the PIL are being made out to be the baddies.

Are you hurt that they are supposed to have all this money but won't dole it out and don't seem interested or worried about you and your family? That's how you are coming across ~ I can sense a bit of the green eyed monster to be honest.

And again, where is their son in all of this???

I get no emotional or practical support from anyone really - except my kids dad who as I have stated before is my carer as well as looking after his children. Apart from him there is no one else - we were both only children and he has always had a very distant and formal relationship with his parents - hence why I approached them I suppose. I am hurt because they have no interest in the welfare of their son and grandchildren who have really struggled in the past two years. Im not jealous of their wealth - like i said in an earlier post we come in with nothing and go out with nothing. I dont begrudge them anything. I would just like a way out for my children that would not involve them losing their home. I do feel like I am repeating myself somewhat now and have said much of this in earlier posts. I take onboard all your comments and feel suitably chastened for appearing to be a money grabbing monster -which is so not the case

Savvy_sewing

I just found this thread by accident. hello molly. I hope that you dont mind me posting.

I know Molly. She is quite ill, and a very genuine person. Molly is not a money grabber in the least. She is the kindest person I know.
Molly is also quite a private person, and she really doesnt want to talk about her personal life. Which I understand.
Molly is scared of the future as she has just had the rug pulled from under her feet, and loosing her beloved job last week has been shattering to her already frail state of mind.

When you have an insurance policy you think that you have covered every eventuality. I became bankrupt all because of an insurance policy that didnt pay out, and I have lost everything. I too have four children, and trying to keep everything going, and a normal life for children studying etc etc is a tough thing to do. I know I have been there.

I know that Molly doesnt like the idea of having to live on benefits, and coming to terms with what she may have to do to keep the family's roof over their head is difficult for her.

Soubrette

I personally don't think you come across at all moneygrubbing Molly. Being a money grubber is a personality trait not a one off situation and a money grubber would have expected and been bailed out many times in the past because a money grubber would see their parents/pil money as their own money. No money grubber would have waited until they were desperate to ask for help.

I don't have a relationship with my own parents and so when I meet someone who has a close relationship or even one where you can mutually rely on and lean on each other when you need it, I know that is something to treasure.

When I meet people like that I always hope that they understand how blessed they are to have that kind of parent and that kind of relationship.

At the least you have lost your health, your job and the safeguards you put in place just in case have also failed, then in desperation when you turn to your family that too is taken away (I say taken away because I assume you honestly thought they would be there).

Please stay strong Molly and remember that everyone sees people's posts through their own experiences and biases, people who have seen or experienced other people being greedy with their parents will make assumptions (and put forward little scenarios making you the bad guy), you know what is truth and that is what counts.

Sou

thatgirlsam

i don't think you seem like a moneygrabber either molly..

more like someone who is desperatley in need of some help.. not for you but for your kids

you thought that maybe the kids grandparents would help them but they won't

i think you need to get your head round that, as hurtful as that maybe and accept it

i hope that you will be ok x

shellsuit

Molly41 wrote: »

I get no emotional or practical support from anyone really - except my kids dad who as I have stated before is my carer as well as looking after his children. Apart from him there is no one else - we were both only children and he has always had a very distant and formal relationship with his parents - hence why I approached them I suppose. I am hurt because they have no interest in the welfare of their son and grandchildren who have really struggled in the past two years. Im not jealous of their wealth - like i said in an earlier post we come in with nothing and go out with nothing. I dont begrudge them anything. I would just like a way out for my children that would not involve them losing their home. I do feel like I am repeating myself somewhat now and have said much of this in earlier posts. I take onboard all your comments and feel suitably chastened for appearing to be a money grabbing monster -which is so not the case

See, my OH's parents are like that.

If we needed bailing out for something, they wouldn't loan us a pot to p!ss in, let alone cash to help us.

We've bailed them out, we have helped them, we get nothing in return, they don't care about us, let along their 1 yr old Grandson (only grandchild), so we don't bother with them anymore.


I feel for you I really do, but I just don't understand, like some of the others, why you had to ask them and your OH couldn't. Maybe his parents said No because you asked them??

kerrymay

I don't think Molly comes across as money grabbing at all or jealous of her pil wealth. I think she comes across as a Mother who feels she has been backed into a corner and is trying to make sure her children don't suffer. I am sure molly has considered all options open to her and this was one of them. How was she to know whether they would help or not unless she asked? They might have been offended if she didn't ask - I know I would be upset if my son was ever in trouble and didn't turn to me. Maybe molly's partner should have done the asking - but this depends on family dynamics I suppose. I am close to my inlaws, I talk to them more than my husband does and they treat me like a daughter especially since I have given birth to their three grandchildren. They wouldn' mind if I asked them for help or if their son did - they see us as a unit.

I am sure there are other ways for molly to ort this out and I hope she does - I hope the insurance pays out and she can stop worrying especially as she is ill. I dn't think she should be chastised for being a mother that is looking out for her childen.

mountainofdebt

Molly

I've come across this.

I know its on hold and the moment and refers to a welsh housing association, but local housing associations to you may be running similar schemes which are still running.

It may not be the perfect solution but may be an answer of sorts

DaisyFlower

I can see why you asked but not why you are upset - from their point of view they are expected to part with several thousand pounds with absolutely no mention of repayment. An adult should also not get into debt and then expect a parent to bail them out, if you live beyond your means then its nobody elses fault.

If you are fighting to keep the house it must have equity in it, therefore it could be sold and you could rent instead. The equity may also help you clear your debts.

You've not mentioned why your insurer is refusing to pay out, are you confident that you are covered and that they have declined your claim in error?

Savvy_sewing

Defining what is "critical illness" etc is always a grey area in insurance and I think this is what has happened in Molly's case.
It is very difficult to consider giving up/loosing your family home, when the children are used to it, and a certain standard of living. Molly didnt have a crystal ball to tell her that she would become too ill to work< and therefore jeopardise thier home etc etc.
I have lost my home, and now rent, and I am practically a gypsy, moving every 6 or 8 months. I am now in my 39th "home". Its no fun. Its not stable for the children and everyone suffers. Molly is trying to keep the family home, deal with her health, and her children. She didnt get into debt from being frivolous or rash. But from being ILL.