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A dilemma regarding money and grandparents
Molly41
Posts: 4,919 Forumite
I hope this will provoke some comments. Im open minded and would like your opinions.
Due to illness Im no longer able to work. I hope this isn't permanent but have to face up to the reality that it probably is as i have just been retired on ill health grounds. I'm in receipt of relevant benefits and will have a very small occupational pension. I have four teenagers DS1 (19), DD (17), DS 2 (15), DS3 (13). I am fighting my insurance providers for my mortgage protection but it seems unlikely they will pay out (even though I have been retired on the grounds of permanent ill health):mad:
We will probably lose our home as we cant afford the mortgage, pay our debts and live. Ive held on but its coming to a point where its probably inevitable ( hoping that the insurance will pay out). This is causing enormous distress to all of my family and me !. They have had such a lot to cope with recently. The point is I asked for help from my kid's dad's parents - my children's grandparents. They only have us as their family and despite having many hundreds of thousands of pounds :eek: in the bank they have refused saying that its tied up and needed to fund their care if they become ill (they are in quite good health at the moment and aged 75 and 77). Im so upset and have cried a good deal regarding this. I understand that its their money to do exactly as they wish but just feel so hurt. As a family we haven't seen them for well over a year and they give us no support. The thing is I would lay down my life for my kids and if I was in a similar position would move heaven and earth to help any of my children and im not just talking financially. Now I cant bring myself to speak to them when they phone on a Sunday as I dont trust myself. What would you folks do in my situation?
Due to illness Im no longer able to work. I hope this isn't permanent but have to face up to the reality that it probably is as i have just been retired on ill health grounds. I'm in receipt of relevant benefits and will have a very small occupational pension. I have four teenagers DS1 (19), DD (17), DS 2 (15), DS3 (13). I am fighting my insurance providers for my mortgage protection but it seems unlikely they will pay out (even though I have been retired on the grounds of permanent ill health):mad:
We will probably lose our home as we cant afford the mortgage, pay our debts and live. Ive held on but its coming to a point where its probably inevitable ( hoping that the insurance will pay out). This is causing enormous distress to all of my family and me !. They have had such a lot to cope with recently. The point is I asked for help from my kid's dad's parents - my children's grandparents. They only have us as their family and despite having many hundreds of thousands of pounds :eek: in the bank they have refused saying that its tied up and needed to fund their care if they become ill (they are in quite good health at the moment and aged 75 and 77). Im so upset and have cried a good deal regarding this. I understand that its their money to do exactly as they wish but just feel so hurt. As a family we haven't seen them for well over a year and they give us no support. The thing is I would lay down my life for my kids and if I was in a similar position would move heaven and earth to help any of my children and im not just talking financially. Now I cant bring myself to speak to them when they phone on a Sunday as I dont trust myself. What would you folks do in my situation?
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over and through me. When it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
When the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over and through me. When it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
When the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
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Comments
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They are absolutely right to think about their own care should they become ill, especially at their age. its what they have worked hard for all their lives.
Why should they give you money0 -
To help protect/look after their grandkids?This is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com0
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If you were closer it might be a bit different, but you do say you haven't seen them for over a year. You may have valid reasons for that we don't know about, but on the face of it, if you don't see them for months on end then suddenly ask for money I can see why you got a no.
Sorry if that sounds unsympathetic, I can see you're in a really difficult place at the moment. If you don't want to talk to them, can't you just stick your partner on the phone - they're his parents after all. (Couldn't tell from your post how involved he is with you?)All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.
Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.0 -
xXMessedUpXx wrote: »To help protect/look after their grandkids?
Surely thats the job of the parents:)0 -
It has not been my decision not to see them for months. I am very unwell and can not travel where as they are in very good health and spend a lot of their time on holiday and travelling. They have a weekly telephone call and have been kept updated regarding all our news. I have tried very hard until recently to maintain contact.I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over and through me. When it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
When the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.0 -
Can I ask what the relationship is for you with the children's Dad? Are you his partner or are you separated or has something happened to him?
You don't have to explain though
I was just wondering if you had to deal with the grandparents direct or if he could be a buffer for a while.
Sou0 -
Its a shame they wont help as its their grandkids, but at the same time its their money, care homes (if they ever need it) are expensive.Debt £30,823.48/£44,856.56 ~ 06/02/21 - 31.28% Paid OffMortgage (01/04/09 - 01/07/39)
£79,515.99/£104,409.00 (as of 05/02/21) ~ 23.84% Paid Off
Lloyds (M) - £1196.93/£1296.93 ~ Next - £2653.79/£2700.46 ~ Mobile - £296.70/£323.78
HSBC (H) -£5079.08/£5281.12 ~ HSBC (M) - £4512.19/£4714.23
Barclays (H) - £4427.32/£4629.36 ~ Barclays (M) - £4013.78/£4215.82
Halifax (H) - £4930.04/£5132.12 ~ Halifax (M) - £3708.65/£3911.20
Asda Savings - £0
POAMAYC 2021 #87 £1290.07 ~ 2020/£3669.48 ~ 2019/£10,615.18 ~ 2018/£13,912.57 ~ 2017/£10,380.18 ~ 2016/£7454.80
~ Emergency Savings: £0
My Debt Free Diary (Link)0 -
It has not been my decision not to see them for months. I am very unwell and can not travel where as they are in very good health and spend a lot of their time on holiday and travelling. They have a weekly telephone call and have been kept updated regarding all our news. I have tried very hard until recently to maintain contact.
And at 77 and 75 they only have limited time left to make the most of their lives by going on holiday (and they are entitled to it), whereas you and your children have much longer:)0 -
iwannabeloved wrote: »Surely thats the job of the parents:)
Yes its absolutely my job and one that I have never shied away from. It took me a lot of soul searching and courage to ask. I pray to God every night that it will always be my job to look after my kids and that I can get my youngest son through to 18. It has shaken me up that actually I dont have the support and backup should I not be able to look after my kids.I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over and through me. When it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
When the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.0 -
Can I ask what the relationship is for you with the children's Dad? Are you his partner or are you separated or has something happened to him?
You don't have to explain though I was just wondering if you had to deal with the grandparents direct or if he could be a buffer for a while.
Sou
He can be a buffer but he is upset on my behalf and also has realised that he has no backup should anything bad happen!I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over and through me. When it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
When the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.0
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