So anyone else been in this situ ?

squidge60

minnie123 wrote: »

I still really think you would benefit from counselling together. It doesn't sound like it's over but more that there are issues that need discussing between you both. I know it's hard and it hurts but try and use this break from him to sort your own head out too as you sound very mixed up xxx

Thankyou i have been waiting for someone to put something i dont get why hes being so nasty about the baby he knew it would hurt major :(i cant speak to him now he couldnt have said anything nastier

minnie123

There must be unresolved issues I would leave it for tonight - personally I would write him a letter with all your feelings in it and then destroy it, it might help you to work out how your feeling too. If you can I would def try not to contact him for a few days you both need a bit of space to think about things.

squidge60

Well it got later and he rang and rang and rang so i answered in the end and he was over the carpark.He asked if could i go over he said he was sorry we went somewhere to talk both of us got upset and i hope we have both learnt from this (given all the yrs we have been together we should have known better).Soooooooo thanks once again everyone for posting in particular the person who pmed me and minnie 123 i am hopeing this is the last time i am going to post on this thread x:)

squidge60

I dont know how i feel now oh told me it was an ex from many yrs ago he went and saw and stayed the night.I dont have a problem with that but hes come back and it "feels not the same":(I asked would he have a relationship with her and he said maybe basically if we werent together.:( I dont why its not the answer i was looking for :(He keeps having digs at me said i have to not/do different things and last night we had words he said "i might as well not have come back if its all about sex":(He wouldnt have said that at one time :(So now i dont know if this is going to work i am starting to feel i love him but cannot live with him and i didnt expect that.:(I am afraid to say certain things in case he blows :(Feels like hes making me work hard and i dont know yesterday saying dumb things messing but to me everythings to raw to go there and make fun of certain things.:(So if someone could please maybe throw some light on why they think its like this.:(Sorry once again for ramble

Redman30

I have to say I agree with lindseykim13 on this one lass, you need to cut contact for a few days at least so you can both clear your heads a little. Being worried about what to say in front of huim in case he goes off on one isn't a good position to be in and neither is him yo-yo'ing between you and an ancient ex.

Decide what YOU want, then find out what he wants, if there's some common ground then great, but make sure you get what you need out of this lass.

squidge60

Redman30 wrote: »

I have to say I agree with lindseykim13 on this one lass, you need to cut contact for a few days at least so you can both clear your heads a little. Being worried about what to say in front of huim in case he goes off on one isn't a good position to be in and neither is him yo-yo'ing between you and an ancient ex.

Decide what YOU want, then find out what he wants, if there's some common ground then great, but make sure you get what you need out of this lass.

Thankyou for such a nice post you have upset me.:(

clearingout

the to-ing and fro-ing and being downright nasty is very 'normal' when a relationship breaks down. He is trying to blame you for his actions - and I'm sorry to say it but the odds on him having had an affair/being in the middle of a relationship with someone else are very high.

Your best course of action for yourself now is to:
a) curtail contact. Deal with him only as it pertains to your daughter and not at all. You need to get your head round what YOU want and stop letting him play you like this. Agree to talk to him ONLY with a third party present so he's not able to bully or manipulate or say outrageous things that in your fragile mental state, you will believe. Book an appointment at Relate or with another counsellor.
b) think of yourself. Whether you like it or not, your marriage is breaking down. What do you want for your future?
c) play 'bluff, bluff, double bluff'. Dress up, get your make up on, face the world. When he sees you he needs to see the woman he married, not the woman he's finding excuses to leave. If you're a mess, he has that excuse. If you look good, you'll feel...well, maybe not good, but better. And that's important.

Finally, you're not the only person to have gone through this and there is support out there if you want it. You're not on your own. Remember that. xxxx

Redman30

A very good post Clearingout - great advice on getting dressed up and looking the part

squidge60

Last night i was in abit of a mood (some things could be timed better).But hes come home not spoken said "i dont know if i can live like this and i said i feel the same" so he flew into a rage:(Now we have shouted again and hes moved out :(He keeps on and on and on about my moods and cant see all day i worried he would go off on one and he has Said he came back to give it another go but cant live like it he hasnt i cant help it i am niggly at the mo makes me feel like i am like it 24/7:( Just cannot talk but i really do not know why :(Its like if i am going to be in a good mood alls well but if not hes going to blow :(I dont know how to make it right he says he thinks we have talked but i feel we havent its not enough hes angry blameing my moods but hasnt mentioned this when we talked.:(Its crazy he seems to be living on the edge ? ALL the time

minnie123

Whats going on with him - it sounds to me like he wants al the control. It's ok for him to say he doesn't want you and he wants to move out but if you agree or say similar he goes off on one. I think you need to be really really strong now you need to not let him treat you like this and you need to show him you are just there when he decides he wants you. I think you need to cut contact for a few days and let him stew.