So anyone else been in this situ ?

squidge60

minnie123 wrote: »

Have you thought about trying counselling together? Sounds like you need help to talk your problems through.

Tbh it did cross my mind but hes always shouting and short on patience for me i am sick of it .He never used to be like this but now it feels like he speaks to me like xhit not for the first time.:(Definetly done me a favour because now i really do feel why do i want him back and i was questioning anyway in some ways we are so opposite.His untidiness drives me insane for starters :mad: I hate the way hes always the easy going guy until we argue why the hell cant he tell me really winds me up .If i have an issue its said .I donno makes me feel bad always blameing me then next minute saying its all his fault having a dig i feel like i cant talk to him.Moaning about lack of affection doesnt tell me otherwise says he does in his mind i am i think a VERY unreasonable person :(Bit sad after this many years cant talk to each other but i resent his attitude towards me lately feels like he has no respect for me .:(

minnie123

Thats why I think counselling may be a good idea as it will help you to be able to talk to each other instead of just shouting and not listening. It's a shame to throw all those years away without at least trying. You sound a lot stronger today so thats good x

POSSETTE

I feel for you squdge...but i am on the opposite side of this situation. I have just left a lovely man of 20 yrs because i have changed.
Yes i met someone else and was seeing him for last year,we are trying to be togther now but things are all up in air.Its the classic he is married and reluctant to leave wife,even though i have jumped ship.
if its any help,i can tell you where he is coming from..you do feel like you have changed,i have now started to hate a few things about him,cant stand football anymore and he lovesit,i would love to go to opera and ballet but he wont even to the sex side of things,he wants it ..i dont..it feels like you are growing apart.I stayed because it made him,my mum my dad and his daughters happy,i like people to be happy so i stayed.Inside it was killing me.
We have the occaisional talk but i dont speak if i can help it,i am scared to say anything in case it comes out wrong and gives him hope.So i stick to,"here is your post" and "the dogs are ok" etc..it might sound cold but thats the only thing i can say.
i miss him,and he loves me to death,and the odd thing is,i can still see us being 70 and doddery together even though we apart now.
It hurts on the other side too, im sure he has shed a tear too,i hurt like hell when i think about hurting him.
Where are you in country? Perhaps someone local to you can give you a hug and night out!!

squidge60

minnie123 wrote: »

Thats why I think counselling may be a good idea as it will help you to be able to talk to each other instead of just shouting and not listening. It's a shame to throw all those years away without at least trying. You sound a lot stronger today so thats good x

Thankyou funny you should say about throwing away all those years i have said the same on here.:)You are right i am feeling stronger but him shouting at me for no good reason has made me angry.in the past i have said about a job and hes said "i rather you didnt" and moaning about this that and the other i feel i am not a mind reader why choose this time to say things :(Tbh i dont understand why hes needs time surely he loves me and thats it or am i being wrong i feel i cant wait my head cant cope with it but he says "its always got to be on my terms" doesnt seem to understand what if he says no i feel i will be back in that hole again:(

boyang

Hey Smudge

Hope you are feeling a bit better today. I just wanted to add that counselling on your own is probably a good option too. It will help you be clearer about what you want and myabe be able to express some of that hurt and anger in a way that feels productive and enables you to move forward.

I know someone who's husband left her 2 years ago. She is exceptionally angry and bitter and it makes me sad that she is allowing this to be THE defining event of her whole life - bigger than marrying him in the first place, bigger than her children, her career choices, bigger than everything. And she is choosing to do this. Please don't be like her. It's just a waste of a life otherwise.

squidge60

Thanks ever so much everybody for the advice and support.:D Oh rang late last night said sorry for shouting and could he come around.From there it just came together sooooooooooooo i am just so happy my world is now colour again Something i have learnt from this is i HAVE to rein myself in i dont know why but know i kept pushing him:( So from this i am hopeing i have learnt more about myself (i know i am not the easiest person to live with my childhood has put paid to that):( Trouble is i keep cuddling/kissing him cant leave him alone :eek:hes going to get sick of it overload :rotfl:So once again thankyou :Tthe support and time people take out for people on here is amazing.It certainly made me feel better and not quite so alone

squidge60

Well hes gone this morning :(says he loves me but cant live with me :(iso wish he hadnt come back dont get why he came back.:(he said it was to give it another go but he didnt :(he was so cold and when i realised he said sorry.but why oh why did he come back i said you havent tried and he says he has .tuesday night now sat and hes moved out again:( hated it because i was shouting saying who wants to live with that :(i am hurt /angry devestated turn the knife once again :(he kept having a go saying he cant talk to me says he cant live with me and when i say so you are moving out he says yeh i guess thats what it means i hadnt thought that far ??? i just dont get it.hurting sooooooooo much again i wish he had never ever come back because it was an utter waste of time.:(i feel so alone my dd is going out my dd(adult) is across the road with his new gf feels like noone gives a about me:(i dont think i have ever felt so bad :(oh cant seem to see it from my point of view just keeps saying it has to be my way or no way:(he says when i told him to move out he thought i didnt want him and when he was gone something changed:(but he didnt bother either so my original idea he wanted to go feels like that again:(when he said i wanted to give it another go i guess that was telling in itself.sorry for ramble:(

squidge60

just rung up to ask which car i want like i care :(our middle baby died yrs ago and now hes saying about going to talk about it to someone and to tell our dd i dont want to now :(whats the point when i said we are not a couple anymore he said i didnt give a xuck about it :(how he say that i carried that baby gave birth to that baby :(:(:(why is he ringing to just be nasty i dont get it if somethings in your past and you are not together whats the point :(couldnt have siad anything worse why now :(:(

lindseykim13

I've just read this whole thread and if it was me at this point now i would cut off all contact for a few days because he's just playing with your head now. I know you've got your DD but if you send him a text telling him you need some peace from him for a few days that will give you some time to concentrate on yourself.
I'd go out with your DD somewhere nice and as hard as i know it must be take your mind off it.

You can't make his mind up about what he wants to do but you can certainly stop him from messing with you like this. The ball is in his court and you need to leave it this way don't keep chasing after him. If he wants you he will come back in his own time don't give him the satisfaction of playing games with you. Good luck and lots of hugs!

minnie123

I still really think you would benefit from counselling together. It doesn't sound like it's over but more that there are issues that need discussing between you both. I know it's hard and it hurts but try and use this break from him to sort your own head out too as you sound very mixed up xxx