So anyone else been in this situ ?

squidge60

My oh has decided after 20+ yrs out of the blue he does not love me.:(There was me thinking all was fine great eh .I dont know how to cope the anger and hurt is overwhelming :(So if anyone has any tips please for someone who naively thought she had the best dad/oh and was going into old age with them on how to get over it.I have no family no friends we moved here not long ago and i have kept myself to myself as had done the friend thing many times.Now i feel so lonely lost never thought something could hurt so much.:(

Quackers

Oh Squidge

All I can do is briefly tell you my story.

I was with my husband for 18years when something similar happened.

That was 2 and a half years ago now.

I thought my world had ended. it's an old cliche I know but time is a great healer. I hated it when people told me that at the time

so, 2.5yrs on...I have my own house...a new partner...a different position at work...I have new hobbies...I have a DIFFERENT life.

I loved the one I had...or so I thought...this new one is muchly better

It's changed so much. For the better...because I chose to move forward...onwards and upwards... once I'd 'grieved' for the life I thought was there for good I was able to move on and make new decisions/choices on what I wanted to do..where I wanted to go.

If this has just happened to you then it's going to take a while...yo do really need to grieve for the loss you have had. and it is a loss...because you thought he was there for the rest of your life and he's not now

Sorry - I'm waffling - I'm ever so good at that

Big squishy hugs to you...

My biggest piece of advice would be to keep posting on here...this place is full of inspirational people who will help you get through this..there is always someone here night or day with a hug or a piece of good advice...it helped me tremendously when I needed it

xxxx

Trazy

So sorry to hear this Squidge.
Take each day as it comes and before you know it you will gradually start to rebuild your life
Quackers is a great example of how things can work out
Take care
Trace x

squidge60

He was such a good person i dont think anyone else would be any better why oh why didnt i see this.He was always saying how much he loved me blah blah and even when he told me he was sorry i said theres nothing else to say he said "see even now cant talk to you defensive" but what else is there to say.?:( its like he wanted to do small talk i cant do that my world has been smashed to pieces.:(

RAS

squidge60 wrote: »

even when he told me he was sorry i said theres nothing else to say he said "see even now cant talk to you defensive" but what else is there to say.?:( its like he wanted to do small talk i cant do that my world has been smashed to pieces.:(

If you struggle to speak to him, can you leave him a note explaining that your world has been smashed to pieces and right now it is very very hard for you to talk.

Add that you dont know how to cope the anger and hurt is overwhelming and that you never thought something could hurt so much.

Because you are alone, there is no one to whom you can express your hurt.


I am guessign tyhat the only thing in your mind is the hurt and anger and you do not want to express this to him?

iwannabeloved

I don't mean to be harsh but it sounds like he could have someone else.

squidge60

iwannabeloved wrote: »

I don't mean to be harsh but it sounds like he could have someone else.

i know what you mean but i dont think so he was aways home and i asked him he had no reason to lie.

squidge60

RAS wrote: »

If you struggle to speak to him, can you leave him a note explaining that your world has been smashed to pieces and right now it is very very hard for you to talk.

Add that you dont know how to cope the anger and hurt is overwhelming and that you never thought something could hurt so much.

Because you are alone, there is no one to whom you can express your hurt.


I am guessign tyhat the only thing in your mind is the hurt and anger and you do not want to express this to him?

I sent him a txt telling him how much i love him and when he came back to drop off the works van i had to almost fight to get him in the house to talk to him then he had part of his back to me.he seemed very positive and to the point i dont see any advantage telling him thats how i feel as i do not want to make him feel bad if he dosent love me.i have never seen him so devoid of emotion even when he said sorry he didnt really seem to be :(but thankyou for your words

BitterAndTwisted

Dearest Squidge, the point about telling him how much you are hurting, that your whole world has appeared to have collapsed around you is not just for him to hear these things, it's that you NEED to express them. Because it's true.

Plus, as he's mortally wounded to you in the most excruciating way possible I don't necessarily think he should be spared seeing the devastation his decision has caused you.

RAS

And it is only once you tell him this that you will be able to start talking to him about other stuff.

squidge60

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Dearest Squidge, the point about telling him how much you are hurting, that your whole world has appeared to have collapsed around you is not just for him to hear these things, it's that you NEED to express them. Because it's true.

Plus, as he's mortally wounded to you in the most excruciating way possible I don't necessarily think he should be spared seeing the devastation his decision has caused you.

Thankyou for your kind words you have just set me of again