operation recovery

elantan

hey patchwork thanks for the words

tbh i could sit here and easily say i am fat because i was abused as a child ... it is very easy to do ... but if i did i think i would be lying ... dont get me wrong i do think it has something to do with it all but it isnt the be all and end all ...

i have worked shifts for the last 13/14 years ... for the last 5.5 constant night shift ... and i dont do night shift well ... so in order to stay awake i resorted to caffeine and sugar ... it worked ... but i would go eating really well for so long then night shift would come around and i struggled to stay awake so caffeine and sugar it was ...

then there is the fact that whilst i was working i was studying ... i would leave one job go to job no2 (or as i used to call them leave job no2 go to job no1) then go to uni stay awake till three then sleep from three till 4.30 then it was back to job no2 then onto job no1 ... i have put so much stress onto my body i am surprised i am as healthy as i am (and beleive me thats not very)

then on top of studying and having two jobs i also never got time to me ... i was the problem solver for everyone ... i had rescuer issues ... anyone shouted for help el ran to help and as always put herself last ...

then because i was so tired looking after everyone else i never looked after me ... and because i was running form here to there i never ate properly so often i would be running out the door and eating what was lying about (usually junk)

and much as i l oved excercising ... rock climbing badminton etc ... i had no time or energy to do those things ... then i had the car accidents which put paid to all of that

i am not that person anymore ... i am much different now ... and i am slowly learning to put me first ... yes i still lapse ... but i am getting there ... i want to make these changes for good though ...

first thing to go was job no2 ... then no overtime for job no1 (yep i did it all ... worked 60 plus hours per week and studied full time and helped everyone ... crazy crazy stuff)

then uni .. i left uni one of the best decisions i will ever make in my life

slowly i am doing what i want ... but i have to say the burglary and dealing with all that crud saw me caught up in the vicious cycle again ... and i hate it ... i love to spend time in my garden i love to go for a walk i love to go to the nature park that is what i love ... not dealing with all the crud that i have to

elantan

Karmacat wrote: »

That sounds really interesting, and very positive - part of you, and there's a feedback loop between being healthy and your body responding healthily ..... I'll be really interested to know how you get on.
xxx

yes i think it will kc ... it is a long slow process and one i fully intend on taking my time with so i can get it right ... one of the good things about me is i am honest with myself ... i was very nearly destroyed with all the crap from childhood and i had that day ( the one i told you about) that saw an end to all of that ... and i literally had to tear myself apart and look at every single bit (not always a pleasure to do i can tell you) but i learned amongst other things that honesty is what i need ... and much as sometimes it hurts me to be honest with myself ... i dont always like what i find ... i face it deal with it and learn form it

i do find though sometimes it can make other people uncomfortable ... strange that ...

elantan

ohh i scored 6 on that test ... interesting stuff

elantan

oh and on a lighter note i have been discharged from the hospital for my frozen shoulder ... the consultant is happy with my progress and says he can see that i am doing all my excercises and working hard at sorting it out ... so yay .. go me

se999

Just wondered if you'd heard of the DASH diet Elantan. It's not a weight loss one as such, it's more nutritionally balanced looking for the best sources of nutrition, and lower than normal sodium & salt. If you google it there's tons of links. I think what I'm eating at the moment is pretty close to it, although I'm a lower carb version. It's not high on meat protein etc., so tweaking it to a veggie version wouldn't be too difficult I think.

elantan

Thanks see will have a look at it .... This is the thing I don't want to go on a diet I want to be nutritionally balanced ... I want to be in homeostasis so that I Can be at my best health ... As long as I am healthy I am not too cncerned about size ... But I am very aware they go hand in hand

taxi73

you have had a lot to deal with and am really pleased you're starting to unravel it all.
my sexual abuse issues/weight etc are so similar to yours and have been thinking a lot along those lines myself...i also put everyone else first but no longer.

elantan

Taxi you are going through one of the most important times in your life ever right now ... It's funny how we tend to learn alot of lifes lessons through adversity isn't it ? When I read your diary now it's almost like Reading a different persons story .... I always knew you were strong and wonderful but I have to admit I enjoy Reading your journey much more now ( don't mean to sound offensive in saying that ) it's like your taking the bull b the horns and dealing with the whole of life ... You always have but just now you seem to have this amazing spark to you that I am loving to read about ....

taxi73

thanks el but am just getting on with what needs doing(if I can)...very frustrating when I can't as feellazy.

Karmacat

Wow. Amazing coming back on after this morning - I'm so impressed with what you're doing, El, I don't think you give yourself quite enough credit for it.

Yay you indeed!