**** I'm pregnant

tru

Plans_all_plans, you're right, sorry

wannaberich1, the important thing at the moment is you and an appointment with the GP to find out how far along you are. Once you know that, you can start making decisions.

I know finances aren't the issue at the moment, but if you are worried, post a SOA on the Debt-Free Wannabe board, they'll help you out and point you in the direction of calculators and how to reduce your payments if you think you'll end up struggling.

ETA -

:doh:
Just realised you know about the DFW board.

Maybe you could add more info to your thread, if you decide you need to

marywooyeah

OP you sound like you dont want to do it but your OH is pressuring you to do so. my ex bullied me into a termination 4 years ago and I think about it every day and get upset frequently over it. It completely destroyed my life, the guilt is unbearable to live with for me and I regret it completely, I didnt want to do it either.

everyone says "if a man forces you to do that they are not worth having" and it's true. my ex dumped me 2 days after, and when i said to him "you said if i went through with it everything would be ok" he actually laughed in my face and said "yeah well if i hadnt of said that you would have kept it"
there is so much financial help out there that i was completely unaware of. there is a surestart grant to fund baby things such as a pram, tax credits and help with childcare for when you go back to work, child benefit, health in pregnancy grant etc.
i honestly don't know if your OH will come round, but the guilt and resentment afterwards can destroy people and relationships.
my advice to you would be if you dont want to do it, don't. thousands of women have unplanned babies and manage, you can too
feel free to pm me if you would like to x

oliviasmummy

OP- just wanted to add that only you can make this decision and I do believe its very unsupportive of your OH to say get rid. Only you know whether you could temrinate the pregnancy. My personal opinion is that I know I couldnt but thats me. Did want to say same as previous poster though that a friend of mine was in the same situation found out she was pregnant during a time when we had lost contact her OH said get rid of it time isnt right etc we will have one when we are sorted etc. She told her mum who said dont tell dad(she was 22 at the time) took her for a termination and my friends OH dumped her days later, saying same as previous poster's ex. My friend regrets the termination and has to live with that for the rest of her life also knowing that she has now affected her chances of ever having her own children as she has met a wonderful man got married to find that they cant have children without help and because her hubby already has a child from a previous relationship they dont get a free go. Cant remember what treatment they need but its very expensive but not IVF. So that one decision has affected her not only emotionally but physically.

Like others have said take time out and decide what you want, discuss again with OH and try to figure out what his concerns are and reasons for not wanting a baby. However difficult it can be done.

Just to add Im currently 4months pregnant with my second 1st is 2 and we are going through bankruptsy at the moment. daunting and scary time but we will come out the other end stronger and still have our beautiful family with or without money.

gonzo127

i have to say i am shocked at how many assumptions have been made in this thread from all angles with things such as finance being tight when they could be on a good wage now (debt can be built up while on a low wage and then get a better wage so it isnt a problem)

or what contriception they have used as the womenmust be on the pill and the guy must not have warn a condom. when it could just as easily be that the OP does not take the pill and that he has and does wear condoms.

nothing in the op's post stated any of this information so why have so many of you automatically assumed what thier situation is in these regards?

and to all the people who have said get rid of him hes not worth it or equivelant comments - really am i the only person who thinks that the OP should at least ask her OH why he wants to get rid? and then try and make a 'informed' choice

MarieAAP

Umm, this is Wannaberich's thread, but she has not added another comment since the first post, shall we wait for more info?

galvanizersbaby

MarieAAP wrote: »

Umm, this is Wannaberich's thread, but she has not added another comment since the first post, shall we wait for more info?

:rotfl:No let's just create lots of different scenarios and assumptions so we can all squabble about them
That's far too sensible a suggestion MarieAAP

pelirocco

ceridwen wrote: »

The back-up plan in case of contraceptive failure is abortion though - and the man isnt able to implement that on his own.

I was always well aware that - IF the contraception had ever failed for me - then I would have gone straight to the back-up plan as soon as I was ware. It was never necessary in the event.

However - abortion isnt the ONLY back-up plan. If a woman really really doesnt want an abortion/doesnt believe in them - then there is that option that never ever seems to be even considered these days - ie adoption.

No - I'm not saying its easy. No option is ever easy - but sometimes one just has to choose the "least worst option".

But - we still come back to that £28,000 odd of debt......and the fact that children DO cost money....a LOT of money - even if one doesnt think all the way through to "How much does it cost to go to University these days?" down the line. One only has to think a few years down the line to childcare costs....

Anyway - the day that women dont instantly come piling in to go "Keep it - regardless of the man...and regardless of finances....regardless of everything" is the day that the other viewpoint won't have to be put in fairness to balance out opinions...

You see there's your problem , 'it' isn't an 'IT' to many people . You harp on alot about what is good for the planet , and workers /peoples rights , but at the end of the day you are pretty clueless on most things you post

pollyanna24

marywooyeah wrote: »

OP you sound like you dont want to do it but your OH is pressuring you to do so. my ex bullied me into a termination 4 years ago and I think about it every day and get upset frequently over it. It completely destroyed my life, the guilt is unbearable to live with for me and I regret it completely, I didnt want to do it either.

everyone says "if a man forces you to do that they are not worth having" and it's true. my ex dumped me 2 days after, and when i said to him "you said if i went through with it everything would be ok" he actually laughed in my face and said "yeah well if i hadnt of said that you would have kept it"
there is so much financial help out there that i was completely unaware of. there is a surestart grant to fund baby things such as a pram, tax credits and help with childcare for when you go back to work, child benefit, health in pregnancy grant etc.
i honestly don't know if your OH will come round, but the guilt and resentment afterwards can destroy people and relationships.
my advice to you would be if you dont want to do it, don't. thousands of women have unplanned babies and manage, you can too
feel free to pm me if you would like to x

This is so sad. And also one of my fears. Oh said a similar thing to me, and that if I had it, there was no chance of repairing our relationship.

Person_one

OP, you have to make this decision completely for yourself, as though your OH wasn't in your life. To be honest, it seems like he might not be for much longer whatever you decide due to the way he has responded. You can't depend on anything from him so put yourself first.

wannaberich1

Hi Everyone,

Sorry I couldn't get on here when I was at home so had to wait until today..

I'll try and address some of the things that have been raised..

We had agreed to have a baby next year anyway, however after a stomach bug the pill failed and that is how I now find myself in this position ( I know we should have been extra careful but I stupidly thought this wouldn't happen)

My OH and I are married (have been for 2 years and have been together 9) I'm 27 and he's 33 so we're not exactly kids..

As we had discussed this anyway I thought he would be ok, obviously I knew he'd be shocked as I was and I did try and look at his point of view as well.. yes we owe a lot of money but as we are both earning well and with maternity pay etc we will be able to just about cope with the maternity pay and if need be I will go back to work sooner than I had originally planned..

I know that if I was to pander to him and not keep my baby I would never forgive him or myself and I would feel like I had been bullied in to a situation I had no control over... so I have told him I am keeping it.. what happens next remains to be seen, I am really hoping he'll come around and it will all work out and this reaction is just a huge shock..

Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice, it has been really helpful and has made me realise that I am doing the right thing for me and my baby.

xxx