Dealing with a "difficult" child

babyharry5

mrsS wrote: »

my Ds (now 10) was VERY determined at 4 years old. The nursery said thay had never come across such a determined child and how did I cope at home? Very helpful!

anyway, I found that although I was being very strict at home and expecting him to comply with instructions on the second request, that I was not getting the support from school so he was getting mixed messages. I dont know if this is the same situation you are in? The school would ask him nicely to stop playing and do a painting for instance, or a piece of work and he would just say "no, too busy. I am playing power rangers". Unfortunately the school did not feel they could force him to do what they wanted and just let him get on with it. He therefore thought quite rightly that telling one adult "no" and getting away with it meant that was how life was, consequently he was more difficult at home than he needed to be (IMO)

I tried sticker charts, pocket money, taking away toys and treats. Nothing worked

eventually found out that he is an incredibly competitive child- so saying "lets race to see who can put the most toys away", or "lets see if you can do X quicker than yesterday" really helped. The school took this on board- if they wanted him to say pick the letters of his name out of a box like all the other children, he just wouldnt do it. Instead they laminated lots of letters and hid them in the playground and made them find them as quick as possible- worked a treat!

By the age of 7, I found that junior school and male teachers and lots of sport meant that HE wanrted to do well and the teachers just wouldnt take any rubbish from him. The consequences of bad behavioour at school meant that he didnt get in the team, and we havent looked back since

Good luck

OMG - are you sure you haven't got my son!!

sounds exactly the same.

My son was always difficult from the ages of 2-6yrs - we tried everything as well, reward charts, pocket money, taking toys/privileges off him, going to bed early, naughty step, omega 3 fish oils blah blah blah and was always at my wits end - constantly crying as I though I had the naughtiest boy inthe world. Other mothers would look at me in pity in the playground, as their stepford children stood beside them.

When he started school , his behaviour improved slightly, due to the increased stimulation. He is as stubborn as me ( & his father) & also extremely competitive.

He went to a small village school, with female teachers and non competitive sports, and after the initial improvement, it all started going belly up again. The classes are 2 years in one, and so the broad spectrum of ability was an issue. The school said they only had the budget to ensure that all pupils reached an average level. Unfortunately my son was very intelligent ( teachers words not mine) and he was being held back. Lack of stimulation & boredom caused further issues for my son.

We finally moved him last sept ( age 7) to a new school with male teachers, competitive sports and a gifted programme - he is now a completely different boy.
He is such a delight - a highly intelligent polite boy - we get so many compliments from people saying how well behaved and well mannered he is.
I cannot believe he is the same little boy that I used to despair of a few years ago.

I do believe that little boys are harder work than girls ( initially , anyway!
Boys are more competitive ( generally) and this causes more problems with discipline at a younger age.
Trust me when I say it does get better, I have many friends with little boys who also have had obedience issues, which seem a nightmare at the time but have all improved.