Girlfriend moving in - sharing costs

blabberwort

Person_one wrote: »

ARGHH! I can't believe how often this comes up on this board.

Living together for the first time is a stage of a relationship. You can't know with 100% certainty that living together will work for you, its a huge step and a big adjustment.

When couples can divorce acrimoniously after 30 years together and end up at each other's throats, you will never convince me that its sensible to go blindly rushing in relying on the hope that everything will be fine because of the lovey dovey smushiness.

I agree it's a stage but if your unsure about what it will be like living together then why not rent somewhere together for 6 months before buying. It's not like he already has the house, I would be more understanding if that was the case.

kr15snw

I wouldn't put her on the mortgage.

I'm not on my fiances mortgage and won't be after we get married. This is his house. He bought it and I live here with him (I pay a small share of the bills as my wage is dramatically less than his). We have agreed when we buy our next home (hoping to expand in the next few years) I will use my savings towards it (I have 10k put away from an inheritance) and we will buy the house together (even if he's putting in about 140k and Im putting in 10).

My brother put his student girlfriend on his mortgage when they bought a house. Similar situation, he was ready to move out and wanted her to live with him. But she couldn't afford anything as didn't have a job due to demanding degree. But he put her on the mortgage and then paid every bill for years. He then also paid her an 'allowance' so she could afford to live (for bus's, things for uni etc).

Then she cheated on him and left and demanded 50% of the cash value of the house. My brother couldnt sell up as he had no where else to go, so he had to find £25k to pay her off. The fact that she had never given him a PENNY meant nothing as her name was on the mortgage. His only saving grace was an ingeritance (I mentioned earlier) which paid her off.

If I was you I wouldn't put her on it yet. And I wouldnt ask for 'rent' but def a share of the bills. When I was a student and not earning much I used to pay for the weekly shop (about £30 - £40 a week) and paid for fun things (like trips away, meals out etc).

NoAngel

kr15snw wrote: »

I wouldn't put her on the mortgage.

I'm not on my fiances mortgage and won't be after we get married. This is his house. He bought it and I live here with him (I pay a small share of the bills as my wage is dramatically less than his). We have agreed when we buy our next home (hoping to expand in the next few years) I will use my savings towards it (I have 10k put away from an inheritance) and we will buy the house together (even if he's putting in about 140k and Im putting in 10).

My brother put his student girlfriend on his mortgage when they bought a house. Similar situation, he was ready to move out and wanted her to live with him. But she couldn't afford anything as didn't have a job due to demanding degree. But he put her on the mortgage and then paid every bill for years. He then also paid her an 'allowance' so she could afford to live (for bus's, things for uni etc).

Then she cheated on him and left and demanded 50% of the cash value of the house. My brother couldnt sell up as he had no where else to go, so he had to find £25k to pay her off. The fact that she had never given him a PENNY meant nothing as her name was on the mortgage. His only saving grace was an ingeritance (I mentioned earlier) which paid her off.

If I was you I wouldn't put her on it yet. And I wouldnt ask for 'rent' but def a share of the bills. When I was a student and not earning much I used to pay for the weekly shop (about £30 - £40 a week) and paid for fun things (like trips away, meals out etc).

Gosh, that' so awful for your brother! Some people are just so selfish. Let's hope things go well for OP, you never can tell though. Just do whatever feels right, you have every right to have some worries- it's best to be realistic!

Person_one

blabberwort wrote: »

I agree it's a stage but if your unsure about what it will be like living together then why not rent somewhere together for 6 months before buying. It's not like he already has the house, I would be more understanding if that was the case.

I think if you're in a good position to buy, buy. Interest rates are really low right now and OP could get a decent fixed rate for up to ten years with some lenders. With the tories in government nobody really knows whats going to happen, if he waits a year or two he could potentially be looking at a 9% fix instead of a 4%!

I'm a little bit biased though, because the house I bought with my ex made us a substantial profit in the 6 months we lived together in it which has certainly softened the blow of the break up! Also, the mortgage we were paying was less than half what it would have cost to rent the same place so financially it was a no-brainer. Whether this applies to the OP depends on his circumstances and the cost of renting in his area.

Steel_2

She would be paying bills and rent if she lived separately from you OP. I would not put her on the mortgage just yet.

I would set up a separate savings account that's tough to dip into and the rent that she would have been paying for a room in a house goes into that account every month.

If you two are still together at the end of her studies and she gets a job, release the money from the savings account and use it to either a) buy a new house together where you are both on the mortgage or b) do a refurb project on the existing house and then put her name on the deeds so she feels she has substantially contributed to the existing house.

By the way, don't forget things happen and somewhere over the next few years you could be made redundant and have to live on her student income and benefits for a while.

It's swings and roundabouts.

Person_one

Steel wrote: »

She would be paying bills and rent if she lived separately from you OP. I would not put her on the mortgage just yet.

And if she was born in Germany, she'd be German. I don't see what the hypotheticals of what 'would' be happening if things were different really matter. Surely one of the lovely things about being in a position to buy a home and have your girlfriend live in it is that you are able to ease her financial burden a little. If you love someone you see that as a good thing. Especially if she's studying and racking up debt just to survive.

Yes, if she chose to use that money drinking and buying shoes then I see how you might start to resent that but if she's going to use her better position wisely and contributes to food/bills etc then you're no worse off and she's in a better position whether you stay together or not.

If I was your girlfriend OP, I probably wouldn't mind too much if you asked me to pay a bit of rent, but if you said "I know you're not earning much, so I don't want to take any money off you and hopefully this will lower the amount of debt you leave uni with" I would be over the moon and telling all my friends and family what a wonderful generous and loving man you are.

Steel_2

Person_one wrote: »

And if she was born in Germany, she'd be German.

Hardly the same.

The Op made it clear in his original post the possibility of them splitting up in the future is bothering him. The OPs financial future is at stake and quite rightly he is concerned about moving in with someone who, while skint and a lovely person now, may not be such a lovely person in the future if they ever split up and she demands half of the property without having contributed anything to the mortgage or maintenance costs of the property.

If they did not live together, she would have to find the money to pay her bills so there's no reason why that money could not be 'earmarked' every month after moving in for the good of both of them in the future. I'm not saying it has to be 50/50, but she should be contributing to the household economy and perhaps the best way is building a chunk of savings they can both use in the future.

I was a student for six years and I did not expect to be let off paying anything simply because I was skint and my BF had a job. I went out and got a ruddy job in addition to my studies and paid my share. That way when we did split up at the beginning of my third year, I walked out of there with my head up and money in my back pocket. I was only 19 when I went to uni and I knew that even though I loved him, chances are unfortunately the worst was likely to happen because I was young and we could split up.

Love is wonderful when it works, but when it doesn't it's horrendous and problems like scrapping over house ownership rub salt into the wound.

samandona

Person_one wrote: »

Surely one of the lovely things about being in a position to buy a home and have your girlfriend live in it is that you are able to ease her financial burden a little. If you love someone you see that as a good thing. Especially if she's studying and racking up debt just to survive.

Come back to the real world!

If she is not contributing equally to the house, DONT PUT HER ON THE MORTGAGE. Unless you want to risk losing half of everything you have put in. She's a student, so what? Students get funding. If she lives in Uni or private accomodation she'd be paying ALOT more than you're likely to be charging her. So yes, charge her rent. I think someone else suggested £200 a month. £50 a week is very cheap for what is presumably a nice house with someone she wants to be with. Bills and food etc should be split equally too unless you are happy to have her sponging off you.

If she can't afford to pay anything towards the upkeep of a house, then she shouldnt be living there. We can't all have what we want...

Edit: Just read Steel's post. WELL SAID and in total agreement.

retrocircles

I'm shocked!

My husband & I bought a house together when I was a student, me having no money other than my student loan. I couldn't contribute to the mortgage, but as we were in love & it was a long-term agreement between the two of us that we would get married (& did a year later) that the fact I didn't earn anything didn't matter!!! So I'm on the mortgage. I have now since graduated & earn more money than my husband! Our agreement was that me being a student wasn't my choice. It was something I had to do to pursue a career & I would no doubt contribute to our family home more than enough in the future.

But then we're a couple who don't have our 'own' money. Our money is 'our' money. Spending it on 'us' in 'our home'.

HOWEVER...

I think if you're thinking like this, there is a large chance you may not be together forever. If there is a slight chance of you splitting up, then definitely don't add her to the mortgage. Don't charge rent. That's humiliating. & you would have to pay that no matter if she were there or not. Much like council tax, water, phone line rental etc. However the costs of living such as food, electricity (the variables) she should contribute to. Give her some slack, she's a student!

suited-aces

sindygirl58 wrote: »

If you want to buy a house all for yourself, dont dare ask her for rent! Its cheeky and insulting to your girlfriend.

Exactly. How dare he try to get her to pay her way. She's a woman, she shouldn't have to...