Girlfriend moving in - sharing costs

Wilma33

How much rent is she currently paying? I'd suggested she paid slightly less than that so you both win.

elvis86

HRV wrote: »

I think she should definately pay a share.

My OH was buying a house when his met his now ex wife, she got on the mortgage, but never paid any mortgage or bills (beacause she earned less). Her money was for her and his was for bills and him.

Fast forward 10 years they were in 50k + of debt as when she gave up/worked part time coz of the kids she just continued spending on credit cards like she still had 'her' money.

He was naive and stupid- lost the house and is now bankrupt! I met him- and now we are both paying for it:mad: (but have a fab relationship:j)

Just a warning- she should pay her way- dont let her get in the habit of all her money being 'hers' or you could be in his position in 10 years time

Jeez, you said it!:eek:

I've never understood how anyone can accumulate debt to that extent without their partner knowing. I guess over a period of time, and with credit cards etc in their sole names maybe its easier to conceal than one would think. But its a story you seem to hear over and over again, and you can't help but think, how didn't he/she know?!

I would second everything HRV has said. Whilst there is nothing to suggest the OP's GF is this irresponsible, allowing someone to become accustomed to having their entire wage to themselves does them no favours.

Same with people who allow their adult kids to live at home rent free, all it does is make it 10 times harder for them to get used to budgeting when they move into their own place and suddenly have less than half the disposable income they did before, yet still want to maintain the same lifestyle etc.:cool:

NoAngel

I was in the same situation a few years ago. My boyfriend bought a house for us both, but as I was a student I did not go on the mortgage. Instead, he paid for the mortgage and home insurance and that sort of thing from his own account. I then paid for all the utilities form my own account. It was a sort of 'rent' really, but kept me totally separate from the mortgage, which was only fair for both of us. Because I paid so much aswell I also felt that I definately paid my way.

Personally I'd keep the mortgage separate- it's your mortgage, so if you split up, she can't have a claim on the house and it works both ways- if you gen into difficulty, she won't also have a bad credit score or whatever.

realised

I am in the exact same situation at the moment. Going to be in my last yr on uni in Sept and my boyfriend is ready to buy his first house.

What we have loosely decided is that he will pay the mortgage and I will pay the utilities/food. It may not be much in the grand scheme of things but I want to feel like i'm contributing and whilst the mortgage will only be in his name, once we get married and are comfortable etc we'll get a slightly bigger house which will be 'ours'

At this stage, I'm not ready to get a mortgage at all. I would like to be in a good financial position with a regular income and settled before I think about things like houses. So although I am happy to contribute as I'll be livnig there too, I don't want my name to be on the mortgage as it wouldn't feel right.

Lil_Me_2

I'm amazed that people think it's "wrong" to ask her to pay rent!! She'd be paying rent if she wasn't with him so why is it a problem for her to do it now? The OP has to pay a mortgage so it's only fair to expect the gf to contribute.

My partner bought a house which he was soley on the mortgage and on the deeds. It was his house. I moved in with him and I paid him £400 "rent" (unofficially as he didn't have permission to rent it out). Bills and food were split. He was responsible for buying all the furniture and the upkeep of the house. I signed something that went to the mortgage company saying that I had no interest in the property, this was a requirement of the mortgage. We had a separate agreement drawn up giving me some rights such as 2 months notice if he wanted to chuck me out etc.

So I think that fits with the OPs scenario one. I don't see why someone who financially cannot afford to buy a house should financially benefit from living with someone who can afford to buy a house.

This might be of some use to you - http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/f_living_together.pdf

I think you would be better off asking her to cover half of the mortgage (if it's not too different from what she's paying rent wise now) and half the bills and food. Then she is contributing to the household so would see something at the end of it. This is essentially the situation she would have been in if she was in a position to get a mortgage with you.

I'd also get an agreement set up that you protect the money that you've put in up front, so the deposit etc.

blabberwort

I dont understand where all this protecting themselves has come from when your in a relationship where you care enough about each other to want to live together. My attitude has always been whats mine is yours and vice versa.

When I moved in with my OH (incidentally he already had his own property and mortgage) we opened a joint account and both lots of money went into it. We paid all bills including mortgage from it and also used it for personal things ourselves.

If people feel they need a get out clause before even actually living together (not aimed at OP as I understand his dilemma is different) then perhaps they should really be considering if their relationship is at the point they should be cohabiting.

OP as you are buying the house and your gf will be living with you straight away I would say it's as much her property as yours morally as long as she is contributing something towards the upkeep and bills. It shouldnt be about who can afford what, more a case of your money is her money and vice versa. It's always possible that she could end up the biggest earner, who knows what the future will bring.

kateybobs

How can it be 'morally hers' just because she is his girlfriend? I earn significantly more than my partner but he is in a position to buy a house while I have no deposit. We would not feel ready to buy together at this stage but I am considering moving in with him and paying him rent. At some point we may decide to buy a house together but in no way would I expect a "moral" share of his house that he bought with his hard saved cash especially as in this case where some people are suggesting she puts nothing in at all. If I was bringing up his kids etc then maybe but in the case of the OP his girlf is a student and working towards her own career aims. Otherwise if they break up she will be sitting pretty with half a house she hasn't even paid a penny towards.
All this lovey dovey stuff only goes so far but when it comes to these amounts of money you have to be practical. If someone expected ME to put them on the mortgage for free because i loved them I would think they were taking the p*** and trying to get something for nothing and have a serious think about my trust and love for them.

Person_one

blabberwort wrote: »

I dont understand where all this protecting themselves has come from when your in a relationship where you care enough about each other to want to live together. My attitude has always been whats mine is yours and vice versa.

When I moved in with my OH (incidentally he already had his own property and mortgage) we opened a joint account and both lots of money went into it. We paid all bills including mortgage from it and also used it for personal things ourselves.

If people feel they need a get out clause before even actually living together (not aimed at OP as I understand his dilemma is different) then perhaps they should really be considering if their relationship is at the point they should be cohabiting.

OP as you are buying the house and your gf will be living with you straight away I would say it's as much her property as yours morally as long as she is contributing something towards the upkeep and bills. It shouldnt be about who can afford what, more a case of your money is her money and vice versa. It's always possible that she could end up the biggest earner, who knows what the future will bring.

ARGHH! I can't believe how often this comes up on this board.

Living together for the first time is a stage of a relationship. You can't know with 100% certainty that living together will work for you, its a huge step and a big adjustment.

When couples can divorce acrimoniously after 30 years together and end up at each other's throats, you will never convince me that its sensible to go blindly rushing in relying on the hope that everything will be fine because of the lovey dovey smushiness.

roses

Personally, I don't see any problem with the OP's request. His girlfriend is presumably living elsewhere and paying rent. If she moved into a house he paid using his deposit, why should she get a share?

Let per pay half the bills and buy the food. Then if it gets serious once she gets a job then she can financially contribute to the mortgage and get a proportionate share of the house if you were to split.

pinksleepybear

I pay rent to my partner to live in his house, we split other bills pretty much equally. It's his house, not mine. After his marriage broke down, he signed over his share of their house to his wife and had to start again from scratch. We're not married and we don't have children together, nor am I dependent on him.

Most people change mortgage at least every 4-5 years, so don't worry that you have to decide forever what you want to do. Leave her off the mortgage and deeds for now as she's not earning and reassess in a few years time, especially if you have kids or get married.