My 5yo son may have high-functioning autism & I need help on how to discipline him :D

Mics_chick

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I don't think anyone's mentioned the Bluebottle Mystery book which I don't have time to look for on Amazon, but which I would highly recommend to the OP. The author's done others as well which I haven't read.

It was the mention of starnight's son saying he's not being cheeky or answering back which reminded me of it.

What's it about Sue?
Is it someone's story or a help manual type book?

PasturesNew

I've not read any Aspie books, I'm still at some denial stage I think

Here it is: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Blue-Bottle-Mystery-Adventure-Adventures/dp/1853029785

I am not really coming to terms with it very well ... and kind of hoping if I don't read anything about it, it will just go away and I can be 'normal'. It makes me very sad really, now I know ... and that's lead me into some strange mental states the last couple of years, where I'm on a rollercoaster of awareness, then a feeling of 'loss', loss for the life I've not had (even though I don't know what that would have been).

I wonder where I'd be now ... if only ...

Savvy_Sue

Mics_chick wrote: »

What's it about Sue?
Is it someone's story or a help manual type book?

It's a children's story. Primary age. Helpful in helping children realise that they way they approach things isn't necessarily 'wrong', and that the way other people approach things isn't necessarily 'right'.

PN, I don't like to use the word 'normal'. You're normal for you. I'm normal for me. My DSs are normal for them. We're all very different. And we can all play the 'what if' game.

The world is better for the differences, and would in many ways be better if we were all as honest as the Aspies I know.

hgbels

I've just been readingn through this thread and wanted to say thanks to Sue for some of her tips.

My 6 year old boy definatley responds better to the pro-active rules described - the only problem being that I need to remember to do it. I have never got him to walk holding my hand, but for the last two years I just say - stop at the tree etc as we walk and he does. If he has to walk with me he sits down fiddles with the grass or hedge I get stressed etc etc.

I also find that now I choose my battles a bit better. He has 'issues' with socks and shoes, and wil only wear certain pairs of socks. We used to have problems every morning trying to get out of the house. Now I just make sure we have the right socks.

I must buy some of the big timers as I think this will help.

I don't think he is an Aspie but there are definately some traits (and in his dad).

The one area I still struggle with is praise in front of people. He will not hand the birthday boy a present or be given them or say a clear 'thank you' - but will happily chat at other times. He also goes funny if he gets singled out for praise at school etc.

Hels

Mics_chick

My ds really embarrassed me at his 4th birthday party last year at a local play barn coz when the party organiser handed him his present he said "I don't want that!" threw it on the floor and ran off
But now I know that it's a common trait of Aspies/gifted kids it makes it more understandable - I just wish I'd known last year LOL

Mics_chick

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

PN, I don't like to use the word 'normal'. You're normal for you. I'm normal for me. My DSs are normal for them. We're all very different. And we can all play the 'what if' game.

The world is better for the differences, and would in many ways be better if we were all as honest as the Aspies I know.

I agree with Sue's point of view Pastures...

What is normal?
We all think it exists but I don't think it does.

When you've gone to a friend's house or a bf/gf's house, there's always something different that's "not the way we do things in my house".
If anything there will probably be loads of things that are different.
That's coz everyone is different and have their own opinions/values/methods, etc.

I can understand you thinking "what if" but allow yourself to grieve for it and then put it away and get on with living your life as YOU!!! :A

Gingham_Ribbon

I don't know enough about aspergers to comment on that specifically, but I do know that with asynchronous development/giftedness, the thoughts and feelings can be immediate and very intense. I know my son will avoid any situation where strong feelings might get too much for him. Attention doesn't bother him, but worrying that he might be unable to play with the gift would (if it was lego for example) or incase it was DVDs (he's avoiding new fiction stuff incase it makes him cry.)

Being different in this way can be a great thing as well as a burden. He might get so upset at a character being hurt in a film that he doesn't want to watch it, but he's the first one to go over to help a child who has fallen over in the playground. I think for every problem there's a counterside worth finding!

Mics_chick

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

Being different in this way can be a great thing as well as a burden. He might get so upset at a character being hurt in a film that he doesn't want to watch it, but he's the first one to go over to help a child who has fallen over in the playground. I think for every problem there's a counterside worth finding!

This sounds exactly like my son GR but I'm not sure about how he would be if another child hurt themselves at school coz I've not been there to see it.
He used to back down to his older sister alot coz he didn't like her getting upset or being angry with him.
But we told him not to give in all the time (especially as she uses tears to get her own way) so now he has learned to stand his ground more

But he used to be mega-sensitive to a character getting hurt or doing something naughty or getting into trouble, even in kiddies programs like Fifi and the Flowertots, that he would run out of the room and keep peeping round the door until the story had turned around.
We have gradually trained him out of it by saying that these programs always have a happy ending and he has got used to it more now

Could you give me more info about your son's behaviour that is different to your other kids?

Gingham_Ribbon

Happy to, but I don't want to give too many of his secrets away in public - he's a very private kid!

I'll ask him if he minds, then I'll pm you. What I will say is that he's VERY different. It's both worrying and wonderful, depending on what hurdles it's causing him to tackle that particular day. He can be talking about a topic at (easily) GCSE standard one minute and crying over having run out of custard the next. It's like having a 14 year old and a 3 year old in the same little boy. One day we're writing a letter to the tooth fairy and the next we're writing one to Nelson Mandela. :A

starnight_2

I also agree with Sue's point of view, we all have different perspectives of what is normal.

Mics - I know where you're coming from with birthday parties, I've got to the point I worry about having them, but we are going to try one again next year. First time had a party for DS it was familly only, went to the aquarium and for something to eat. He ignored everybody most of the day and when someone tried to bring presents out he screamed and hid under the table!!