My 5yo son may have high-functioning autism & I need help on how to discipline him :D

LilySue

I have a thirteen year old son with high functioning autism, and we suspect that my middle son who's sixteen is also somewhere on the spectrum ( have had so many varying diagnoses for him over the years, ADHD, dyspraxia, DAMP syndrome, all of which I think are part and parcel of an autistic spectrum disorder)

But I digress ...I know that both my sons needed clear boudaries and for me to be very consistent ( which was tough on their dippy hippy mother). I like the site http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/ for parenting advice, there is as big special needs section there, and their advice is very good. I will say it is a Christian site ( you probably noticed that from the title:D) but the parenting advice is excellent regardless of your personal faith choice.

SingleSue

Mics_chick wrote: »

Can you give me any examples of your pro-active parenting Sue?
Like a particular situation and how you would put it into practice?

I have put it on another thread (or maybe this one, I get confuzzled!) but in basic terms....

I have a list of rules of expected behaviour which we go through before we leave the house, on the way to our destination, on arrival at our destination and at any time behaviour is being threatened while we are out.

The rules are

No running
No jumping
No hitting
No fighting
No swearing
Be nice to each other
etc etc.

With the improved behaviour while out and of course the fact they knew what was expected (and reminded regularly), it meant they were less stressed at home, so the behaviour reduced there too.

I don't smack, I don't shout, it only serves to confuse them further (they know the quieter and lower my voice, the more they are in trouble!) and I attempt to prepare them for anything different so as to avoid stress and of course behaviour caused by that stress.

When they were wee, I used a slightly different method to stop them doing something they shouldn't...for example, if they were running ahead, I didn't say don't run, I said, walk nicely. If they were going too close to the road on the path, I didn't say, get away from the road, I said, walk by the hedge/wall. If youngest was responding by grunts or shouts, I said use your words (I also used hand signals here too - makaton type).

So rather than using negative terms, I used positive ones.

Sounds arty farty but it blooming worked!

Mics_chick

Thanks for that Sue :A
I'll hunt around for where you posted it before if it's a fuller version

SingleSue

Lol, it started off being the more basic version here but ended up the more fuller version in the end!

PM me if you need any extra help, I've got a 12 year old complex autistic and a 13 year old Aspie.

kittiej

If you want certain things to be done then I would buy a clock for your son.

Clock watching is an avid past time of both my son and I.

He knows that when the clock reaches 7pm it's time to go to bed, sometimes he does go before but out of choice esp when his younger bro is making too much noise and hurting his ears.

I also don't have a single remote control that hasn't been broken at some point. He wants to check the batteries haven't run out but he's a bit heavy handed trying to put the back on. I don't shout because he told me the reason why - even if I find it annoying.

I agree with PN about the counting. I count everything, the number of letters on signs, the number of words, how many combinations of four or 8 ( that's a nice number) can I see in the words. It's a necessary irritation. Counting fingers and making up 'games' counting my fingers, a bit like eeny meeny minie moe, this used to help me get to sleep, it still does if i get stressed before bed only now I add up in my head.

My son likes rules - but like the OP he forgets what he's been told. He also likes to tidy up to please adults - but his bedroom is full of rubbish cos he's a hoarder.

My workmates laugh at me cos I drive to work and back home. I never ever drive further than to work as I haven't learnt the roads that far.

I don't have friends but this doesn't bother me, well not anymore it did when I was a teenager but I got over it. I get upset when my son comes home and cries because he doesn't have friends and this breaks my heart because I know what he's feeling.

It's about finding the right solution for your son and you. You could try playing games like ask him to pick a number and then ask him to find that number of clothes to wash, rubbish to throw out, pages of a book to read etc.

starnight_2

I have timetables on my DS (8) bedroom door. I know your son is a bit younger, but we also got timers in his room so he knows how long he has got before things. He is also told where we are going in advance, usually several times. I found the throwing things hard to deal with, but star charts seemed to help there, and explaining so he could understand why he shouldn't. And at about 5 if he threw something, I wouldn't shout at him but ask him why, and get him to understand the emotion behind it, he now would still throw his glasses and strip, but he is more vocal in first of all saying he is angry or annoyed, which is much easier than getting hit with something.

As with running in front, my DS still does this, though I have set boundries. He is allowed to run in front until I tell him to stop, i.e. where I can see him. I worked hard wiht him to help him understand as long as he stopped (I would shout 'thats far enough') he could do this but if he ran across roads, hid or didn't stop when asked he would have to walk beside me. He has always preferred being a couple of steps ahead or behind me.


With the doing things first time? I still haven't figured this out, as he tends to go do it then forget, so I just have to remind him several times. I think I've just got used to it now.

Back-chatting I also haven't figured out. DS swears he's not being cheeky or answering back no matter how many times I try to explain what it is... normally I get a sarcy answer. He also likes to use long words, his fav at the moment is rhetorical. He asks a question and then tells you it was rhetorical if you try to answer it!!! I wouldn't change him for the world.

Savvy_Sue

I don't think anyone's mentioned the Bluebottle Mystery book which I don't have time to look for on Amazon, but which I would highly recommend to the OP. The author's done others as well which I haven't read.

It was the mention of starnight's son saying he's not being cheeky or answering back which reminded me of it.

esmf73

julie03 wrote: »

i cant help much, but my son has dyspraxia and suspected ASD and we have problems with disipline, it seems whatever punishment we give he doesnt seem to learn from it, i feel like a demented parrot, i seem to repeat the same things day after day but it seems to get louder.
i am considering going on practical parenting course to see if i can get ideas as someone has told me this can help.
i know exactly how you feel, and i shall watch this thread for ideas
good luck

MisChick and Julie - and many others - OMG I thought it was just ME and my brood that suffered with this. Yesterday my eldest almost had me in tears with his behaviour and his general language (he's not even 6 yet). Ofsted are in school this week so hopefully he doesn't cause them any problems.

I'll be reading and re-reading this thread many many times. Thank you xx

esmf73

Mics_chick wrote: »

Does keep throwing things around make any sense to anyone? Mostly pieces of paper or soft things that won't hurt or break but not always...

Or having a "fascination" with the toilet? Almost a "need" to flush things down the loo???

How many things has my son broken because he throws them around all the time? I only buy second hand toys nox. xx

Savvy_Sue

esmf73 wrote: »

Ofsted are in school this week so hopefully he doesn't cause them any problems.

Sorry, but THAT is not your problem. Ofsted need to be able to see whether a school takes seriously the 'Every Child Matters' mantra, and how they deal with a challenging child is part of that, surely?