My 5yo son may have high-functioning autism & I need help on how to discipline him :D

[Deleted User]

Kids without ASD do it too. I went in a bit heavy on my four year old for some repeated misdemeanour. So now if there's anything i haven't done for him, I get his voice (usually from somewhere vaguely behind the stair bannister) saying over and over 'I'm ashamed of you, u didn't do XXX, its just not good enough.., I asked u and u didn't do it'.., he even gets the voice tone right. And my OH and I crack up each time lolol.

Re flimsier's post.., my son loses his xbox if he continues to do something that's not clever. Obviously i do warn him but I definitely get his attention when it comes time to remove it. Consistency is very important too.

And don't worry about the backchat.., all kids, with or without ASD do it .., and teen's are experts lol.

Mics_chick

julie03 wrote: »

mine tells me im grounded for a week, don't know how hes gonna get to school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:rotfl:

Oh I think I'm going to enjoy reading these threads :T :beer: :rotfl:

One thing that does make me wonder whether our discipline falls down is because he is often very funny - sometimes coz he's trying to be and sometimes coz he isn't - so it's hard not to laugh at times... so we sometimes do.
As consistency seems to be the watchword of any disciplinary practices suggested nowadays it does make me wonder if I'm just flogging a dead horse ??? :D

PasturesNew

Mics_chick wrote: »

What sort of things fit PN?

Don't ask an Aspie an open question
We don't know where to start answering. Need to know the framework and structure of the answer ... so the question is answered... and ... when we answer we'll start at the beginning of time and not take a breath until half an hour later ... when we think we've covered everything, the background ... and included multiple complex examples to try to explain what we mean, so you understand.

Everything fits. The way I think, what people meant when they said things to me that I've held in memory for years and never understood. Why I can't "just ask". Why certain environments disturb me. Why I have strange behaviours in certain situations. Where my urges to "be naughty" come from (e.g. if I am standing in a supermarket trying to choose beans, I have to read the price of every variety, before working out which one I will buy ... and if you wander down the aisle on your mobile phone when I am in the middle of doing that, then stand beside me, I will just want to scream !!!!!!!! in your face, rip your phone off you and stomp on it).... I can only do one thing at a time and any external disturbance prevents me from doing that and I have to start again. Sometimes, if I am concentrating on something and there's a disturbance (aka noisy !!!!!!), then I will literally "get stuck" at that point and in an attempt to retain my position and continue, I will repeat over and over out loud in an agitated manner, the place I got up to... e.g. in that shop, with those beans, I will have to concentrate hard and speak out loud each price, just to try to continue with my task).

Just everything... it all fits.

The way I have to count everything. If I am looking at a house, I count all the bricks and roof tiles, then compare it to next door, to see if next door is an inch wider. Everything has to be counted.

Things have to be in order.

If I have to leave a building and get back to my car, I am plotting and calculating the entire route in my head ... and counting all the steps I make. As I approach a door, I am mentally working out at which point I will raise my hand to grab the door handle, this is so I can progress along the route without interruption.

Just hundreds and thousands and thousands of tiny details and things that simply have to be done, that matter.

The constant, incessant counting and measuring and keeping tally is tiring.

I also don't sleep. I've never slept properly. If I live around others, then it's worse. I can't sleep for the anticipation of what others might do, e.g. walk up the stairs, come in, go out.

I don't like to be seen. Watched. Observed. I like to be hidden, to see without being seen.

I don't like choices.... choice sucks up too much time deciding. It limits what I can do because I can't decide. Deciding things takes too much planning and research, even the simplest things.

Everything has to become a system. Everything I do is a system. A flawless system of achieving any given task or process in the most efficient way. From crossing a room, to opening a door.

And there's loads more.... did anybody nod off yet?

That's all just the start.

Privacy is key. Any sudden events (e.g. somebody ringing a doorbell, the phone ringing, the unexpected) ... puts me on edge. If you visited me I'd be like a cat on a hot tin roof, I can't sit still and relax where people are in my space, unexpected.

If I am going out, I have to know everything about it. When, where, at what time... what if ... then what, where... where will we sit.

I have to sit in certain places, nobody behind me (corners are great). Being next to a window, or being able to see out of a window - to be able to see a long distance is good. When things become too much, I can see "the escape", I can stare into the distance and take myself out of the place where I am, I can zone out if I can see outside, see the space ... see the outside world.

And there's more... much, much more.

I can't be where lights are bright (I am sitting here in the dark right now). I can't be where the noise is loud, or the noise changes. I am twitchy in places where there are a lot of moving things/people.

I am, though, the most meticulous and fantastically, fastidiously, perfect organiser you could ever encounter

flimsier

PasturesNew wrote: »

Don't ask an Aspie an open question
We don't know where to start answering. Need to know the framework and structure of the answer ... so the question is answered... and ... when we answer we'll start at the beginning of time and not take a breath until half an hour later ... when we think we've covered everything, the background ... and included multiple complex examples to try to explain what we mean, so you understand.

Everything fits. The way I think, what people meant when they said things to me that I've held in memory for years and never understood. Why I can't "just ask". Why certain environments disturb me. Why I have strange behaviours in certain situations. Where my urges to "be naughty" come from (e.g. if I am standing in a supermarket trying to choose beans, I have to read the price of every variety, before working out which one I will buy ... and if you wander down the aisle on your mobile phone when I am in the middle of doing that, then stand beside me, I will just want to scream !!!!!!!! in your face, rip your phone off you and stomp on it).... I can only do one thing at a time and any external disturbance prevents me from doing that and I have to start again. Sometimes, if I am concentrating on something and there's a disturbance (aka noisy !!!!!!), then I will literally "get stuck" at that point and in an attempt to retain my position and continue, I will repeat over and over out loud in an agitated manner, the place I got up to... e.g. in that shop, with those beans, I will have to concentrate hard and speak out loud each price, just to try to continue with my task).

Just everything... it all fits.

The way I have to count everything. If I am looking at a house, I count all the bricks and roof tiles, then compare it to next door, to see if next door is an inch wider. Everything has to be counted.

Things have to be in order.

If I have to leave a building and get back to my car, I am plotting and calculating the entire route in my head ... and counting all the steps I make. As I approach a door, I am mentally working out at which point I will raise my hand to grab the door handle, this is so I can progress along the route without interruption.

Just hundreds and thousands and thousands of tiny details and things that simply have to be done, that matter.

The constant, incessant counting and measuring and keeping tally is tiring.

I also don't sleep. I've never slept properly. If I live around others, then it's worse. I can't sleep for the anticipation of what others might do, e.g. walk up the stairs, come in, go out.

I don't like to be seen. Watched. Observed. I like to be hidden, to see without being seen.

I don't like choices.... choice sucks up too much time deciding. It limits what I can do because I can't decide. Deciding things takes too much planning and research, even the simplest things.

Everything has to become a system. Everything I do is a system. A flawless system of achieving any given task or process in the most efficient way. From crossing a room, to opening a door.

And there's loads more.... did anybody nod off yet?

That's all just the start.

Privacy is key. Any sudden events (e.g. somebody ringing a doorbell, the phone ringing, the unexpected) ... puts me on edge. If you visited me I'd be like a cat on a hot tin roof, I can't sit still and relax where people are in my space, unexpected.

If I am going out, I have to know everything about it. When, where, at what time... what if ... then what, where... where will we sit.

I have to sit in certain places, nobody behind me (corners are great). Being next to a window, or being able to see out of a window - to be able to see a long distance is good. When things become too much, I can see "the escape", I can stare into the distance and take myself out of the place where I am, I can zone out if I can see outside, see the space ... see the outside world.

And there's more... much, much more.

I can't be where lights are bright (I am sitting here in the dark right now). I can't be where the noise is loud, or the noise changes. I am twitchy in places where there are a lot of moving things/people.

I am, though, the most meticulous and fantastically, fastidiously, perfect organiser you could ever encounter

But you also have aspects that point the other way - you're self-aware, which is very rare with AS sufferers (I am not convinced 'sufferer' is the best word). And you've self-diagnosed, which is very common in non-AS sufferers. And last, it doesn't sound like it hampers you like it really can some AS sufferers (you have a job/ buying a house and so on).

It seems in you to be more like a personality trait that appears similar - from afar - but of course I know all I have to go on is a few posts.

[Deleted User]

Remember tho.., that Autistic Syndrome of Disorders is a collection of symptoms, any of which can be bundled together and called ASD. ASD in one person is different to ASD in another person., and one can show one symptom in an extreme way while another can show it mildly.

So its not always good to generalise about what ASD is.., rather to talk about what it could be (in terms of symptoms)

flimsier

deannatrois wrote: »

Remember tho.., that Autistic Syndrome of Disorders is a collection of symptoms, any of which can be bundled together and called ASD. ASD in one person is different to ASD in another person., and one can show one symptom in an extreme way while another can show it mildly.

So its not always good to generalise about what ASD is.., rather to talk about what it could be (in terms of symptoms)

Agree x a million.

julie03

for pasturesnew

would parts of aspergers apply to someone who has ASD
as my son is totally disorganised which is part of his dyspraxia but the way he explains things to me is baffling, he goes into details which are so irrelavent that half way through i have i haven't a clue what he is talking about.
and he doesnt like noisy situations can only work at school if its quiet otherwise he will go into his own little world and shut the rest out.
so some of the things you say are true for my son and others are not, he def isnt private, he loves to sing and dance,( not very well i might add) in front of others and wants to be a rock star

[Deleted User]

Mics_chick wrote: »

Oh I think I'm going to enjoy reading these threads :T :beer: :rotfl:

One thing that does make me wonder whether our discipline falls down is because he is often very funny - sometimes coz he's trying to be and sometimes coz he isn't - so it's hard not to laugh at times... so we sometimes do.
As consistency seems to be the watchword of any disciplinary practices suggested nowadays it does make me wonder if I'm just flogging a dead horse ??? :D

Yep my son is very funny and we have the same problem wondering if he's meaning to be funny and its ok to laugh or its unintentional. And like you, because of the humour, he found it a good way to avoid consequences so we did have problems with discipline later on. Consistency did work tho.., even if u think your cheeks are gonna fall off your face they're so rigid while u try not to laugh lol.

Mics_chick

Does keep throwing things around make any sense to anyone? Mostly pieces of paper or soft things that won't hurt or break but not always...

Or having a "fascination" with the toilet? Almost a "need" to flush things down the loo???

PasturesNew

flimsier wrote: »

But you also have aspects that point the other way - you're self-aware, which is very rare with AS sufferers (I am not convinced 'sufferer' is the best word). And you've self-diagnosed, which is very common in non-AS sufferers. And last, it doesn't sound like it hampers you like it really can some AS sufferers (you have a job/ buying a house and so on).

It seems in you to be more like a personality trait that appears similar - from afar - but of course I know all I have to go on is a few posts.

I am self-aware because I lived 47 years with myself... and have since had 3 years to analyse and work through all the logic of my entire past.

Lots of Aspies have a job. I've rarely stayed in them long though and tended to stick to temping/contract work as I knew when I could run away (at the end of the booking) and be in my own space again. I work because I had to, I have to. Nobody told me any different. I was told "you go to school, you leave school, you get a job", so I did - following the rules. As for a house, you have to live somewhere. Buying your own house is the way I could see that I could shut the door and be "in my space", have my privacy. So it was something I had to achieve, somehow.

You just do things when nobody tells you you can't... and although I've never been adventurous, there are some simple things (like work and a house) which are "normal" and so I had to do what I thought people did.

I do what I have to do, to function at a basic level, each day .... so I can then be in "my space" with the least unexpected interruption. It's about minimising those changes. If I have a house and pay the mortgage, then nobody tells me to leave. Minimise change. My space. Quiet. And I can have things just how I like them and nobody moves things about. And privacy... I can have that.