How do I move on from a relationship break-up?

Pixiechic

Hey,

Its good to read how productive you have been! Good for you and I hope you keep it up.
Personally, I don't know if your ex is 'stringing' you along or whether he is just trying to do what he thinks is best. He probably feels terribly guilty and quite confused himself. Having the pressure of marriage and babies when you are confused is hard too. If he doesn't love you or see a future with you then he did do the right thing by telling you, however hard that might be for you both. You don't need to fall out with someone when you split and that too can sometimes be the hardest part! Thing is though, he seems quite set on you splitting and at some point, you will need to cut ties in order to move on. It is probably too early for you to accept that right now and thats okay, just be prepared.
You are looking inwards now and thats great. Seeing a therapist, contacting friends, dealing with your house and everything else is actually really positive, it just doesn't feel like that right now. Your'e doing all the right things by the sounds of it. Crying is fine, let it all out for as long as it needs to come out. Don't bottle it up.
The heartbreak diet is well documented so don't worry too much about losing the pounds as long as it doesn't get too silly! Focus on you now, learn to be your own rock. You're grieving and need to go through the process so don't chastise yourself for it. I think most of us at some point have done the 'calling and texting' thing constantly before , well I know I have anyway!
It will get better and things will improve, it won't be straight away but it will. Hang in there and take good car of yourself. Get your hair cut, bath bombs from lush are nice to relax in the bath with. Read a good book to take your mind off it. Write your feelings down in a diary. Try your hardest to have less contact with your ex, it will only serve to keep the wound open for longer in my opinion. All the best

SandC

I am sure that your ex does feel bad for breaking things off, but I honestly don't think having counselling with him will help unless he has said that he's unsure in any way. He is not doing you any favours by being there for you. You can only be friends with someone when they don't mean any more to you than another friend. An ex will try to be friends because that means they won't get any grief. They may think they mean it, but they don't want to be the bad guy. He may never be able to explain why he doesn't want to be with you but in time you'll realise that it is better to break things off sooner rather than later. You need to continue letting the contact with him diminish. What would you do if while you and he were continuing as you are and he started dating someone else? If you were really just friends it wouldn't really bother you.

Most people never get any semblance of reason from the person who dumped them, and they always think if only he was nasty not nice I could handle it better, or if only he was nice not nasty I could handle it better, or if he'd cheated I could handle it better. You always think another scenario will make it easier when it won't.

belfastgirl23

No time to post properly but just wanted to say WOW WELL DONE YOU!!! Keep it up!

AlwaysWorking

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

No time to post properly but just wanted to say WOW WELL DONE YOU!!! Keep it up!

Thank you, but I don't really feel like I've done anything. I volunteered for an extra shift in my p/t job tonight so didn't get to go to the hotel to cancel the wedding. Driving back to my mum's after work I started crying and I haven't stopped. I would give ANYTHING to have been driving home to my own house, with ex there to give me a cuddle after a long day. I really, really want to ring him to see how his day went, but I know there's no point and that hurts badly. I wish I was a better person, the kind of woman he wants to spend his life with...I wish I knew what I did wrong to make him fall out of love with me so quickly. He says I did nothing wrong and he left because he suddenly couldn't see us having a future...but surely what he means is that he doesn't want me in his future....and I must have done something to make him change his mind so soon after proposing?

Sorry, I know I should keep being positive, but I find night time so difficult. I want to be in my own house bickering with ex over what to watch on tv, lol, not staying in my mum's. I feel like such a failure.

whitewing

It's fine to cry. You're sad but you'll get through it. I did. Some things aren't meant to be. You don't need to be a better person. There is someone out there who loves you exactly as you are, and who will give you space and time to grow.

I still don't know why one of my previous bf's split with me. It hurt so badly at the time. It doesn't hurt anymore. I wish him well. I'm married to a fab chap now.

Stephb1986_2

Well done so far, your not a failure love these things happen, I wish there was something I could do to help

Steph xx

jackieglasgow

You are not a failure. Unfortunately, not every boyfriend loves us like we love them, and until there is some sort of parity in the relationship, you aren't with the right person. My very good friend, who is my DSIL believes that we do not have "One", that there are lots of "one"s out there, but it only works if you are their "one", too. I kind of get that. Luckily, I only kissed one frog before I met my one, who happened to be her younger brother. She, on the other hand, had two before she met her OH. One of them I thought would be her forever man, but now she's with her husband I can see how perfect they are for each other. Probably doesn't make sense 'cos I am so tired, but I hope it makes you think. Big hugs, it's not nice having a broken heart, but I know you will recover from this. X

AlwaysWorking

Good afternoon everyone! It's finally FRIDAY!! :rotfl:I dunno why I'm so excited about it being the weekend - I'm working tonight and 9-7.30 tomorrow and 1-6 Sunday in my 2nd job....! At least it means I'll be able to pay the bills though. I'm such an exciting person - I only have two trains of thought; how much I miss life with my ex, and how much debt I am in! Please feel free to kick me if by Monday I haven't listed a load of stuff on ebay!!

Thank you everyone for your replies...some have really made me think. I had the estate agent out at my house this morning, and am waiting to hear what his advice is. I still haven't contacted my ex (or had him contact me ) which I guess is a positive thing, even though I've reached for my phone at least 100 times!

I hope everyone is having a lovely day and (unlike me!) have lots of exciting things planned for the weekend!!

xxxx

Amanda65

Good for you - you are definitely taking some positive steps forward.

As a nudge for selling stuff - I believe Ebay have free listings this weekend so you get to keep more of the money from your sales. If that's not an incentive to get going on it I don't know what is

(Note to self - list all my stuff on Ebay this weekend as well as I've been putting it off for months :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:)

jackieglasgow

ooh you sound good today. When are you getting your haircut?