Do I do too much??

AnnaLicious_2

I think it's rather telling that you mentioned you earn more than her. Consciously or not, maybe this is effecting how you think things should work in the house?
I earn more than my boyfriend, and he has suggested he should do more around the house because of it. Which I tell him is nonsense, we're partners. We work full-time, although I'm still on maternity leave. We have split household chores - he does do the bulk of the cleaning, I do anything with finances or paperwork, we split the cooking, and I do laundry. I'm happy with him doing the housework as he can't sit still, and there are things he will obsess over that I don't care about.
Looking after a little one can be very tiring. No, it's not always constant singing and playing. However, a lot of it is just interaction and being there whilst they play as 1 1/2 is still too young for independent play. As you say, you manage to get things in the house done with your child. I do manage to lure my child to be calm or nap while I do certain things in the house, but it's not all the time. A child has different expectations of attention from a mother than a father.
Please don't let yourself get into a martyr situation where you think you're being put upon and your partner does nothing. You can twist this however you like. Wouldn't you be happier to think that she's being a good mother and spending time with your child, and that you are being a good dad by supporting them? She may be feeling overwhemled with guilt about working and only want to spend time with her child when she's home. The home-cooked meals may not be important to her like it is to you.
If you're upset about it, why not have a non-accusitory talk with her about how she's feeling, how you're feeling, and what you can do together to work through it.

elvis86

All these people advising you to "screw the housework, spending time with baby is more important", "he won't remember how clean the house was, he'll remember who played with him" etc...what complete and utter rubbish!

Keeping a tidy house and being a good parent aren't mutually exclusive for God's sake! And anyone who tries to claim otherwise is obviously a victim of lazy-itis, using the fact that they're a parent as an excuse to do naff all.:cool:

OP, your OH sounds like a completely lazy cow, I wouldn't buy any of this "could she be depressed?" rubbish either. She needs to pull her weight and stop using the baby as an excuse!

lincsdan86

AnnaLicious wrote: »

I think it's rather telling that you mentioned you earn more than her. Consciously or not, maybe this is effecting how you think things should work in the house?

The only reason that i put that is becuase i was going to say something like i end up paying the majority of the household bills etc etc, as she uses the majority of hers to service the debt that she has. but that is a different matter I no that if she had more she'd hlp more with the household bills.

I think household chores should be 50/50 and i do think she uses DS as a reason to be lazy at times. it is more frustrating then anything I ask if she'd do the vacuuming but she says she will do it later. I mean it needs doing now or i wouldnt say and yes it would probably need doing later aswell, I am a firm believer in little and often, if you leave it to pile up it takes longer, you lose interest and do a rubbish job but if you do a little bit and often it never builds up.

Okay maybe when I have been at the pub the night before (WORKING) till 3 in the morning, I would prefer not to be waken up at 8 as the misses brings DS into our bedroom but what am I supposed to do

ameliarate

Personally I think you need to have a long calm chat with your partner, partner being the important word. The whole point of being together is that you are supposed to work as a team. Saying that you can eat ready meals occasionally is, I'm afraid, silly and pointless.

Of course nobody needs to clean and hoover every day but it does need to be done regularly and if you leave it too long it just gets out of hand.

You should be sharing the work and sharing the time you are able to spend with your child.

You should try and give up the second job if you can as well, unless you desparately need the money.

Shadowsfall

Everything that needs doing should be split equally between partners - if one is at home all day raising the kids, that's hard. If one is out working all day, that is hard too so you both have to share. (P.s not saying that LincsDan is in this particular situation - realise he and his DP both work).

Give and take should be the rule. In this case I'd suggest you communicate your feelings to your partner effectively and listen to how she feels also. You might find that she has no idea you feel like this and is quite open to the idea of comprimise.

Does sound like you do a lot and a better balance could be struck. Not fair that you feel like this.

thorsoak

Frankly, as things are, I don't see this relationship lasting much longer

How do I come to this conclusion? Just from the way that the OP writes about his partner (not wife)

ameliarate

thorsoak wrote: »

Frankly, as things are, I don't see this relationship lasting much longer

How do I come to this conclusion? Just from the way that the OP writes about his partner (not wife)

I suspect the fact they have a young child has caused a lot of changes in their relationship that they have not yet come to terms with. That doesn't mean they can't and, if they love each other enough, they will.

The fact that he says partner not wife is irrelevant.

sarahs999

I had a thread like this earlier in the year and got shot down in flames because people thought I had it easy. But what I learnt frmo it was that I was resenting being the one who was responsible for everything/thought of everything first. We had a chat and things are so much better now, he's like a new man. Are you feeling resentful? If so you need to talk and find a way out of it. Resentful feelings are never good things to harbour.

thorsoak

ameliarate wrote: »

The fact that he says partner not wife is irrelevant.

Alongside the fact that he earns more, and pays the bills, it was the OP who made this point.

I come to this conclusion because there is no mention anywhere in the OP's posts of love, or concern - just aggrievement. He is building up such a force of resentment, that unless he is prepared to talk to his partner soon, it s going to blow - and sadly, an awful lot of damage will be done - and there will be irreparable damage.

lincsdan86

thorsoak wrote: »

How do I come to this conclusion? Just from the way that the OP writes about his partner (not wife)

So because I was correcting a fact that my misses is my partner and not my wife you have come to the conclusion that it will not last much longer? odd bit of logic that