Do I do too much??

lincsdan86

Just a quick post as I am feeling a little low today and I just want to get some "outside" opinions.

Anyway do you think the things that I do are too much, I am not doing enough or it is about right. I am not saying my partner doesnt do anything

Anyway

I work full time during the week (relatively good pay, about 1.5 times more then the misses)
At weekends I do bar work to bring in some extra cash
If I do not cook, we do not eat what I would call proper food, so i feel I need to cook everyday.
Cleaning, if there is something that needs doing I will do it, if not it is left. I mean I brough a new vacuum cleaner 2 months ago and i am not sure she has used it yet :-s
Washing up for example 9 times out of 10 it is me that ends up doing it, otherwise it would be left for days and that is just not right.
The washing normally, i make sure it is on and dried, admittedly i will not put it away, so it is left for days in the front room.

Whilst I do this the misses looks after ds who is 1 1/2 and says that she doesnt have the time to do the housework, but when i have him alone i still manage to get some of the work done. or when we are both home i am always cleaning!!!

Is it just me? Am I being stupid here? please tell me.

Thanks

BitterAndTwisted

From the outside it seems to me that it's not you doing too much but that your OH is doing far too little

Sunshine12

I dont have kids but I do know its alot of work to look after them all day however I would say that it sounds like you do alot. On the other hand I dont work, dont have kids and my OH works full time and does the same amount of housework and cooking as I do so I am possibly not the best person to comment. I would say that if you feel its too much then the chances are it is. Can you ask your OH if you could perhaps try and take turns doing various things round the house? Has she ever been the type to clean up etc or did she used to be a bit lazy with it before you had your DS?

lincsdan86

Thanks for your reply, my partner works full time aswell and ds goes to grandparents and childminer during the days so it is not like she is looking after him full time.

I wouldnt mind so much but when i ask her to do something it is always, i will do it later, but as we all no later never comes lol

lauren_1

Take the boy out for a few hours on a sunday so she can get a start on cleaning.
See how that goes down.

lincsdan86

lauren_1 wrote: »

Take the boy out for a few hours on a sunday so she can get a start on cleaning.
See how that goes down.

I would but I am working this weekend, we have the car tax to pay for at the end of the month :-( could take him out in the morning though, I might suggest it

jcr16

i wouldn't say you do too much as you do what is needed to run a home and a family. but i'd say your misses needs to do more . work together on it. it shouldn't be one person does everything.

i have 3 little one. and i do 99 % of stuff around the house. but then i don't work . it is my job to do it , and i enjoy it. i love looking after house and family. hubby has the full time job to bring in the pennies. but he does often help out just because he wants to.

ciderwithrosie_2

Ask yourself this.... is the missus constantly attending to your son, ie, playing games, singing, taking him to toddlers, cuddling him and preparing his food? If yes, then sod the housework, your son's development and welfare are more important. If, however, she spends a good proportion of her day watching TV/on the PC/on the phone/staring out the window/round at other people's houses then no, she's not coping too well. I presume your son goes to bed at some point? or has the odd nap still? How long does it take to run the hoover round and peel some veg for dinner? I don't enjoy housework (not unique there) so I learnt ways to do it quickly and efficiently. Could it be that the missus is a little depressed?

BitterAndTwisted

Well, the answer is to not actually ask her to do anything, so she can't dig her heels in. Ask her to help you with a particular chore and see what the response is then.

So, what's really going on at home is that your OH entertains kidlet while you're doing the chores, is that right? It could be that she believes that her time is better spent with the child and once he's in school and perhaps a lot less dependent all of those household chores can be kept on top of then. Or, she's a lazy bum and is taking advantage of your better nature. I think in return for your full housekeeping service it might make more sense for her to be the one doing bar-work on the weekends.

the_cat

I certainly think you do too much!

I wonder whether your wife spends so much time with your DS because she feels a bit guilty/misses him with the full time working? (not that she should, but us mums seem to be programmed that way!)

Thing is, it is just as important that you get to spend some time with him and also to get a bit of rest/time for yourself, so a calm chat seems to be in order.
Perhaps slanting it that you need more time with him to play as a dad etc, rather than be seen to be nagging over chores would be a good way to start the conversation?

Errata

How long do you plan to carry on with this state of affairs ? Until your child leaves school ? Or until it leaves home ?