Do I do too much??

pigpen

I don't work.. I have 7 children at home.. they are all at school now as from last September.. BUT.. I have always done any housework that got done.. even with 3 under school age. I do the washing and the cleaning and the hospital appointments and the assemblies. We did play groups and dance classes and school runs..

The childrens dad (no longer lives here) would help put them to bed.. occasionally cook dinner and worked 40 hours a week..

So long as what we did at home when we were both in was done together then it was fine.. Iused to get annoyed when he would come in from work and think he had finished for the day when I had another 3-4 hours of it!

I LOATHE washing up.. I bought a dishwasher... is there anything you could do such as this to make your life less 'full'?

She sounds like she is either very depressed.. is this a possibility? This made me unwilling/unable to do anything constructive towards making the house habitable. I didn't take particular good care of myself and so long as the children were fed and clothed nothing else mattered.

OR.. she is a right lazy moo and needs a kick up the backside!

It is a JOINT home and a JOINT child.. therefore you should both spend the time you have at home split between the 2.. neither is YOUR job or HER job.. it is all the responsibility of the family unit.

and yes, your child WILL remember how tidy the house is.. or not.. and who did all the work.. I remember, my children remember, and my mother remembers.. and it is at least 1000 years since she was a child! I even remember what colour the walls were painted when I was about 4.

OrkneyStar

pigpen wrote: »

and yes, your child WILL remember how tidy the house is.. or not.. and who did all the work.. I remember, my children remember, and my mother remembers.. and it is at least 1000 years since she was a child! I even remember what colour the walls were painted when I was about 4.

Our house was not always perfectly tidy, not in a great state of decor, and at the time I do remember thinking 'wish we had a posh house' every now and then! Now however I am so thankful my mum spent time playing with me and letting me have fun, than worrying about how tidy the house is! Remembering is not the same as being bothered about it!
There is more to life than housework!

C_Mababejive

What are you keeping her for?

jackieglasgow

Now Dan your wife might just be a lazy old bag, or she may have PND 18months is not too late for it too develop, was she like this before you have a child?

thorsoak

Jackieglasgow has just asked the question that was in my mind - your wife could be suffering from PND - when did she return to work? A woman's hormones can be all over the place for up to 2 years after birth - and if she went back to work quite soon after the birth (when possibly she would have preferred to stay home) AND she is having to put up with your martyrdom, she may well be feeling quite low!

Who does the shopping & cooking? Who organises paying the bills? Who gets up in the night if LO wakes?

Oldernotwiser

lincsdan86 wrote: »

the bit about earning more was because i was going to right something else but decided not to but didnt remove that bit aswel. should it always be that she gets to spend time relaxing with DS whilst I do the housework?

There's nothing particularly relaxing in looking after a 1 1/2 year old!

Oldernotwiser

Errata wrote: »

If the child is 18 months old it will be in bed from 7pm onwards. How much looking after will it need when it's fast asleep ?

It might be but not everybody does it like that. What the OP says he does could easily be finished by this time as well.

Oldernotwiser

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

TBH I think your OH is taking the mick. I mean I have 2 kids and I still manage to get something done - one presumes that your LO has a nap at some point during the day. Perfect opportunity to get some jobs done. I do my daily housework done as fast as I can so I have the opportunity to have a sit down otherwise I'd be on my feet all day..

When you're working full time?

jakem_2

lincsdan86 wrote: »

I wouldnt mind so much but when i ask her to do something it is always, i will do it later, but as we all no later never comes lol

Ha!, might be an idea to introduce her to my estranged husband, look at my thread 'marriage woes', and see what he is like.

I am now working fulltime, infact I have been working full time for the last 2 months,I have always worked full time, but had a couple of lean months, yet I had to do everything, while he sat on his arris or go to the pub.

I used to get slighty envious, or shake my head in despair of some women who dont work, sit on the sofa all day watching soaps, dosnt lift a finger in the house, yet the husband comes home from work and does everything, my sil is like that.
And yet I get a selfish lazy so and so, there is no justice in the world.:mad:

cha97michelle

Children on their own can be exhausting. My littlest one is nearly two and my older boy is 3 1/2, and between the two of them they make a real mess and i spend all my time trying to contain it and make it tidier. Sometimes DH comes in from work and it might look like i have sat on my bum all day but i haven't. They explore. They get eggs out and drop them. They spill food all over when they eat, they go out and play in the sandpit and drag sand through the house.

All depends what job your wife does too. I went back to work after DS2 and found it extremely hard as i was having to do all of the kid related stuff, then when they finally went to bed i had preparation for work the next day often till midnight when i would collapse in bed exhausted before starting the whole thing again the next day at 6:30. DH had to take charge of cooking and washing up and we muddled through.

I am another who is thinking she might be on the edge of depression even if you don't think it too look at her. I have been suffering with it for the past year nearly diagnosed, and at my worst i was unable to do anything apart from the very essential kids stuff. Everything else backed up, and i am only just getting past that now.

The key thing really is for you to have a chat with your wife and see what her opinion is as people here can't really judge what is going on in your house.

It sounds like you are getting to your end point, and i would suggest that you talk to her and say you would prefer if you could have a bit more quality time with them both rather than this constant treadmill you seem to be on.

Life can be like that for us all, but it sounds like you need to get off it a bit and have a bit of a rest.