Real life MMD: Should I risk offending the bridesmaid?

Former_MSE_Penelope Former MSE Posts: 536 Forumite
edited 27 April 2010 at 8:37PM in MoneySaving polls
This is a real life MMD so please bear in mind the MoneySaver in question will read your responses:
Please give this MoneySaver the benefit of your advice...
Should I risk offending the bridesmaid?

I've a hen do in the summer, organised by the chief bridesmaid who I've never met. We've paid £30 for our hotel, but she didn't tell us we'd need to pay £50 in advance to book a cocktail making experience, a 2 course dinner & VIP entry to a club. It's pricey and we could get a better deal if we all booked directly ourselves. I can't afford to pay anything at the moment. Should I just say and risk offending her?
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  • lm07
    lm07 Forumite Posts: 370 Forumite
    edited 27 April 2010 at 10:55PM
    It is worth mentioning it (done something similar myself). You could just mention you had seen a deal online which could work out as a saving for everyone, send them the link and ask if they want to look into it. There's nothing wrong with saying you have a budget at the moment. If they ignore this, you could ask if she doesn't mind that you do your own booking?
  • trudij
    trudij Forumite Posts: 1,905
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    I agree with lm07 - but Id hope that the organiser would be open to saving money !!
    Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup
  • mr-tom_2
    mr-tom_2 Forumite Posts: 131 Forumite
    Or give the evening a miss.

    There's nothing wrong with telling the truth. They should have been open about the costs when they were asking you to sign up.
  • elliep_2
    elliep_2 Forumite Posts: 711
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Combo Breaker
    I'd be more worried about the bride than the chief bridesmaid. If you think the bride will be upset if you question the plans then don't do it unless you have to. If the bride will be happy with you trying to get the best deal you can, and just be glad that you're there at all, then don't worry what the bridesmaid thinks. Let her know about the cheaper deal and tell her that you plan to book it all the cheaper way.

    You don't have to go to the event at all. It does sound quite expensive and the bridesmaid was wrong not to tell you about all the costs before you decided whether or not you wanted to go. It's OK to decide that you actually don't want to go.
  • davetrousers
    davetrousers Forumite Posts: 5,862
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    I've noticed a trend that the person organising the stag hen night simply buys a package off the internet and then simply expects everyone they contact to gleefully throw money at them.

    I for example have declined the offer of playing 36 holes of golf as part of a package on the basic premise that I can't play golf!

    Yes it is the stag's/hen's night but don't feel overly pressured.

  • aliasojo
    aliasojo Forumite Posts: 23,053
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    I can't afford to pay anything at the moment. Should I just say and risk offending her?

    Would a person really be offended if they were told someone didn't realise they needed to pay a further £50 and just couldn't afford it so would either have to book themselves to save money or not go?

    If this bridesmaid was going to be offended by something like this then to hell with her, she's not the type of person whose feelings I would care too much about anyway tbh. I'd be making it clear I'd be joining in as much as my finances would allow.
    Herman - MP for all! :)
  • __TJ___2
    __TJ___2 Forumite Posts: 40 Forumite
    firstly as you dont know your bridemaid im assuming she is from his side of the family. ask her if you can meet up first and have a chat ( get to know you kind of thing) and express your excitement at the upcoming marriage to her relative. tell her you are looking forward to the hen night as a great time out with palls but some of them are on a budget - including yourself, so your freind X ( check with X that its ok to use her as a scapegoat) found this price online, isnt that great?
    what can she say? "no i want you to spend more money and do it my way?" she doesnt know you either as is probably just as wary and while you are worried about offending someone you have never met, she is worried about ruining the brides hen night. this is your wedding, hopefully you will only do it the once, and you should do it the best ( moneysaving ) way you can.
    congratulations on your impending wedding BTW
    took on Abbey, Barclays and woolwich and WON. starting new life in Canada! debt free from March 2013!!!
  • aliasojo
    aliasojo Forumite Posts: 23,053
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    _TJ_, I think you shoud re-read the first post. :) It's not the OP's wedding, she's just a guest.
    Herman - MP for all! :)
  • gaily
    gaily Forumite Posts: 190
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    I'd speak with the bride. I'm obviously close to her, or wouldn't be invited, as would be her chief bridesmaid.

    It may be that plans are far enough down the line that the Chief bridesmaid has already paid - and would lose - deposits on the current plans, so it may not be as easy as just changing the company.

    The bride would be able to advise on the bridesmaid's 'attitude to cash' even if she wasn't aware of the plans (it's becoming the norm to suprise the bride with the activities planned). Shucks - that's the cat out of the bag if she didn't know on this one!!!

    All you can do is chat through your concerns that you'd love to spend the time with them, but really can't afford £50, on top of the hotel (and drinks all evening to boot) - Suggest that you may know of a way to bring the cost down, and are they interested?

    The last hen do i went on was a weekend away in Edinburgh - where we stayed in the local youth hostel, and had an hour's pole dancing lesson - which someone found on a discount rate site. I however chose not to join in the 'rounds at the bar' as the first amount that went in the kitty was £30 per head - I wasn't drinking much as I had to drive home the following day (with the bride - so precious cargo!) and don't like being drunk in cities that I don't know! I think I spent about £12 on drinks all evening, the rest were up to about £45 in next to no time - don't ask me where it all went!

    Good luck with the hen do, enjoy some time with the hen before her big day - even if on a different date. Hope we manage to help your descision making.

    ....or use this site to find a way of making £50 before the money is due?:beer:
    Always on the hunt for a bargain. :rolleyes:

    Always grateful for any hints, tips or guidance as to where the best deals are:smileyhea
  • shellsuit
    shellsuit Forumite Posts: 24,749
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Photogenic Combo Breaker
    Be honest and tell them you didn't realise there would be more cash to pay out.

    A wedding is already expensive enough for some guests.

    Hen/Stag night
    Travel to wedding
    Drinks etc...

    I also think it's rude to organise something and rope people in, without telling them exactly what's what. This person should have known in advance that there was another £50 to pay, instead of now being made to feel awful.
    Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty...
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