Real life MMD: Should I risk offending the bridesmaid?

scottishlass

First of all I would contact other people I knew going on the Hen Do and see if anyne else felt the same. I would then, asssuming the hotel is already booked and not wanting to lose £30, let the chief bridemaid know that I couldn't afford the whole evening but would happily attend the meal/ or the night club etc and would be willing to arrange this myself etc.

Sooler

MSE_Penelope wrote: »

Should I just say and risk offending her?

yes - tell her you're not interested and she needs to realise it's not on imposing on people in such a way - it's a naff idea anyway that most people would prefer not to bother with, it would be more enjoyable for everyone just to be at the hotel.

elizabethhull

Excellent idea about the 'reply all' . What sort of planet do these people live on? My daughter has been invited to 3 weddings and the corresponding 3 hen nights this year. Her finances are modest to say the least. She has declined the weekend in the South of France (!!!), but is going to the other 2 which include a trip to Ascot (we live nearby so no overnight costs for her) and the meal out, but with restricted drinking. She is currently trying to work out how to make the same outfit work for all 3 weddings with different accessories, even though all 3 sets of friends will be at each other's weddings. Any friend worth the name should understand budgets are not unlimited. At her own hen party last year (same friends attending), it was all very low-key but enormous fun.

shellsuit

We actually changed our wedding venue from our first choice as we thought the drinks would be too expensive for the guests and we didn't expect them to get a taxi there and back home.

Sometimes you have to think of others, I know our wedding day is 'our' day, but what kind of day would it be if your guests are unhappy because they are skint?!

Just goes to show that there are people who are all 'me me me' and have no consideration for others.

Put it this way, I wouldn't care if it was my best mate who was getting married, if I couldn't afford it, I couldn't afford it and if it meant me and my family going without, it would be a huge NO thank you!

Uniscots97

Be honest, its the best way and you'll probably find you're not the only one...... It could be worse you could be the bride and have something organised for you including all the things you totally hate and be totally out of yours and the chief bridesmaids way and then be told they'll go ahead without you if you don't go!

p.s. the bridesmaid knew nothing about it!

metalgal

i had a sleepover with lots of alcohol at my mums for my hen night and it was the best night and it cost people the cost of their drink from the off license. I hate when people are forced to spend obscene amounts of money at hen and stag dos. its seems to have become a competition. A lot of the time its not a night any more its more like a weekend or week. If its a weekend i just say no. I am not afraid to say that it is far too much money.
The one time i have gave in to the expense was for my sister. She wanted afternoon tea at a fancy hotel which was £22 pp and then out for a meal then out dancing and drinking. As it was my sister i could hardly say no, but i got off lucky as i was pregnant at the time and couldn't drink but the day still cost me £80, plus then money for the stag do my husband went to, and he was drinking. Whats wrong with what i had? I felt that i was getting married not falling off the end of the earth and i could still go out with my friends when i got married but it would be harder to have the girly night in of dirty dancing chocolate face packs and homemade cocktails, so thats what i chose. As well as that because the night was so cheap loads of people could come as there wasn't that financial restriction.

G_M

Where's the dilemma? What's the problem?

You're being asked to pay for something you can't afford. Clearly then you're not going to pay. Say so.

gerbiljo

I think its easy for the bride/ groom to get carried away when it comes to their stag and hen nights. If you think sometimes u get two weddings in a year or more, you've gotta buy a present sometimes an outfit, get somewhere (travel), sometimes stay somewhere overnight plus some are in the week and you've got to book a day off work too!

My sister is often going abroad for these things and happy to payout so therefore she'd probably expect her guests to do the same if she were to get married and have a hen do. When I got married I literally had a meal out, pretty boring but there u go, I think if you are too demanding of your guests you just get hurt as not everyone can do it or wants to spend so much on someone else's day.

I think I'd just say I can't afford it or speak up about saving money, you can't expect people to pay over the odds. It's probably hard for the CBM as shes organising it and doesnt even know everyone so asking for money is hard, but you can't spring costs on people or people will pull out and that would be worse than just sourcing the night from a cheaper method!

Be honest!

awehla

I would ask your friend (the bride) what she thinks if the bridesmaid isn't open for money saving. Hopefully she would be open to saving money though. I think my friend is organising her own hen do because not all her friends know each other. It is difficult to know what to do when responding to something from someone you've never met and weddings can cause all kinds of emotional minefields from engagement to the big day for everyone involved. Some people think eloping is selfish but sometimes it can actually be a kinder option for everyone, lol.

As others have said you could just say you can't go and arrange something cheaper with the bride and your joint closest pals instead.

awehla

davetrousers wrote: »

I've noticed a trend that the person organising the stag hen night simply buys a package off the internet and then simply expects everyone they contact to gleefully throw money at them.

I for example have declined the offer of playing 36 holes of golf as part of a package on the basic premise that I can't play golf!

Yes it is the stag's/hen's night but don't feel overly pressured.

I can imagine that happens a lot these days. It's part of the deeper me me me culture that's developed over the last twenty years or so. People seem to forget weddings are inherently selfish especially these days when you don't have to get married to legimately have sex/children. Except for certain religious groups, they are exempt from my ramblings.