Baby sleeping help - at our wits end!

brians_daughter

Not read all the posts, but i could write the book! DS1 slept from being 3 weeks old (well 23 days old) and slept from 8 til 1 then a feed then back down til after 6. Now ds2 is/was the opposite and if i am being honest, it was quite a shock!

He is 17 months and we have just (fingers crossed) this past 6 weeks cracked it. He was in our room til about 8 weeks ago as he was up every hour, and that is no exaggeration. So we left him in our room until he started to sleep better, he never did...sometimes in his cot..sometimes we brought him into bed with us

I luckily/or unluckily, depending what way you look at it, became quite ill having numerous tests, hospital stays etc. Doc only let me home on strict instructions of bed rest, no gettin g up with ds2. So we moved him to his own room, immediately he slept better - not well, but better ie waking every 3 hours but was taking oh a good 20-25 mins everytime to settle him back down, but it was improvement. He is such a light sleeper we were disturbing him. If we walk upstairs we still rouse him now.

Through nothing but sheer exhaustion oh left him to cry in his own room, he was standing up stomping his feet shouting mum and dad but oh physically was/is drained after working ft, turning into my nurse and being both mum and dad for the kids.Anyway, we left him when he woke, just went to give him drink and dummy..every night he cried (or rather protested) BUT every night it got shorter and shorter. Now he wakes twice a night about 11.30 and 4am. We leave him, unless he protests for more than 5 mins, then go in give him his dummy and a blanket and off he goes (2 mins max). He has become very attached to this blanket tho and now wont go to sleep or in the car without it - but he is sleeping great

We/I was never a fan of leaving them to cry as it broke my heart and i thought how ds2 must think we had left him, but we had no choice really with our circumstances.

Funnily enough he now sleeps better in the day too, having 2 1hr sleeps which he never did beforehand. and he is so much happier in the day as he isnt tired.

It isnt for everyone, and i could never have imagined leaving him to cry, but as i say due to situation at the time we needed to.

I would deffo consider moving the eldest in with you and baby into the other room for a while and see if baby is a really light sleeper.

Good luck and hugs to anyone going through this, i know how exhausting it can be and how it can impact your relationships with dd/ds and oh as well.

Jo.G

I feel your pain OP, even though my DS1 is now 10yrs old!

My OH developed a tick in his eye and even went to see the optician thinking he needed glasses. Vision was fine, optician asked about home life and if there were any children awake half the night!

As others have said, consistency really is the most important thing. Agree a plan and both stick to it. It wont work if one of you is keeping to the agreed plan but the other gives in to the crying baby.

Our problem arose when he stoppped falling asleep on his last bottle and wasnt used to being put in the cot awake. That was easily overcome, leaving him to cry for a few minutes, going in lying him back down, leaving the room etc and within a week or so of him realising he wasnt going to be picked up and brought downstairs he just accepted defeat and went to sleep.

Waking in the night was much harder and yes sometimes he ended up in bed with us due to sheer exhaustion as we too both worked full time.
However we perserved. We wouldnt speak to him, just 'shhing' sounds, tried not to make eye contact. Sat at the side of the cot, sometimes with my hand through the bars so he would have some kind of contact. Many a night I'd fall asleep sat up!
He had a musical fish bowl and that was a fantastic help, unless he hadnt fallen back to sleep with the 7 minute cycle when I'd have to go back in and switch it on again. I've also been sat in the kitchen at 3am putting new batteries in the damn thing!
I knew evey creaking floorboard in his room and on the landing so I culd get back to bed without making any noise!
It will pass and in the scheme of things its only a short while in their lifetime although its no fun when its happening night after night and you still have to function as if you'd had a great 8 hours sleep.

I really didnt want my children to sleep in our bed long term and I thought if I went down that route it would only lead to problems later on (like the little girl on Extreme Parental). In my mind, I thought it would be harder to deal with later on the older they were.

But if co-sleeping works for you and your family, then do that, theres nothing wrong with it.

I'd start with putting her to sleep in her cot instead of leaving her downstairs. Could DS sleep at a relatives for a couple of nights so that he isnt disturbed? Maybe have a sleepover at Grandmas on Friday and Saturday night whilst you start your agreed plan?

Glam I also found that the more sleep DS1 had during the day the better he slept at night. He would have a good 2hrs in the morning then an hour in the afternoon.

DS2 was a completely different baby, although we did learn from our mistakes with DS1, ie holding him all day even when he was asleep!
He has never slept in our bed, even when I would try to get him to go back to sleep just to give me an extra half an hour on a saturday morning!

Good luck, there will be light (and a full nights sleep) at the end of the tunnel!

Glamazon

Jo - its getting him to stay asleep thats the problem! This morning he was wide awake at 6.30am then yawning 45mins later so I went back to bed with him and he slept til 9am.
I'm hoping to get him to have a 90minutes now and then another long nap this afternoon.

He used to sleep for 2hrs every morning and afternoon but since he's moving about more he wakes himself up.

I'm gonna sit down later and read through everythign and try to put a plan of action into place.

Spendless

angelicmary85 wrote: »

Did you guys see Extreme Parenting last night? There was a little girl on there (8 or 9 maybe?) who was still in mum's bed!! :eek:

Mum had to sit up until 6am trying to get the wee girl to bed...After seeing that, there's no way my DD or DS will ever be getting into my bed! :eek:

I said that after the sleep problems with my first and for 7 years it's worked. Then at the w/end our neighbours were burgled and guess what I've got a child refusing to sleep in her own bed....sometimes you just can't plan for these things. Last night she was found by her brother going to sleep on the landing ..how the landing is safer than her bedroom I've no idea.
Today the burglers will be caught by the police and put in prison :shhh: and my eldest will be [STRIKE]bribed[/STRIKE] told not to point out to his sister how long the legal process really is.

Good luck OP.

Jo.G

Hi Glam, I lurk on the parent thread and I think you are due to go back to work in a few weeks and J is going to a nursery.
You may find that J starts to sleep better then as he will have more of a routine during the day and be tired out through nursery and playing with the other babies. Going back to work may actually help with the problem as you are both kind of 'forced' into a daily routine 5 days a week. Fingers crossed this will happen for you.

DS2 was more of a cat napper, and if he had a full hour at any time of the day it was a long sleep, yet he still slept through at night. It's so true what people say about never getting two the same!

I think with all these methods, being consistent is the most important thing but its also the hardest!

By the way, Jack is a very good name choice!

gizmomum

Have just popped in for a quick visit and to catch up a bit. It's so good not to feel so alone in this as I was.
I did start trying to going into his room to shush him and then turning away and leaving slowly but he worked himself up into such a state that I couldn't carry it through.
Swapping bedtimes seems like a good idea scruffy....I wondered if maybe I was expecting DS to sleep too much for his age and it could just be that all DD needs is a quiet room to settle properly (how I dream of an 'easy' solution!!)
Thanks for all the hugs and best wishes, to be honest I think I would probably have left it drift on for longer but there is a very real danger to my relationship with my hubby and as I love him dearly I don't want that to happen

Glamazon, I hope your day goes well and that your little one has a couple of good sleeps, as much to give you some time as anything.

adviceforall

My 16 year old son was a terrible sleeper, waking hour after hour, he ended up in bed with us on more than one occasion out of sheer desperation to get some sleep..OH was no help, if he was awake when Ds woke he would come and wake me up to deal with him..

Now though......He struggles to get out of bed for school (i wake him at 8 and it takes several attempts to get him up and sorted).. In the school holidays he is rearely seen before lunch..so it does get better in the end..

Last couple of years i had my grandaughter over night several times a week and she began waking at 2am and refusing to go back to sleep, or would still be up at 12pm.. total nightmare as i have Rheumatoid arthritis and suffer from severe fatigue most of the time.. now at 4yrs goes to bed good as gold at 7.45pm ( in time for eastenders lol) and sleeps round to between 7 and 8 am..

JAM1376

Jojo.B, this is exactly what we have done. C is in her cot next to our bed with the side off. I still feed her to sleep many times a night (more comfort nursing than food) and now, after two months of her being there, she is just starting to drop off me and turn her head away to go to sleep. She has also gone to sleep twice in the night with me just rubbing her chest.

I would rather deal with a toddler who understands a little bit than a screaming baby who you can't explain to. Will be trying something like Curious George described when she gets to 12/18 months if she has not started to sleep better by herself.

No advice for the OP, just another set of parents having the same problems - you are by no means alone and everyone finds their own way of dealing with it. Good luck to everyone

ETA (C woke - had to go) during my discussions about this with my Mum, she pointed out that in her day, kids didn't have the luxury of their own room. They had to share rooms if not beds with their siblings/parents/grandparents (she shared with her grandma, her twin sisters shared and her bro had his own room) and you don't see many of her generation still sharing with their parents lol xxx

angelfairy

hi all,

OP, i too sympathise with your situation. my 13 month still isn't sleeping through the night. i have made progress the last three nights in getting her to go off in her cot, on her own with her bottle, but i still have to be sat on the end of the bed so she can see me.

we have numerous night wakings, although now i do not need to feed her as much through the night as she wont take the bottle until 4am-6am.

i too am suffering myself health wise, but feel a failure, but keep trying to find a solution.

LO now has a cold which doesn't help as she has a runny nose and sneezes and wakes herself up. If she is any better when i get in from work, i'm thinking of sleeping out of the room (as she is still in with me) and see if that makes any difference as she is light sleeper and i think sometimes she comes to when i must move about in my sleep.

it is really comforting to read of other peoples' situations/explainations/ideas so thanks
x

jinky67

angelfairy wrote: »

hi all,

OP, i too sympathise with your situation. my 13 month still isn't sleeping through the night. i have made progress the last three nights in getting her to go off in her cot, on her own with her bottle, but i still have to be sat on the end of the bed so she can see me.

we have numerous night wakings, although now i do not need to feed her as much through the night as she wont take the bottle until 4am-6am.

i too am suffering myself health wise, but feel a failure, but keep trying to find a solution.

LO now has a cold which doesn't help as she has a runny nose and sneezes and wakes herself up. If she is any better when i get in from work, i'm thinking of sleeping out of the room (as she is still in with me) and see if that makes any difference as she is light sleeper and i think sometimes she comes to when i must move about in my sleep.

it is really comforting to read of other peoples' situations/explainations/ideas so thanks
x

At that age she should not be needing fed throughout the night, I wouldnt have thought