Baby sleeping help - at our wits end!

heretolearn_2

Oh you poor things!

There are loads of ways to approach sleep problems, and actually, I think most of them work. The problem is with not sticking to one solution for long enough, and with 100% determination. If you keep switching rules/locations/who deals with it etc, the kids don't get the message that THIS is how things are now, and settle down to it.

I could never resist a heart-breaking cry either so I do understand it's easier said than done, but sometimes you do have to just let them cry. You know they are dry, fed, warm, ok, they just want to be with you. It's nice that they want to be with you, but not ok because lack-of-sleep turns you into frazzled bad-tempered zombie parents, which in turn makes the kids more clingy, which makes it worse, and it just goes on and on...

This needs to stop. Don't feel guilty about being firm now they are not tiny babies any more (especially with your son).

My suggestion would be to move the best sleeper into your bedroom, so that you are not being too disturbed there. Then take it in turns per night, so you are on daughter duty one night, and your husband the next night, then you'll each get a decent night's sleep every other night. This will do wonders for how you feel! Your son should be firmly encouraged to settle down and sleep as he normally does, and just returned to his own bed if he wakes in the night, assuming he doesn't need changing or anything. And pretty much ignored no matter what he does...it's hard, it takes a few hellish nights sometimes, but by this age, it works. Don't talk to him, don't pick him up, don't look at him, just lay him back down say 'sleep time' and go back to bed yourself. Then ignore him crying for, say 10 minutes, then do the above again. Honestly, in a week you'll have it cracked and he should sleep through no problem and you'll get your every other night of loooovely sleep.

In the meantime, whoever is on duty can see to your daughter. she's still young, but being in a quiet room on her own might do a lot to get her into a normal sleep pattern. Do the same tactic on her as well once she's in bed.

I should say try and get her to go to sleep in her room but I know that can be hard. But I was one of those 'carry them asleep upstairs and sliiiiiip them into their cot' mums as well, just saved a lot of hassle when they are little.

Wait till they're 4. Then the 'I just want a drink of water/want another story/need a wee/need to tell you something/hurt my toe/blah blah blah stuff starts. My son was an expert at that stuff!

gizmomum

Blimey......I would never have thought of approaching it like that but it makes perfect sense, you're a genius! I know that consistency is the biggest problem and you just need to be firm and determined but would never have thought of the swapping locations thing.
I've got to log off for a bit now but wanted to say thankyou. I'll be logging on again a bit later and rereading this for inspiration

Spendless

gizmomum wrote: »

so is it a girl thing then

No. I've got a 10yo boy who still thinks sleep is an optional extra! It's one thing I'm looking forward to about the teenage years..perhaps he'll sleep more! He used to throw up after crying, and I never worked out how i could clean him up whilst trying to get him to sleep. Since my next door neighbours were burgled at the w/end I've also a 7yo that says she's too scared to go to sleep!
I'd agree with going with something that would suit you and your family and sticking to it.

angelicmary85

Did you guys see Extreme Parenting last night? There was a little girl on there (8 or 9 maybe?) who was still in mum's bed!! :eek:

Mum had to sit up until 6am trying to get the wee girl to bed...After seeing that, there's no way my DD or DS will ever be getting into my bed! :eek:

thatgirlsam

could you try music or a story tape/cd , my dd used to happily lie upstairs listening to the(quiet) radio when she was a baby .. i got worried when she was about 18 months and thought the news stories might upset her so switched to lullaby or story CDs !

is she sleeping in the afternoons, maybe she is not tired anough for sleep when she is going down , i know she is only a baby and its really hard keeping them awake but maybe if she is sleeping late afternoon or early evening she is just not ready for bed

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

DD2's best friend is 11 and still demands to sleep with her mum & dad - her little sister went and took over her unused bed at 1 year old as she had never been in it.

DD2's best friend apparently says she wants her father to die as he has begun to put his foot down and say she can't sleep between him and his wife any more - I feel sorry for him that he has had to put up with it for so long - especially as, being 11 means that her physical development must be making it very awkward for him.

You have to set a point beyond which you won't go. They never thought they would be putting him in an inappropriate situation 10 years ago, but they gave in for a quiet life a few times too many.

bex2010

You have my sympathies - sleep depravation is the worst thing ever. A form of torture in my opinion!!

As an alternative solution to your sleeping arrnagements, would it be possible for you and your OH to sleep downstairs for a bit, maybe on an air bed or similar thereby giving the children rooms of their own? You can then start having strict bed times and bed time routines. (We do book - bottle - bed). (plus the crying does't sound nearly so terrible when there's a set of stairs and a shut door between you)

Some sort of comforter might also be a good idea, all my girls have had something that they can't sleep without - although it might well take awhile for the attachment to form (if you do go down this route whatever your dd becomes attached to make sure you can buy a couple of spares in case you lose one / need to wash it etc).

There's lots of good advice on here already really so I won't keep repeating. But whatever you do be consistent and don't give up - just think it could take a week of hell but could mean 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep thereafter. Good luck.

spongebabs

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

DD2's best friend is 11 and still demands to sleep with her mum & dad - her little sister went and took over her unused bed at 1 year old as she had never been in it.

DD2's best friend apparently says she wants her father to die as he has begun to put his foot down and say she can't sleep between him and his wife any more - I feel sorry for him that he has had to put up with it for so long - especially as, being 11 means that her physical development must be making it very awkward for him.

You have to set a point beyond which you won't go. They never thought they would be putting him in an inappropriate situation 10 years ago, but they gave in for a quiet life a few times too many.

that's awful

Nothing really helpful to suggest to the op, apart from the baby whisperer books, I used them for my DD and she's now 3 and sleeps from 6.30pm til 7.30am with little or no trouble, although she was a !!!!!! to settle for a long time!

M_A_R_I_E

Great advice Bex.

And yes children do end up in their parents bed for a long time ... I know a 12 year old boy who never slept in his own bed - his mum and dad are now divorced!

Glamazon

jinky67 wrote: »

My DD was like that as well, she had major screaming fits almost to the point of being sick

Her Dad couldnt stand it, so he brought her into the bed where she promptly fell asleep:rotfl:

She was in our bed till she was three:eek::eek:

I blame OH as he hates to hear him cry so always picked him up and now moans that he wants attention all the time :cool:

I don't mind him coming into our bed from around 4am so I've at least had 5 hours sleep - but I get pinned in the middle with OH's heaving breathing in one ear and baby spread-eagled the other side!

I agree with heretoleanr - it's all about consistency and this is something I need to seriously work on. At least I know when I go back to work in a few weeks he'll have more of a routine!