Its a wonderful life... Want to try.....?? A Single parents View.. !!xx!

Chrysalis

black-saturn wrote:

They do it by saving. I might be on an income of around £600 a month but I've still managed to save up for 2 years to take my whole family to Egypt for a week. Took me ages though :rolleyes:

Thats the point, if the income really is so low, you cant save.

£600 a month compared to say £180 a month.

Sarahsaver

Edited my post Becles;)

msmicawber

I've just read this thread from the beginning and how very depressing it is.

It is very difficult being a lone parent as there are so many things one is trying to do at once, and fighting bias is just one more thing. All parents whether lone or couples have to balance providing physical support - home, food, clothes, etc. - with moral support - help with homework, life skills, love, time, etc. When there is just one of you it is necessarily harder.

I've spent a few weeks on IS and hated it. Luckily found a full-time job, but pay was low, so had to top up with benefits to assist in paying rent, child care etc. and hated being treated as a scrounger. My children were very small at the time and found being in full-time child care exhausting. My young son, particularly, found only seeing me for about 1.5 hours per day very distressing and he became very insecure and clingy. Daughter needed help with homework/reading, but was too tired by the time we'd got home and eaten for me to help her. Searched and searched for a school-hours-only job and luckily found one, so am still topped up with benefits because it's not a very well paid job. Promotions are difficult when working part-time and, because school-hours only jobs are in such high demand, it keeps the wages low.

However, my children now have the time, support and attention that they need from their mother, do very well at school and are secure and happy (despite not having the latest gadget/designer gear. Those who bash SAHM who don't take a job that would make them worse off or, like me, just about break even, should bear in mind that if parents don't spend time with their children because they're out working long hours, their children don't get the encouragement and guidance they need. The long-term effects of this can be all sorts of things including low self-esteem, substance abuse, criminality, etc. which cost the tax payer more than paying either benefit top-ups for low-paid or part-time work, or full benefits for those parents who stay at home full-time. I'm constantly seeing crap in the papers about what more teachers should be doing to equip children with life skills, sexual health information, counselling, etc. which I believe is and should be the parents' job.

I noticed that a couple of people mentioned choosing not to have children and felt entitled to the moral high ground because of that. Well, we are having fewer children in the West these days which is causing a pensions crisis. I would remind you that when we are old it will be my children who, having been loved, encouraged and supported, will be in good jobs, paying tax and paying your pensions.

We're not all Vicky Pollards and I'm tired of being portrayed as such. I'm a hard-working, thinking woman who is trying to be a good mother, good employee, good citizen, good part-time student, good tenant, good MSEer, etc. etc. and I'm very tired.

wigginsmum

msmicawber wrote:

I noticed that a couple of people mentioned choosing not to have children and felt entitled to the moral high ground because of that. Well, we are having fewer children in the West these days which is causing a pensions crisis. I would remind you that when we are old it will be my children who, having been loved, encouraged and supported, will be in good jobs, paying tax and paying your pensions.

Actually, while your last sentence is all well and good, by the time I retire in 25-30 years I doubt there'll be a State pension at all, just my company pension that I pay into now out of my salary and which will presumably buy me an annuity when my turn comes. All my tax that pays benefits and older peoples' pensions now won't help me because the State pension will no longer exist as a concept and it won't be reciprocated when it's our turn. I suspect we'll be the first generation retiring who won't have that State pension top-up; we'll lose out yet again. I also wouldn't be surprised if the NHS is long gone too and people are forced to pay for private insurance as in the USA. But that's another discussion.

Anthillmob

liney wrote:

Being a single parent is one of the hardest jobs i can imagine,

as is being a parent when you have a partner.

why is it single parents have the hardest job in the world? all parents do, especially first time parents

krisskross

Do none of the single parents on this thread have any help from the other parent? There is never any mention of the other parent and any input they have into their children's lives.

From other ongoing threads I see fathers absolutely desperate to be a part of their childrens lives, but not allowed by the mothers, or access made very difficult.

Firefly

Being a single parent has rewards as well as its difficulties. Its a role I've held for nearly 8 yrs. Prior to that I had a reasonable lifestyle with a 'rob peter pay paul' way of managing income. My ex had a job that paid a bonus every six months so we would stack up the credit cards then pay them off. This was of course in the days before I was a MSE fan.

One day (or should I say very early one morning) he left. Full stop. End of. I was shellshocked and gobsmacked and didn't know what to do. Having three children meant that I had to do something to keep us all alive and it turned out that income support wasn't an option because I had a mortgage that needed paying and I only worked for 5hrs a week. Family Credit was however and I quickly got another part time job to fit in with school, leaving my eldest two to take responsibility for collecting the youngest from school. I didn't like this arrangement but was left with no option.

As the weeks went by, as we were all coping with the trauma and destruction left in the wake of my sham of a marriage, I struggled to cope with the emotional impact the departure had left, both for myself and for the children. It slowly began to emerge that Ex had no intention of either returning or supporting us and as the days went by I found he'd taken out a joint 6.5k loan, not as he'd told me to do the renovations on the house, but to find his new lifestyle. I ignored this debt believing he would pay.

Months later I was aware of the full extent of our disastrous financial situation and had to grit my teeth to try and repair the damage. It was clear that as ex wasn't going to help towards food on the table or roof over the childrens heads, I would have to. I got myself a regular job for four days a week. Soon, Family Credit which was reliable and regular was replaced by WTC and CTC and although I was led to believe I would be better off, and was for a while, this was soon whipped from under my feet as I'd been overpaid. To compensate I upped my days work to five.

As a low income family I was entitled to free learning via the Open University and I worked evenings studying to get myself some decent qualifications and to make something of my CV. Fortunately all the voluntary positions I had held during my stay-at-home-mum-time had paid off, as had a return to work course I had taken. My daughter started university knowing she would have to fund it all by herself with only my emotional support but none financial. The dear CSA decided that as ex had gone to Dubai, they couldn't do anything to get me any maintenance but in my favour the divorce judge gave me the house.

Life had been hard and I've scrimped and saved to pay back my (our) debt, pay my mortgage on time and feed my family. I've managed to get a renovation grant from the council to pay for essential repairs, am half way to a degree from the OU, have a full time proper job in a very good organisation who understand my priorities sometimes have to be with my family. My daughter achieved a first, and my boys are just as much a credit to my determination support and care. I haven't had family nearby to help unfortunately but I have had some brilliant friends who I couldn't manage without. My other saving grace has been access to the internet. During endless months when going out isn't an option it's been my window to the world; I've even grown my own in-house tech support in the form of eldest son!

I've become more confident, certainly more informed, more capable and independent. I've done the round of sleepless nights, I've fixed a leaking roof, I've done every parents evening and sports day on my own and can stand on my own two feet. Benefits were not really an option and I'm so glad they weren't. My children have had to work hard too along side me, and not always do the things they want to do, but they've benefitted really and both know that they can always rely on mum.

Recently I've got to the stage where I'd quite like to share a little bit of my life with someone because I've got a lot to offer but I doubt I will ever change my 'single parent' status - I wouldn't give up my freedom for anything!

black-saturn

krisskross wrote:

Do none of the single parents on this thread have any help from the other parent? There is never any mention of the other parent and any input they have into their children's lives.

From other ongoing threads I see fathers absolutely desperate to be a part of their childrens lives, but not allowed by the mothers, or access made very difficult.

I think that was explained further back in the thread. There are fathers who are desperate to see their children but there are also fathers who have made a right hash up of it. My childrens father threatened to kill them and then left them in a field in the middle of nowhere. They obviously didnt want to see him after that. But he still by law pays the CSA £75 per week but I wish he didnt have to.

Anthillmob

shall i reapeat what i said by shouting?

whilst i find loads on messages on here heartbreaking it isnt just single parents who scrimp and save an struggle.

parenting full stop - the hardest job in the world. single or not.

if youre single and disagree then my heart bleeds it really does.

pandas66

yeaaaay to Firefly.........:T :T :T :T