child access

emsywoo123

Bubby wrote: »

I think this is extremely unfair, his partner took him back after an affair and is not objecting to him spending time with a child who was a result of this affair (for which I applaud her) but she is insisting that he doesn't spend time with the woman he had an affair with.
There is no "choice", he simply needs to consult a solicitor and arrange supervised access in a contact centre to begin with (if he is a stranger to the child) and then take it from there and eventually she will be able to spend time with him and his partner. This *ex* is simply trying to control the situation to spite the partner - how petty and in the process she is damaging her child:(

totally totally unfair, this part that I have highlighted. :mad:

Magpie.

When my ex and I split 2 years ago he went 8 months without seeing our 3 year old. He also paid no maintenance, although you say this is irrelevant I totally disagree, it shows a sense of responsibility towards your child. After this time he contacted me to see her. I let him see her, supervised by me for one hour a week in a public place (usually a park) Reason being he was a stranger to her and they needed to rebuild their relationship and rebuild my trust.
After 2 or 3 months I allowed him to take her on his own for an hour one week, one hand a half the next until it built up to him taking her for 3 or 4 hours on his own. He then stopped seeing her again and it's been a year again so IF I agreed to access again in the future things would go right back to the way they were then.

I think the best thing you can do is ask the ex for a similar sort of arrangement. I agree that you should not take the child on your own the first few times and I think any court would agree with this.

If she has contacted you then I would say she wants you to have a relationship with your child but you all need to accept that there is alot of ground work to be done before things become 'normal' in the way of access

cheepskate_2

I totally agree the child must come first.BUT it is not the child comming first here, but the ex (child's mother) who is just controlling.
She doesn't seem to be acting in the best interest of the child but more of as a spurned partner with the poor child as the pawn.

If you give in now and give up your partner, what next... each time you have a new long term partner does she do the same.

You have to step back and have the 2 bits of your life seperated.

Access to your child should not rely on what partner you have(normally).

I would agree that this goes to court to sort it out, as you are not going to sort it out with this mother.

Just on a side note, I think your partner is one helluva woman, I personaly would not be so approchable.

LJM

could you both contact social services and ask if there is anyone available to sit with you like supervised access your ex may feel a bit more comfortable with this option and you get to take out your child and not have to stay at your ex's house.plus it wouldn't have to go through the court which may upset your child also as well as everyone else invovled

username999_2

Money_maker wrote: »

If you want to take the opportunity to have a relationship with your child then you must play ball with your ex. Explain the situation to your current partner. At the end of the day, she must either understand your position and back you up or clear off - your relationship with your child is more important.

Yes, your ex is being difficult, but the one who is causing waves is your partner so basically its either her or your child. I cant believe someone who is supposed to care for you could put you in this position - suggest you reassess your relationship.

my current partner isn't the 1 causing the waves, yes she does not want me to be with my ex, i understand that, there's more to this that Ive said ,
my ex has nearly always made it hard where my partner has always tried to be there for me,
as for playing ball with my ex, i cant just ask her how high i should jump, then when she feels like it, take the ball home, i hope you understand that side, because thats what she's done in the past.
All i want is to pick my child up, take her home to be with me for a while.

username999_2

emsywoo123 wrote: »

totally totally unfair, this part that I have highlighted. :mad:

to be honest, she has tried to break us up again,

cheepskate wrote: »

I totally agree the child must come first.BUT it is not the child comming first here, but the ex (child's mother) who is just controlling.
She doesn't seem to be acting in the best interest of the child but more of as a spurned partner with the poor child as the pawn.

I'm not sure she uses our child as a pawn, don't think so anyway, but she has used other means to break us up

cheepskate wrote: »

Just on a side note, I think your partner is one helluva woman, I personaly would not be so approchable.

yes she is

RAS

How old is the child?

username999_2

RAS wrote: »

How old is the child?

3 in october

laurenjs88

emsywoo123 wrote: »

totally totally unfair, this part that I have highlighted. :mad:

I agree with Emsy actually, The only bad person in this scenario is you OP.

Why should your ex let you as a stranger take the baby away from her? And why should she be forced to leave her baby with complete strangers with no training etc... so that you can spend time with a child you dont know away from her to keep your partner happy!

Your relationship with your partner is of absolutley no concern of hers.

Its great you are standing by your child & i appreciate you are in a very tricky situation, but what the PWC is asking for is completley acceptable.

You've made your bed...

username999_2

laurenjs88 wrote: »

I agree with Emsy actually, The only bad person in this scenario is you OP.

Why should your ex let you as a stranger take the baby away from her? And why should she be forced to leave her baby with complete strangers with no training etc... so that you can spend time with a child you dont know away from her to keep your partner happy!

Your relationship with your partner is of absolutley no concern of hers.

Its great you are standing by your child & i appreciate you are in a very tricky situation, but what the PWC is asking for is completley acceptable.

You've made your bed...

i did open up this thread saying i was a wrong un,
the 2 innocent people in this is my partner and child,
both myself and ex did wrong,
it looks like i may try the "NYAS or New Pathways" as mentioned earlier