Learning to live my dreams not trample on them

savingholmes

gilligansyle wrote: »

Lots of spending going on at the moment sh!..... .

I agree it's like phew we've paid our debts off - now I want to SPEND SPEND SPEND but I still can't afford to do that...:o I did go a little mad but am now telling myself I have enough clothes now -:money: unless they stop fitting me after I lose another stone or two - the ones I've got should see me right for my holiday and beyond. I have been trying to buy stuff in size 12 or 14 only now so should hopefully continue to fit - I'll just look slimmer in them. The only thing I might still need before my holiday is a new swimsuit or bikini - but will buy it just before I go I think to make sure its the right size for whatever size I am in by then...

I went to a brand new TK Maxx today and didn't spend anything so felt virtuous. :money:OH took some stuff back to B&Q and swapped if for Shed roofing felt and ending up with a £2 credit note....

gilligansyle wrote: »

Question is .... would he be able to any better if he managed the finances? Probably not.

We've always done far worse when he's managed the money. I objected to the gloating :mad: - especially as he has been encouraging me to spend money - particularly on new clothes to suit my new thinner shape!

We were going to go swimming at the gym but got the times mixed up and got there just as they were shutting:o so promised the kids we will go tomorrow instead. I took the kids for a walk to the park and for a walk around there so reckon I've walked 2-3 miles today which is good. OH mowed the lawns while we were out.

I think that this year has been so different for all of us - with my illness at the start of the year, my continuing nerve pain, my insomnia and my impending operation - my priorities have shifted and what I'm prepared to put up with has also changed and the rest of the family are still running trying to catch up with the new me (for good or bad) :cool: My OH is trying to adapt but we're not quite there yet... I think he is improving and at least he cares enough to try but there have been times recently when he's made me so mad :mad: and last night was one of them

I roped DD into helping me sort out the clothes earlier. I still have a mountain of mismatched socks to sort. If once I've finished doing the washing I still have loads left I am going to bin them.

I also got DS to iron all his clothes yesterday - I said they would fit him better if he did :rotfl:but actually I am hoping it motivates him to put them away tidily. You can now walk across the floor of his room but he still hasn't finished sorting his room out.

Still struggling to sleep - took 3 x 2mg valium last night before I got to sleep - but at least on these I could get up if I wanted to. I do feel less wired which is nice - but still had plenty of energy for my walk. I would happily do it again - perhaps I should get my OH to go out with me and leave DS looking after DD. If we did, I would be tempted to get her in bed first so she didn't know we were out:p

bevan840

Hi SH

I'm sorta back lol I come, I post, then disappear for a bit I'm always popping in to lurk though

Things are getting better slowly, I've put everything on mine a few weeks ago, must update it again really! lol

I think OH's have a little button in their brains to do exactly that, annoy us and make fun of us when we get things wrong, forgetting that if it was in reverse there would be no end of mistakes. I finally found out why DH won't take over to give me a break from it, because he knows he'll mess it up and he doesn't want to be back where we used to be, but then also gives me a 'look' if I ever say we need to reign things in a bit!! Men! lol

Hope you managed to get out with OH

savingholmes

Hi Bevan - thanks for posting again. We didn't get out but we did have a heart to heart where I told him all the morbid fears rolling round my head re the operation, ie what if I never wake up etc and kind of explained where I'm really at rather than this "face" I am putting on to the world at the moment... Hopefully he will start to get the message. He said he hadn't intentionally been gloating, that I was just oversensitive... hmm....

Well today we went swimming and then had to go to Mr Ts as my sis and her hubby called for her birthday tea. So we had a lovely nosh up and chat. Hope they enjoyed it. OH had to go out for a couple of hours for music practice but got BIL to put DD to bed which made a nice change... My sis gave us a £12 off a voucher to use at Mr Ts which was nice...

I don't know whether it is the tablets or what but I'm craving sweet stuff again. I'm going with it for now and just hoping I get back on track diet wise when I am back at work Tuesday. I managed to do download a load of photos from a couple of phones which was nice... DS found the cable for my old phone so I was able to empty it of old photos for DD so she could have fun taking lots of pictures herself...

The house is looking reasonably respectable, I've cleared up most of the stuff from my sisters visit and DS has sorted most of his room. The hallway is now looking fab altho I still want to sort out the coats cupboard. I still need to do the utility and my study. I was talking about it with BZ today, I think I want to get straight ready for the op and then if I need help I won't be embarassed having people in my house etc, and everything will have a place and it will be a bit easier to explain where everything is....

savingholmes

Well I think I may have actually slept last night - from about 1.30 instead of 5.... I woke up without an alarm for about 10.30am just in time to of missed church LOL. Really pleased tho as that means I have a chance of getting to sleep and getting to work on time from Tuesday. It took 4 valium tho!

I had to get an emergency prescription for my painkillers last night - one chemist refused to give it me - and made me feel like a criminal - the second chemist gave me 5 days supply just from looking at my last medicine box. What's that about?! At least I got some.

DS has just mopped downstairs and we had a healthy lunch and now he's gone off to a party and DD has gone to a friend's to play. In the spirit of tidier living I also got him to unpack the dishwasher so I could repack it so I should be able to switch it on before I go out. I am leaving OH home alone to wait for them to return while I go off to my favourite NT property for some peace. I am reading a book at the moment called "get off your but" which is all about "ending self-sabotage" and getting the best out of life... I am really enjoying it - but it sets exercises which I would rather do alone, in my journal, in relative peace and quiet. I still also have loads of energy (just less frenetic than before) so also want a long walk as I think exercise is contributing to my ability or otherwise to sleep.

I bought some really comfortable shoes from Clarks which I feel I can walk for ages in - however the sandals I bought would be comfortable but the thread they used seems to be scratchy and has made one of my toes bleed which is a shame....

gilligansyle

Glad things are getting better on the sleeping front. Can understand what you feel about getting the house tidy before the op. My Nan was an old fashioned lady who always tidied ' as if the Queen was coming to visit' - not a chance of that here, but would like to get the house to a certain standard.

savingholmes

Hi Gill - hope you've had a lovely day....

I've had a nice day. For lunch we had one of the M&S chicken lime, ginger and coriander from the dine in for £10 deals I bought a few weeks ago. Had some lovely mash potato and salad with it... DS then went to a friend's birthday and DD to a different friend's house. She is a very sociable creature - and adores playing with friends her own age and is unhappy if that doesn't happen (and lets you know about it)! Luckily they've invited her to go out with them again tomorrow which should be good too.

I went to my favourite national trust property and wrote in my journal for an hour, before walking around the deer park for an hour and half. I took loads of photos and even some video of the deer. I'm now having sugar free jelly, mandarin oranges, mango, grapes and strawberries with squirty cream and a smidge of icecream... DD has asked me to help her make some lovely chocolate fudge cupcakes after (138 calories each) hmmmm - so of course I said yes... Looking forward to it already!!

OH doesn't seem to have done anything today. It looks like he just sat on his bum and played computer games which to me just seems a massive waste of a gorgeous day! I am so glad I got out!!

savingholmes

Well we made the cakes and even tho we missed out the water - it still tastes yummy and is calling me for another one.... Need to avoid giving in tho if I can....:o think I've put on weight this week with all my snacking! :eek::eek:

Was pleased with the walk I did today... Thinking about trying to walk to work too - esp on the days when DS picks up DD. OH has started talking about possibly going back to the gym - if he does then that will be a great result from getting him to go swimming with us yesterday.;) I managed 10 lengths yesterday - using the float to rest my arms...:p Hopefully one way or another I can start to build regular exercise into my day....

I don't know where all the energy is coming from - but I seem to have oodles of it! Which is one of the few positives - but I need to cling on to it....

clearmydebts

savingholmes wrote: »

Well we made the cakes and even tho we missed out the water - it still tastes yummy and is calling me for another one.... Need to avoid giving in tho if I can....:o think I've put on weight this week with all my snacking! :eek::eek:

Was pleased with the walk I did today... Thinking about trying to walk to work too - esp on the days when DS picks up DD. OH has started talking about possibly going back to the gym - if he does then that will be a great result from getting him to go swimming with us yesterday.;) I managed 10 lengths yesterday - using the float to rest my arms...:p Hopefully one way or another I can start to build regular exercise into my day....

I don't know where all the energy is coming from - but I seem to have oodles of it! Which is one of the few positives - but I need to cling on to it....

Hi SavingH,

Walking sounds like a great idea. I walk everywhere and it really keeps me trim, plus I enjoy it. It's great that you have so much energy - long may it last!

Yum yum to the cakes!

milann

Hi SH - it is completely understandable you wanting to get things sorted before your op. My 1st op was an emergency and oh and ds did their best when I was in (as well as working full time and visiting and worrying about me for 6 weeks LOL), but it wasn't to my standard. I found myself sitting and spotting everything that was a mess as I was recovering and unable to do things myself and it really got me down. I know it was unreasonable and not the most important thing in life, I think it was more the fact I COULDN'T do anything about it. When I went back for further surgery about a year later - I made sure EVERYTHING was tip top and the freezer was full before I went in - that was much better and I felt I had 'done my bit' - if that makes sense.

Please be careful though - you have worked so very hard getting debt free, would it be worth you keeping a spending diary for a short time as you adjust to your new disposable income. It could be very easy to have them creeping up slowly again. It is my fear as I am getting close to becoming df. (please don't think I'm being rude or speaking out of turn - more a virtual frind showing concern !!!!)

Your weightloss is doing great - it will make the surgery and recovery easier too

The weather has been fantastic, bet the walks have been lovely

Milann

savingholmes

clearmydebts wrote: »

Walking sounds like a great idea.... It's great that you have so much energy - long may it last!

:THi CMD and Milann - thanks for taking the time out to encourage me - it really is nice having friends online to help motivate you and give you a nudge in the right direction when you are tempted to stray!:A

I'm planning to walk into town with DS and possibly OH to take the stuff back (that will also make it harder to buy new things). I am however thinking of buying DS some trousers and a pair of shorts (to the same value as what I am taking back) as he has grown out of most of his stuff both up and out and he is going away on a camp soon and then away with us so he definitely needs them. I did take £12 worth of stuff back to Next yesterday without respending it...

milann wrote: »

Hi SH - it is completely understandable you wanting to get things sorted before your op. My 1st op was an emergency...... I found myself sitting and spotting everything that was a mess as I was recovering and unable to do things myself and it really got me down......

When I went back for further surgery about a year later - I made sure EVERYTHING was tip top and the freezer was full before I went in - that was much better

Milann - I think you've summed it perfectly - It would really annoy me if the place was a mess and I couldn't do anything to fix it. I also want to eat what I want to eat - and the chances of them cooking it right are slim! So I'm planning to fill the freezer with stuff I want that's easily reheatable but including things I really love like a nice cottage pie.

milann wrote: »

Please be careful though - you have worked so very hard getting debt free, would it be worth you keeping a spending diary for a short time as you adjust to your new disposable income. It could be very easy to have them creeping up slowly again.

Milann - you are absolutely right to be concerned. I think I went a bit manic spending money here there and everywhere. A lot of our original debts happened when I was unwell / depressed / grieving / angry with OH for lack of support - and as you can imagine being in chronic pain a lot of the time is giving me those same feelings - plus the same desire to escape from them thro retail therapy - which of course I can't afford and makes me feel worse - so I need more retail therapy.... and the cycle goes on.

At least I've realised what I'm doing now. :cool: I slept brilliantly last night from about 1am - and got up easily at 10am and had a good breakfast. :j That was great - as I woke up at 7am, 8am and finally 10am before I got up - which means I should be able to get to work okay this week unlike the week before my holiday. :j The internet was off tho and everybody was crabby :mad: so I took my painkillers and went back to bed until 2pm!! But I had a deep sleep which is just what I needed.:j

I know taking valium is also scary because of the addiction risk - but that has helped calm down the urge to spend too! I'm starting to eat healthier again the last couple of days - tucking into strawberries, grapes and banana even as we speak. Yummy!:) I am also reading positive thinking books too which will hopefully put the brakes on and stop me going downhill and may even help me make progress uphill too! The one I was reading yesterday "Get off your but" was really positive and made me want to investigate what training and development I can do to pursue my dreams further.:A

When I took this job - it was because I felt it would be excellent training and development towards a career as a life coach - which more recently with the workshops I've been doing it has been. :j It was always my intention to take on private clients at evenings and weekends and gradually build up a business that way (my severe anaemia and then chronic pain has got in the way of that). With my new found energy I am really hopeful that after my operation I will be able to do that.:) I am definitely going to invest in more positive thinking books too (but will try and play on free bingo sites to get the amazon vouchers to pay for them LOL).:money: I think with my recent weight loss too - I will feel less of a fraud in coaching anyone else with weight issues etc too.... and the same for anyone with money issues - if I can get on top of my stuff - anyone can!:cool:

milann wrote: »

Your weightloss is doing great - it will make the surgery and recovery easier too The weather has been fantastic, bet the walks have been lovely

The walks have been fab and I have taken loads of photos of the landscape so I can look at them when I feel stressed. The weather has totally been on my side recently and I am so grateful as it has really helped me with getting fitter and healthier and improving my mood. :j

Right - I'm going to finish my lunch and then we need to walk into town before everything shuts!;)