Learning to live my dreams not trample on them

savingholmes

Hi guys!

Today was a mixed day. I really struggled to get up so got to work very very late!:eek: but its flexi-time so officially it was ok :cool:- I think I am just paranoid - and feel guilty. I have asked to be referred to Occ Health to see what support they can put in place for me - as especially now I'm not sleeping - I am really struggling:(. I get to sleep just as I am supposed to get up. So I am going to try and officially change my work pattern and see if that will help.:cool:

So I've cried at work again today but I am told this is normal for women going thro the menopause so trying not to view it too negatively. I was so desperate today - that I did a search for our flexi-time policy - and found out that I AM entitled to flexi-credit for a minimum of hospital appointments and probably some of my other appointments too which would give me about a day and half of flexi-credit back which would be fab:j. It also means that I don't need to worry so much about future hospital appointments as I thought I would need to take annual leave for them and I don't. Phew!!! :T I have asked previously but was just told I had to make the time up - but they were wrong!:eek:

I've also had a look at what annual leave I want - and whether I can use any time to "prop" up the weeks where I struggle to work full time... I think I could use up to 4 days of my entitlement to do that with if I had to.:cool: I'm hopeful tho that Occ Health will get the management to give me some flexi-credit so that I don't need to as otherwise I am getting to the point where I might need to go off sick. I don't want to go off sick really tho - as I think that would leave me focusing on the negatives in my life with no distraction which wouldn't be good for me:o

I got loads of compliments on my hair cut :jand weightloss :jtoday which was nice and loads of positive feedback about my workshop. I think I am really struggling to maintain perspective on my illness - and I am feeling guilty re time off and not been at full parr and am judging myself - when no-one else is.:o Its not like I've done anything to make someone hit the nerve in my arm and damage it - and even the consultant said it wasn't my fault I had fibroids and other things wrong with my insides.... A friend at work was very wise today - telling me to stop feeling guilty about things that are not my fault and that I can't change - and just to try and move to the acceptance stage.:cool: We are where we are... where do we go from here and focus on the fact that there is a plan in place to "fix" the things that are medically wrong with me - and while they feel like they are going on forever - my insides at least should hopefully be fixed by my operation in July (and then I won't have the injection that seems to be causing a lot of side effects like insomnia, hot flushes etc) and my body will have a chance to settle back down.

I'm off from Friday until the May bank holiday:beer:, so just trying to get thro the next 3 days. At least its peaceful as DD is at her nan's. I've got DS to do his passport photos today, so OH is going to complete the kids renewal forms and then I'll take their photos to a friend to sign and then get the post office to check them. They reckon I will get them back within a couple of weeks which is a relief.:cool:

So today's lesson - is to try and accept myself and the situation more and let go of all the negative feelings about my medical situation.... Tall order...!

clearmydebts

Hi SavingH,

Sorry to hear about your struggle in work. I am just wondering given your financial circumstances being better could you negotiate a temporary reduction in your working hours (10am-4pm for example) until after your operation. Surely your company have to consider something like that?

savingholmes

Hi CMD it is something I have been thinking about today after what the doctor said Friday...

My employer would be open to reducing my hours but I have big financial ambitions and don't want to do that really:

1. We are going to Majorca in June and altho I paid it on cashback CC the plan is to pay it off as soon as the bill arrives - the holiday was £1550 so that is equivalent to 2 months of us being good, working full time and having savings... We also will need some spend (altho I am hoping a regular savings pot will take care of that)
2. Then we still have to find the final £700 for the CC (£5100 in ISA but need £700 still) so we can pay that off in full in September (this might also come out of our regular savings pot)
3. I am allowing for worst case scenario and a 12 week :eek:recovery period for operation which would be 1 month full pay and 2 months at half pay:eek::eek:
4. OH wants to buy a car this winter if at all possible rather than going thro snowy weather again on a motorbike!:eek: Don't know how we will afford this if we also do Florida!
5. We want our dream holiday in Florida next year if at all possible:j
6. I want an Ikea red kitchen:rotfl:

Now the last 3 "wants" not essentials but we really would like them

I think if I can use my holidays to reduce my hours slightly - or get them to offer me slightly reduced hours but pay me in full that would obviously be best for me. I'm hoping that Occ Health might suggest something like that. Even if they just gave me a flexi-time credit for all my medical appointments that would make a massive difference to me.:cool:

I have 13 weeks to go before my operation - and in that time - have 4 bank holidays and 11 days booked off as leave - so that is equivalent to 3 weeks off - so I just need to work out how to get thro the other 10 weeks - 4 days leave is the equivalent of 29.6 hours - so I could have about 3 hours reduction every full working week just by using annual leave... I think that would probably be about right.

I'm fine pretty much once I'm at work - but it is getting up out of bed and getting into work that's hard with my current insomnia and other medication.... I think a 1 hour reduction every day would be ideal but at the moment I don't feel I can afford that - I'm also not convinced it would give me a big enough benefit to want to give up that much of my leave... If I start sleeping properly again, I would be fine...:o

A friend suggested that I perhaps work from home a couple of days - that way I can start say 15 minutes earlier and it puts less pressure on me. I am more relaxed when I'm at home and get more done anyway so that might be something else to try. I am "allowed" to - I just have been trying to be "visible" and putting that above my health really.:(

My workload was also sky high which was putting massive pressure on me - it seems to have calmed down somewhat now. Before it was pointless having time off as it just got stored up for when I came back - but now there is slightly less of it, that is less of a worry.:cool:

gilligansyle

I think you should deffo try to negotiate something with them. You are trying too hard to be seen as *well* which actually may not help when it comes to the time for surgery, as they will expect you back in quickly. If mornings are the real problem, ask if you can work from home for a couple of hours a week, and go in later (I don't think they have core hours do they?)

You more than make up time as you often work late, so there shouldn't be a problem.

Hope you get something sorted.

clearmydebts

I can see why you don't want to cut down on your hours but just consider that juggling annual leave/toil/flexi just to keep afloat might become very stressful.

For a short period, negotiating shorter (contracted) hours might be less stressful. The big holidays and kitchens can wait. Your health needs to come first.

I am sure occ health will come up with good suggestions though.

Hope you are okay today x

savingholmes

Lost another 3lb

clearmydebts

savingholmes wrote: »

Lost another 3lb

You are doing amazing on the weight loss. That is so much you have lost. Well done Savingh!!!

savingholmes

Thanks to both of you for caring and for your comments - I will definitely think about them. Right now I'm just trying to get to friday and then my time off. It helps today tho knowing its okay to go in late (there are no core hours) but I have meetings at around 11am so need to be in by then at the latest. I think I slept a little better last night, and set my alarms for later so I feel a little more rested today

clearmydebts

savingholmes wrote: »

Thanks to both of you for caring and for your comments - I will definitely think about them. Right now I'm just trying to get to friday and then my time off. It helps today tho knowing its okay to go in late (there are no core hours) but I have meetings at around 11am so need to be in by then at the latest. I think I slept a little better last night, and set my alarms for later so I feel a little more rested today

Glad to hear you feel a bit more rested. Having a few days off will probably help you to get things into perspective a bit more

savingholmes

Thanks CMD. I am considering booking Thursday off as I just feel soooo shattered - and now I've found out that hospital appointments are covered by flexi-credit I feel I could use up a day's leave without worrying too much. Hopefully since I am off next week my arm will get a rest and I might have a chance to get back into a normal sleep pattern - here's hoping anyway!

I am supposed to be taking my DS and his friend bowling tonight... I may just have a drink, read a book / play jewel on my phone / watch them as I am just feeling so shattered. I could bowl as it was my left arm that was damaged but I am bone weary right now so if his friend does come I think I will just watch. I get on with his friend's mum so its possible she might come out with us and we could have a drink and chat while they bowl... we'll see

I am supposed to be seeing another friend tonight too but think given how tired I am I will need to move it to a different night. I am barely keeping my eyes open as I type and am almost shaking I am soo tired!! OH is reheating me some roast beef, sweet potato and veg and making me some onion and mushroom gravy which should be good.

I also went to Costa with a friend today which was nice. I treated her this time as she treated me last time. I can only drink a small cappucino now I'm on a diet - I haven't even got room for large drinks like that any more. My eating today has been terribe

• porridge
• 1/8 of coffee cake
• ginger biscuit in the shape of a rabbit from costa
• small cappucino
• innocent smoothies - mango, pineapple and orange
• 2 after eights
• 2 ferrero rocher

now about to have proper tea tho. I probably am roughly in my calorie allowance but hasn't exactly been high in nutritional value