Learning to live my dreams not trample on them

tirlittan

Hi saving.

Glad you decided to go for London. When is the seminar? Just don't spend all your money on shopping!

savingholmes

Hi CMD and Tirl

I deliberately planned for getting to London around 2/2.30pm on the Saturday to minimise shopping time!! I'm planning to eat a meal with my sister on the Saturday night so that might be "out" but other than than free accommodation Saturday night. The seminar is roughly 10.30 to 5.30 so getting 6.30pm train home again minimising opportunities to spend other than on lunch!!

Helped a friend last night after work who is going thro a tough time - which made me feel better and useful. Reconfirmed really that a) it is right for me to do work on my own website to develop new income streams and b) I am really good at what I do and must find a way of making it pay on evening and weekends so that hopefully I can earn more money from it...

Seeing a counsellor today and have a pain clinic which limits how much time I'll have to work today! Hopefully will get some useful support. Barely slept last night my alarm clock broke and kept going off thro the night - I woke OH up at 5.30 and told him it was 8.30 when really it wasn't it was that bad - and he woke the kids up - and then I shouted him back and said it was all a mistake. It didn't help that I woke up mid nightmare and all disorientated....

I will be so glad when this operation is over with as it is really playing on my mind.... I have a bit of a hospital phobia you see - not at all helped by what happened with the arm nerve damage they did back in January just putting in a canula! I have a very active imagination and seem to be using to imagine the worst rather than the best at the moment....

tirlittan

It's couple of weeks still to the operation? Try to distract yourself in the meantime and not to think about it so much. Obviously there're real reasons behind your phobia so it might be more difficult to try to 'rationalize' your fears. I'm sure it'll all go fine though.

savingholmes

Hi tirl - thanks for that. Yes I think I do have real reasons behind my phobia - and lots of unresolved traumas from the past... I didn't end up doing more than about 40 minutes actual work today as I couldn't focus. It was so bad my boss told me take flexi!

Counsellor was quite pleased with what I'd done over the last week - I think they are used to dealing with people who can't think for themselves rather than someone like me who knows all the theory and can apply it happily to others just not so easily to me!! I think just like I've lost 2 stone this year, I need to just have the same "I can do this" mentality. One thing that has been bothering me is that I don't really have suitable nightwear or dresses for hospital or recovery - as I normally wear PJs or trousers etc which are unlikely to be suitable as cut is abdominal - and pretty much have no dresses. My friend had also scared me saying anything I brought in would be "ruined"...

Counsellor said friend overly pessimistic and strongly suggesting I sorted that out, took photos in to the hospital of the kids, flowers, perhaps even my laptop as well as phone.... She also suggested trying to see it as an opportunity to read books I normally wouldn't manage and stuff like that... I can see where she's coming from but all the literature says you're out of it the first day - and it would only be after that that I could see much of that other stuff coming into play... I dutifully trolled round a a few shops tho - and found a couple of ok thin strapped knee length nighties which will "do", a black top (from bon marche) that I might get away with as a short nightie if I wear my robe with it and 1 beautiful short dress from Evans (OH and the kids loved it). so I feel slightly more prepared... for about £60 for 4 things which wasn't too bad...

I cooked tea and then went to the gym which I think did me good.... I got a good contact on linked in today who may be willing to help me with my business. The person I helped last night has a sales background so you never know he may also be able to help... TBH just uptodate testimonials would help. I'm not planning to do anything properly with it until after operation but thought I might as well start putting some feelers out. I am thinking of offering career coaching and career transitions workshops.... but after Op...

clearmydebts

Sounds like a lot going on for you at the moment SavingH. I would agree with your counsellor that your friend is being over pessimistic. I don't know why people do that. After what happened to my friends baby last week I had another mutual friend ring up and tell me about at least 6 other pregnant women who had lost babies. I was shocked that she could be so insensitive to me when she knows that I am pregnant.

savingholmes

clearmydebts wrote: »

I would agree with your counsellor that your friend is being over pessimistic. I don't know why people do that.... I was shocked that she could be so insensitive to me when she knows that I am pregnant.

the 40 minutes I briefly went in for yesterday - and what tipped me over the edge probably - was when a manager I barely know commented on how pale I was and asked why. I told her I was having a hysterectomy and had a hospital phobia... she immediately asked if a) I'd got kids already and whether b) I'd had all the kids I wanted! :eek::eek::eek: I'd only met her 3 or 4 times ever - I thought it was a rather insensitive question to ask someone... I didn't tell my boss that bit - perhaps I should!

Luckily I don't want more kids but it has still been playing on my mind that the choice has been taken away... I keep having nightmares/dreams that I'm pregnant and then flipping to the Operation and swapping hospital beds etc as if my brain is still trying to reconcile the two!:(

I worked today - but still not a full day... I went with a work friend for coffee tho which was nice and told her what was going on... She was sympathetic in a - stop worrying over nothing kind of way - you're going to be fine....

I got home and reheated tea I made yesterday. DD had eaten at after school club... but had a bath and then started complaining of tummy ache... I read an email from a friend who said they might come over tonight... They have OCD and our house has been a tip since holiday so I made OH and DS help me get at least the downstairs looking respectable... After I told OH I'd found a lovely house with a lounge, kitchen, utility, study etc... :rotfl:

DD has now been sick about 4 times:eek:, and we've already had to change her bedding twice... At least OH put the stuff straight in the washing machine and switched it on...

Then friend rang and said not coming over tonight now might call tomorrow... probably just as welll. But I'd missed the gym by that point so just went for a 2.4 mile walk... better than nothing..

gilligansyle

Hi SH

Hope DD is OK and its just a 24 hour bug or something.

I did chuckle over the nighties - but it does depend on the hospital. When Mum had surgery recently, we were told not to take nighties in, it was easier for them if she stayed in hospital gowns for the first few days.
I've never been in hospital so the very idea of it petrifies me, but for what seems to most people to be an odd reason.
Not the idea of surgery, needles, being woken up to take sleeping tablets, none of that! No, the main thing that bothers me is that I ALWAYS get dressed before I go downstairs, even if its just trackie bottoms and scruffy top. The idea of strangers seeing me in nightwear horrifies me!

Just as well we're all different!

Don't focus too much on it though, in case it starts to stress you out and makes you prone to little infections or raises your blood pressure.

tirlittan

Gosh, some people! How insensitive can you get! People really just don't think.

milann

It is scary but focus on having time some off after the op and enjoying your family, house and garden. The worse bit will only be for a short time and you will have lots of caring people about to look after you. Try not to read the websites too much - I came to the conclusion after I'd scared myself silly reading various posts about the op I'd had and it's recovery - the people with the worse experiences tended to post and continue to post as those with more positive experiences had recovered and weren't dwelling on the negatives as they were off doing other things - hence the posts were probably biased. That thought helped me keep things into perspective - well a bit anyway LOL

I have been so bad at attnding the gym and swimming - I have to pass home before the gym in this job so never seem to get there wheras I passed gym on my way home from last job. I might have well dropped £250 down the grid - the amount of use I've had from it - HOW BAD IS THAT!!

Milann

clearmydebts

:mad: Some people really are so insensitive

I agree with the others. Try and focus on the positives after the op.